this sunrise
i smile but,
not sure
for how long?

does it end
when the birds
stop singing
their song?

i've never lived
"happily ever
after" even
for a day.

my mind loses
happy ever
after like a needle in
the hay.

i love to
be happy and
i really love to
smile.

but my mind
tells me
it hurts;
"you can only
smile for a
little while".

as daylight
expires i long
for a grin.

as night fall
takes root-
keep my
smile away
from the
winds.

i'm not some
kind of
monster-
i'm not a
miserable man.

i'm merely
just a man
that some-
may never
understand.

but please
know this-
some days
i even can't.

chf was just
another gale
force wind to
carry away
my boyish grin.

i'm not
wallowing in
pity,
i'm simply
fighting
with my mind to
get my smile
back again.

Creatures of habit we are -

We all live in moments -

The freshest moments are what we preach -

until the next moment...

i have failed at much in this life

i can't fix or change the past

so,i write poems

each word is a scar,
an open wound

not only my wounds but wounds of others

it hurts to be me

it's painful living in my head at times

i've destroyed myself more than anyone ever could

you - you only see what i allow you to see

beneath that boyish grin is a war

a war that most could never understand

a war that has no victor

a war that has no end

a war that has left me mortally wounded

and hey, i didn't want this war

i never asked for it

it was waged upon me by my own depth

waged upon me by the other me

the me that cries when no one is looking

like i said, most could never understand

i wake up every single day in a fog of war

i wake up every single day just trying to win one battle at a time

i understand that this war can never be won

but i still fight

i fight to provide a boyish grin when i win a day's battle

enjoy those days with me

please don't be an enemy of war

the enemy already has the numbers on me

Lament not the drops of falling rain
Harvest your garden once the storm wanes

Cast aside your umbrella to indulge in some fun
Dancing in puddles as clouds break for the sun

Storms have a purpose to ravage, to grow
Even after darkness, there's  beauty to show

Don't hide in fear of the ebon clouds en masse
Look beneath your feet....
they eventually bring you
green grass

those with
diseased branches
will always
be rooted out.

by an unrelenting,
path
paving
tornadic spout.

truth creates
a destructive
vortex to
one's true
colors.

on the wind's
of shadows
blow the
counterfeit
dollars.

tend not
to the
circus of
charade.

never fall
prey to a
costume of
masquerade.

dark
cloudy lies
this tornado
may rain.

an umbrella
of sage will
save you
the pain.

keep the
streets clean
of your own
ignorant
blood stain.

do you wish
to store me
away for
the winter
days?

hush me
and pack me
away in some
sort of
garage bay.

in the cold,
i still like to
flap my
wings...
i can still
fly,
i'm not
too old.

that pasture
may be
beautiful
and serene
but it's not
for me,
and this,
i
wish you
would see.

please don't
put me out
there
just yet,
i'm not ready
to view my
last sunset.

allow me a
few more
sunrises with
fantasy
running
wild in my
broken
heart....

a few more
days without
an end but
rather,
with a
brand new
start.

metaphorically
drowning,

right in the
view of some.

they all just-

sit there
and watch.

splash....
splash...
splash..

gurgle
    gurgle°
       ­          °
                °

they just sit-

and watch.

well;

it's time to dry myself off.

breach the
surface.....

take a deep
cleansing
breath and
metaphorically
drown
them now.

and
as their air
bubbles breach
the surface-

~~~~~~
°
  °
°
     °
      °

i'll just
sit there
and watch
them drown
now.