G oodness in the morning dew
O penness in the afternoon
O bstinate in the early night
D ay light fades to black
B eauty is in my dreams
Y earning for this all to change
E nding back to start a new.
!

This is just not working,
Our marriage is just jerking.
I didn't realize your pain,
You think we need counseling.
Yes we do it must be stressed,
by the way I think I am depressed.
Why did you not tell me this,
I was afraid  I would have to go fish.
Counseling failed for you had decided
Long before we even tried it.
I am broken lost and lonely,
I gave you all even the Home.
You said we would be friends but I new different,
I moved away so I wouldn't be flippant.
You are happy that's for sure,
You ripped my heart with just one word.
As our divorce becomes final I love you still,
You tell me you don't but act and care like I am a spill.
Life with you was all I wanted,
Your happy now and enchanted.
I am glad that you are Happy!
Do you care that I feel ******?
You are Happy and have changed your style your voice and me,
I am left with out a voice in this entire thing has been your choice.
Lastly I must say to you, Jen I love you,
even-though you make me blue.

No Pants day Hurrah!
Had to wear them anyway,
Do to work today.

I have always tried  to be the one who helps the lonely and the small.
Always telling them that they will get through things will get better I am here with you through it all.
I have helped many and have heard there thank you’s and praise.
Dismissed those praises for many reasons mostly because I felt I did not deserve them.
The other day in happy passing I made a comment of years long passing of a friend who tried and failed
Many times over for attention it was blamed. But this person said something that blew my mind.
She doesn’t understand and is glad she never has the thought of the often end and those that go with it.
I was shocked and had nothing to say for I did not know that people could feel this way.
I thought my mind was one of normal not of one who is lost with sadness, lost with the mind.
My mind does not let me feel no such thought it is always grabbing hold to tell me my losses.
Reminds me of my failings and how much I am a burden it leaves me with crosses that make become halted.
So this is such a break through but hard to comprehend I am worthy to be in God’s Plan.
I am allowed to love myself as others show me, I am allowed to accept praise when others can see.
I am not the loser **** that always breaks through I am a nice person who loves all of you.

Feeling Tired from the day I can't see.
The path that has been gone before once more,
Slowly I resolve to change my design.
But still I know I could not be to blame
Then my heart can only pretend right know.
I am trying to be compelled  once more
To change the way I feel abhorred by you
I can not change what you have laid to waste
You may feel that you're are being chased away
You pushed and ran without explanation,
The more you're asked makes you like an Ostrich
Pain is real and silence is to easy.
Anguish comes from not knowing the real facts
But when the anguish asks you just attack.

You need to change But,
Change is not just coins in pockets
But just as heavy!

I am sorry for today
I did not get to even play.
My plans were taken away
because they called off in trey.

I haven't been able to grieve of
the best friend who chose to leave.

one sixty seven and counting the days of work
A string of time with no time off it really is a thing to irk.
It makes me seam like I am a ****.
But how can coffee even perk with out a rest from a day at work.

When you try to figure out why sorry is the things that is why.
I am sorry I lose my friend because it seems my work can not end.
I am sorry I cant say no it make my life a freak show.
I am sorry that I am left alone and sad with happiness pretend.

My Heart is faster
Anxious beat a disaster,
Tightness in the chest.

Once the Hunter seen
Our summer has lost its gleam
Fall and winter come.

She had those beautiful blue eyes.
That make you want to fly.
She made me happy and I soared ,
to places most ignore.
Her presence enjoyed
I thought there was no void.
But one day she told me that she could not love me.
She was very vague  with out a missing tag
I never saw it coming like I was wrapped as a mummy.
But as she unwrapped her story she never did explain what happened to our relationship now all she wants it to be chummy.
This is very hard may brain and heart are scared. She feels I should let go but will not tell me more.
I want my blue eyes back,
But I shall only lack.

Chirp chirp crickets chirp
In a chorus for us all
Constant calming noise.

Wife has left me now
She no longer loves my face,
miserable waste.

Someone dropped you off
Thank them for their cruelty ,
Your the best cat ever!

