My oldest friend
I am sorry
I still find it difficult to be alone with you
You are not often quiet
Full always of buzzing and shouting
Alight with every sense the world provides
I try always to drown out your din
But you are the rustling of Autumn leaves
You are spring showers
You are a gust of wind
You are the inevitability that tomorrow arrives
You are spinning
Laughing
Out of control
Until we all
Fall
Down
But the grass is soft
And the water looks inviting
If we only dared to touch it
It would hold our hand
Whisper
Beauty surround us
And there is beauty in everything
Beauty in the chaos
Beauty in every inch of this skin
In every aspect of this mind
In the screaming I find song
And in the buzzing poetry
I dance to the symphony in my head
And take off running at a dead sprint
Fill my lungs with chill air
Stare at the hazy night sky
Admire the fuzzy edged moon
Feel grateful for this brain
And this body
That gets me where I want to go
And rarely hears thank you
Being alone with you is still scary
But it's worth it
For moments like these
When the din sharpens to focus
On an image
On a sensation
On a poem

You say you're boring, but I think you've just never had someone take the time to realize you're the most interesting thing they have ever seen.

I think every poem I've written was meant to be spoken word
Each line crafted with a performance in mind
The rhythm and cadence meant for my voice alone
Impactful only when shouted in a crowded room
Yet I have never
Not once
Gotten the courage to get up on a stage
And deliver one
I struggle to share them because I know they will sound wrong
They were not meant to be read
But the anxiety is too much
And each time I think about reciting them aloud I shake
Terrified that I will try and fail to convey the poem trapped inside my brain
So I never do
And the world goes longer and longer without hearing my work
And it is neither worse nor better for it
I hope one day I will speak my poetry into this universe
Maybe I'll start with this

You say I have wings
But if I do then I'm Icarus
I'm flying into the sun
Only to fall back to Earth
With a deafening crash
Or maybe
I'm the sun
I'm the flame
Burning brightly
But not meant to last
To be held onto
To exist permanently in someone's heart
I flicker into someone's life
Only to burn out
I forget
That no one is meant to get too close to me
Like the sun I'll melt away your wings
And I am too beautiful to hold onto
Flying is so thrilling you'll forget I'm dangerous
My love too strong
Too bright
Too much and not enough
And breaking and bleeding and wounding
When I'm only trying to heal
I want too much
Too much time
Too much touch and too much feeling
I want to give all of me
And it's never the right amount
It's heavy and hot
And sharp and broken and awkward
And me
All of me
Broken on the floor

I carry my sins in my arms
Like dead roses to the grave of a loved one long gone
I don't want to die making amends for past sins
Committed to repentance by someone unrecognizable
A scared little girl clinging to the only things keeping her from falling
Falling apart
Falling in love with a lie told by someone she was meant to trust
He told her she was perfect
And she believed him
She absorbed that lie into her identity
And used it to project insecurities onto others
Drowning under the weight of a burden too heavy to carry
She searched for faults in friends
Coping with continuous failing
By destroying every good thing she ever had
Jeering at those who fell short
And preying on the weakness in others
The same weakness in herself
I guess it's easier to see yourself in a mirror
But she had no idea that she was staring at her reflection
That she was screaming these insults at the girl who was trying to carry the weight of the world on her shoulders by pushing away anyone willing to help her
I think now all I can do is tell her
I'm sorry
and
I forgive you
Because she deserves it
And maybe so do I

They
They came into my life like a spark
I was kindling
They touched me and I ignited
They burned brightly
So brightly it was blinding
I watched their flames dance
I watched as their fire grew
It crackled and roared
Beautiful and wild
And then
Just as they came
Their spark died
Here one moment and gone the next

Beautiful
Whispered
I straddle your hips
My fingers trace indented red lines
Their pattern only yours
"My stretch marks?"
You ask
Yes
again
Beautiful