i could paint you.
use my new paints
paint you on the whitest canvas
in the prettiest shades of brown
with intricacy
i could coat you
in rescued flowers
hang you on a million dollar wall
look at you through rose tinted sunglasses
cry golden tears over you and still
you would be so ugly
no type of stained glass
could ever hide
how disgusting
how cruel and repulsive
you are
no matter how many half full glasses
i pour into you
it will never satisfy you
    you will always be empty
you have always been empty.
i won't try to fill you anymore

you beat yourself up about
not being able to
imagine
a color no one has ever seen before
but you are it.
you are beautiful.
you are the color no one has ever seen before.

and she walks
but they're strides
she's just trying to get away
take your hand off her wrist
loosen your grip
let her go

you see her walk down the street
but she's in so much fear
it's as if she's running in place
she's disturbed
she said no
you know you heard the screams
the fighting
her crying
his pleasure

you let him go?
you didn't say anything  
and so you pretended you didn't see any  thing either
you and him are now one in the same
i see no difference
you're a broad-shouldered, man of power and a king of nothing.
you've got big hands
you use them for the cruelest things
you've got the same eyes
piercing and persistent
and you don't really look like him but you are like him
you're an accomplice
but you are not any more innocent

let her go
let me go
let us all go
turn a blind eye
pretend you didn't see me leave
i'll be a good victim i promise
i don't know what you look like i can only feel your hands on my neck while i dream
but that won't help them find you
so it's okay.
it's okay, it's okay, it's okay.
let me go.
take your hand off my mouth i won't scream.
at least not out loud.

i am holding up the sky
and everything it
blankets
today feels like i've
been pushing everything around me away
and when i wanted to let you in,
2 fridays ago,
when i wanted to just drop
everything
and run
straight into your arms
it was like
the parts of me that felt so heavy
got lighter
my legs were
legs
instead of roots that grew
into the ground below my feet
not sorry for anything.
my eyes landed on yours
the sky lifted itself once again
my shoulders didn't need to slouch
beneath the ends of the earth
and it was solely because
i looked at you.