i have enough of certain people ******* me off
like im me and im not going to change for you just to make you happy
im not going to do that again because I only hurt myself
I can't stand to do this to myself again because it kills me deep
inside.
So don't make me do this because I won't

Remember me forever
Remember my shirt that I left you with my smell
let that always be a reminder of me
to the next one who comes

You seem to know me but you don't
You seem to understand me but you don't
You keep shutting me down
i want to be me
but I never can

i want to belong in your arms again
and feel safe again
because right now its quite cold
without you here holding me tight

have you ever felt so numb that you had to taste something to realize that you are still alive?
one sip of sweet and tangy orange juice
just one sip gives me my tastes back
and lets me know that Im still not fully numb
it saves me it gives me a sense of reality
because my head is full of toxic thoughts
and I loose my sense of being
I just don't feel much
my head gets so loud that my body refuses to listen to it
and it shuts down
so whenever I can't feel a thing
I take a sip
and it saves me

take me back there please
im scared of that place but I also love it
its where I felt love for the first time
its where I hit my first mile stone
its where I dreamed
but its also where I felt pain
its also where I was betrayed
its where they left me
and it's where I lost myself.

im tired of hearing your voice in my head
im tired of seeing your face in my brain
i hate the feeling of you
but im also addicted to it
I run away from it but I also chase after it
i want to hate you but I can't
i don't mean much to you
but you mean the world to me

I wanted to take all her damaging thoughts away
so she didn't have to see, hear or take them anymore
no one saw the ugly lies in her head
not Evan the closest people to her
she wanted to see life again
she wanted to feel again
she wanted to see again
to see all the beautiful colors of life
but she never got to see them
she only got to see grey
she wanted someone to hug her so badly
or even notice her existence
she was longing for a human interaction.

water trickles down my body
I keep making it flow
what can I do tell me?
I can't do anything else
I can wait for it to pass
I tried to stop it
but it rumens me when I try
i have to stand there
and let it take over
in my mind im paralyzed
but I can't move away.

I hear the water flowing
I hear the birds sing
I hear the wind whistle
I hear my deep breath
i feel cold and warm
But I cant see for hear you
I cant see your gorgeous smile
I cant hear you voice
I cant touch your delicate skin
But I can see and hear the memories in my head
They don’t seem to stop
They carry on
Im always reminded of you.

i screamed "I love you"
i screamed so hard
that I fought I would fall
fall so hard
hit my head and never come back
but you still wouldn't care
you would throw a red rose
and run away
I would still be in love
but you run out of love
you come and go
you go quicker than you come
the red rose will dry out
my tears will keep flowing
and never dry out

why do you keep treating me like this
im here for you
I just can't see you on my side
I call you and you don't pick up
you ignore me but then you say you were busy
but you also said that I could call you no matter the hour
i don't see you anymore
I can't seem to let you in
I look at you and I want to run away
im not the same
because I know who you really are
I know you don't care
when I see your fake smile I want to be sick
i have given up on you
but not because im weak
but because I know my boundries
i wont let you in.

i rush out to see you
but you never come
I always wait
but I never get a chance to see you
I think I will see you
I get so excited
I get everything ready
I put my beautiful dress on
i stand by the door
i have such a big smile on my face
but your absence takes that smile away
I go back inside
and cry on the floor
that's what I do every time
I never learn.

I want to scream
i want to cry
I just want to break down and disappear
never come up again
I keep breaking down
when I do come up
I hit back down
they never let me breathe
or live
I say a word
and im back there again
i want to live but I never can
because your words keep putting me down
i want to jump and escape this town
but my feet never touch the ground                                                         but when they do
i see light again
it pulls me back to my little den.

standing there I saw her eyes
her green eyes
they were shinning Evan though she was dying
no one seemed to hear her cried
no one seemed to Evan look at her
its like she was a shadow
she hid in the corners
never letting anyone in
running away from her self and everyone else
she was so delicate but no one seemed to notice that
they only saw what they wanted to see
but they didn't see the real her