I drive from east to west.
I need to keep up the best.
Family is great
But I guess it was all fake.
The happiness I felt is there for seconds more
while she walks  out of my life through the crowded corridor.
Rejection I have felt
Her heart will just not melt.
She has taken root without me.
I have no response I long for me and her.
But she thinks that's absurd.

Smile Stoic lifeless
My you can handle this well
Inside crying Hell.

Maple, Oak, and Pine
these trees have used the sunshine
Leaf and needles fall.

Sun wake up today
Red in the east give us peace,
September is here!

This makes you strong it is said.
Just outside not in your head.
Physical life destined to fall.
We can not out run at all.
The pain subsides,
But in your brain it still resides.
You try to let it go.
Attacked by guilt and looking as if you were
lettuce that would soon wilt.
Clinging to happiness of simple and rude,
people who treat you as Kleenex filled with mucus.
You can get over better but your "friends" will need to call
not say if you need something call. When the pain is that bad
you would rather be a in a glad trash bag.

Camping, Pool and S'Mores,
Fishing, the y and giving,
friendly camping fun!

Many wonder what a cat thinks,
TS Elliot knew as a magician winks.
Wake up stretch not time to get up.
So I think I will Curl back up  .
Someone touches me, I am not happy.
Will get up now so since someone has made my day ******.
Do some hunting ,
because I am truly cunning.
Done with that find a place to rest.
I am a cat and I am the best.

You must get beyond the hurt you feel.
Even though the pain is real.
Each day you try to get to the other side.
As the tide begins to rise you collide
your collision brings back old visions.
Making the journey slow but you know you have to go.
People will be glad to say they will help,
but do to your fear you don't make a yelp.
Holding on is what you are trying to do
but letting go is the thing that will restore you.
Moving past moving forward as the time is getting shorter.
So as through we pass beyond,
Beyond our doubt and fears we need to plant ourselves so we can grow.
As we grow we can take ourselves to move beyond  and live a new with family and friends who we always knew.

My home is bare, with no love to share,
My heart is lifeless for I have become wifeless.
The job was taken and may have break’n the love
Of the marriage and the wife, she has left the carriage.
With her heart she said she loves me but her face tells me I’m
Ugly and lost in sadness that can only be tragic.
She is still my magic; I love her deeply my heart can not
Function with out her near me.
She is happy and that is great, I am losing everything but
Weight. I eat my sorrow and need money to borrow to keep my self from
Giving up the morrow. I have no friendship which is my fault I lose them all with out
A cause. I must change to keep her close which mean my job and life must become toast.
I have to lose all that I am and change the way that so I can stand again with her who makes me happy.
I want her to see me and her not feel ******. I have reduced her life to this because I didn’t take care of her with desire instead, I let our love expire.

The heart is homeless but not the body, the body lives in empty house and the heart is hostage like a trapped mouse.

Al Melaskev

I don't love you that way anymore.
Why?
I am not sure but I don't.
I am stricken  with fear that won't,
Be aware  of things that I missed with us together.
Many Years gone like  an old football that lost its leather.
You have done this to my heart as if it were a change in the weather.
Walking away like you just watched a movie.
Leaving me without a catch of anything but sorrow.
I am supposed to move on ,with all my emotions.
Because your happy now, and that is your only notion.

Al Melaskev

Repressed and Depressed

I am alive but don’t like living
I feel that I am only giving
Life has become an odd existence
Because I am afraid I give too much resistance
I do not let others inside for the fear of losing all my pride
I fear to lose all I have but I drive away those that want to give
I feel worthless I feel ashamed that I cannot just reclaim the happiness that
Is inside behind the wall and foolish pride. I try to give to others first as long as I
Am not close to them I can manage to always help them when I must open to others
My mind always tends to shutter, I close off to world missing out on all who care only so that I don’t have to share.
My inner thoughts are seldom good they often tend to create dead wood.
I cannot say that any one should care for you see I will not want to bare my thought because I lack the
Idea that I am worth a friend’s appeal.
I do not like to think about all the friends that I close out I blame the lack of connection on others unwillingness and connection.
But as I ponder more and more I see that I am need to open up my door and let my friends and family in so I can live and not die within.


By Al Melaskev