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Sam Wilkinson Jul 2019
Dear Heartbreak

I know I have a cold exterior,
And that sometimes seems as if I have no emotions,
Sometimes I don’t.
I know that I’m not an easy person to be with,
I’m busy,
I’m stressed,
I’m erratic,
And quite frankly I’m a mess.
I know you wanted my attention,
And I should have given you more.
The entire time I was with you I felt terrible,
Because I knew you deserved better.

However,
Despite my cold exterior,
And despite how I may appear,
I am incredibly sensitive.
And I’m in pain all the time,
In order to survive,
I have learned to shut myself off from the world.
A walled garden,
A safe place,
A cocoon around my heart.

Then I met you,
And your warmth was my salvation.
For once I didn’t feel lonely,
For once my life wasn’t grey.
You made my pain bearable,
And for brief moments, you made the pain go away.
Slowly but surely,
My walls came down,
The cocoon started to unravel,
I was learning to trust,
And ready to let you in.

That’s why it hurts,
So much.
That as soon as I was ready to be vulnerable,
You say it must come to an end.

Once again, my walls come up,
And the cocoon around my heart is sealed.
All that’s left are beautiful memories,
That will never be lived again.

Don’t get me wrong,
I thank you,
And I am grateful for this pain.
It only increases my capacity to love,
Once I’m ready to trust again.

Goodbye Cyclops

Sam Wilkinson
Sam Wilkinson Jul 2019
Welcome to my special place,
Where all the walls that keep me safe,
Slowly start to fade away,
And I disintegrate,
Sliding back down into,
My drug-induced oblivion.

What am I?
That’s the question that hurts the most.
It’s the question I’ve been drowning in,
My love, my thrill, my agony.

Who am I?
How did I get here?
Is anything real?

Today I didn’t really wake up,
My experience just started playing again.
I can’t grasp it firmly anymore,
That connection to reality,
I hope I find it once again.

It’s a scary place,
A lonely place,
My drug-induced oblivion.

It’s too much,
I can’t bear the burden.
To love as much,
And feel this empty.

I can look deep into the eyes of another human being and feel like I’m the only thing that exists.

Erase me from the present day,
Till I no longer think, and no longer feel.

I drink, I smoke, I meditate,
I find a way to alleviate,
The pain I’m in,
There’s no escape,
So once again,
I stumble down,
My drug-induced oblivion.

Is there any choice?
Is the outcome always the same?
Can I avoid my nature?

As my mind leaves this world,
Remember me,
And pray that I may never wake
From this dream I’m in,
My journey, my song, my slumber,
It finally ends.

As one last time,
I let go,
I slip away,
I settle in,
To my world, my heaven, my anchor,
My drug-induced oblivion.

Sam Wilkinson

— The End —