I though we were meant to be together forever
I know it sounds cheesy but you are my one true love
We promised each other in front of witnesses that we would be together till the day we die
All those beautiful years we spent together I will always keep them closed in my heart
Those memories will never be replaced
I wont have the same connection that I had with you with anyone else
I know I should move on and find love but I physically cant
Those precious moment that we shared I cant imagine sharing them with someone else
Ive tried putting myself out there again
But it didn’t feel right it just wasn’t it
You showed me true love and I will alleys be grateful for that
You made me a happier person
Everyday was a new adventure with you and I couldn’t wait what the next day would bring
But now I am scared of the next day I don’t want it to come
Because suddenly you left
And now im scared that something else or someone else might leave
Im emotionally scared I cant look at life in the same way
I have the bit of love you left in my heart and the memories that replay in my head
I just wish I could make those memories with you and hold you close so I could hear your heart beat
I keep on too the thoughts and feelings because that is the only thing that is left
The love that you bought me is the only thing thats keeping my heart beat
I live for you and only you.

My body is going in a different state
A state that no one should ever enter
Its something I don’t wish on anyone
You can not control it you just cant
Your body turns off
it stops responding to the surroundings around you
Its stops functioning
Your brain is in a buzz
Your body cant stop shacking
Your heart it thumps so hard and fast like it wants to escape your chest like it wants to run away
Your eyes they cant open its like your in a loud and fast tornado
It keeps going around and around
It doesn’t stop when you want it to it only stops on its own terms
The only thing you can do is wait for it to stop
And when it finally stops you wont be the same person again….

We need too both let go breaks are good for everyone to take
We need to both figure out our priorities
And what we both need
We need to both figure out if we want to still be in a friendship
Right now Im confused and need time
i need time to breathe I need time only for myself
This will do us both good
We cant keep going like this
I just feel emotionally drained
And not myself
Im always on edge and my blood bubbles inside of me
I need time to think about all of this
I need to sort out my mind and my soul
I want to feel at peace because im in a constant rush
I just need myself to myself.

You rule my heart
Only you know how to approach me
You know how to make me feel like me again
I needed that someone who would put me in my place and show me who I am
Because I loose myself a lot but you always seem to find me
You know how to help me through my ruth times
And you know which places to touch
You know how to put me in heaven
You know all my soft spots and you use them well
You know how to make me tingle
And make me feel free again
When im with you I feel my true self coming out
And only you make that happen.

People can hit you like a train on a train track
They can hit you so hard that you wont know who you are anymore
They can rush through your life
They can take you on a journey
They can take you through a tunnel and then on a bumpy road
They can show you beautiful sights
They may also throw you of or take you along
But hold on tight because it might not be a pleasant journey
You may feel such sickness that you just want to click a button and get off
But the doors are closed you cant just escape like that
Its a life long journey that everyone faces
Some people may decide to smash the window and jump out
And all I can say is that many of us have felt that way
and many of us have done that
Many of us have jumped out
I will forever think of those who have
I wish I was there to hold them tight
And fassen there seat belts tights
I wish I was there to talk to them and offer them food and water
And tell them that road wouldn’t always be this rocky

When you said „forever” did you really mean FOREVER
Was it just „i will love you until I still feel like it”
Was i just a „thing”?
Just a little „thing” to pass the time with
Was it just love for now not forever
Then why did you kiss me and let me catch feelings
If you knew from the start it was just a „thing”
Well for me it wasn’t just a „thing”
You were my love the person I fought I would spend the rest of my life with
Thats what you said, you said you wanted children you wanted to build a future with me
You made me fall so hard for you I would of done anything for you
Then it turns out I was just a „thing”
A little game that you liked to play
You liked to tell me these lies and then see me fall for them
You loved seeing me weak seeing me fall hard
The more you rolled the dice and the higher the numbers came up
You felt more power over me
And i felt more broken, more damaged
I didn't see you as a bad person I saw you as a loving person because I didn’t see your plans
I only saw you
But maybe I didn’t
Because if I saw the true you I would of ran away
But you wanted me to stay
Stay so close
Then drop me
Finally I cracked...