If we could gather all the kisses we ever kissed, if we could conjure up the memories once shared, if we could answer all the questions we have now forgotten, then sitting on this sofa we could feel our distant lives.

If we had photogtaphs of happiness never taken, if we could play recordings of moans and murmurs we did not tape, if we could laugh again and cry our cries of long ago, we could live again our years of tears and joy as we hold each other on this sofa evermore.

Copyright 2020 Tod Howard Hawks

My years at Andover, the oldest (1778) and arguably the best prep school in the United States, were the unhappiest of my life. Emotionally, I felt ancient. All but few of the teachers were as sodden with a kind of spititual sorrow as were most of the students. And while the campus with its spacious lawns and grand architecture was breathtakingly beautiful, and the Oliver Wendell Holmes Library would have made any university beyond proud, and all the facilities were many and first-class, paradoxically, the sum of those parts deprecated the whole . Yes, I, perforce, became learned, but at an exorbitant social and emotonal cost. Tone Grant, one of the gods of our class, because he was the quarterback of our football team, a fact that got him into Yale where he was and did the same, was indicted, tried, and convicted to 10 years in prison for embezzling over two billion dollars from customers of the company he ran. Did Andover and Yale inculcate in him the perverse values that led him to prison? He pleaded innocent before his trial, but over two billion dollars are a lot of dollars to explain away. Tone died of a heart attach in prison. My years at Andover ended with a ritual. All the graduates formed a large oval on the Great Lawn as the headmaster began to pass diplomas one at a time to his left. The first graduate would look at the diploma, and if he did not see his name imprinted in gold ink on it, he would pass it to the classmate on his left until every graduate had received his diploma. While this interminable ritual was taking place, I made a silent but solemn vow:  I would never again set foot on the Andover campus. Am I  proud I graduated from Andover, you might ask? I am proud I endured it. Others did not.

Copyright 2020 Tod Howard Hawks

If you walk down Farm-to-Market Street far enough, you get to the Paradise Cafe, the best place in Waller, Texas to have breakfast. "Howdy. How ya doin?" says an old man wearing jeans and a cowboy shirt you have to button up instead of the conventional way with a venerable, old cowboy hat on his head. "Have a seat," he says. There is an empty stool at the counter, so you sit down beside him. "Haven't seen you before," the wizened old man says. "Where ya from? "New York City," you reply. "New York City!" the old man exclaims. "The Big Apple! What brings ya to Waller?" "I'm walking across America," you say. "You're doing what?" the old man says incredulously. "I'm walking across America," you say again. "Well, I'll be ****! I never done that." the old man says. The waitress, a pretty, young woman wearing a pigtail, says, "What can I getch ya?" " "I'll start with a cup of coffee, black." "I'll be right back," she says. "I'm 71. Got born here in Waller, quit high school, started working on a cattle ranch. Spent my whole life on that ranch. Never got married. Now the government is paying me so I can stay alive," he says. "Come in here every morning to have breakfast. Ain't she a beauty!" he says, referring to the waitress. "Sweet as she is pretty," he adds. Sally--the old man told you her name--comes back with a cup of steaming black coffee. "What would you like to eat?" she asks. "I'd like two eggs sunny-side up with a double order of hashbrowns, two sausage patties, and whole wheat toast, butter, but no jelly." "I'll get it. More coffee? "Yes, please." "Waller ain't fancy, but good people live here," the old man says. "But about 20 years ago, somebody robbed the bank. Nobody ever caught him." In a short time, Sally brings you your breakfast. It is good. When you finish eating, you pay your bill and leave five dollars on the counter for Sally. "It was nice meeting you," you say to the old man. "Likewise, I reckon," he replies." "You have a good rest of your walk across America, ya hear," the old man says. "Thanks. I think I will. Here, take this," and gives the old man a twenty. "And keep the change. Thanks for being so nice to a stranger." Then you get up and walk out of the Paradise Cafe to continue your journey.

Copyright 2020 Tod Howard Hawks

We need a world that is commensal.

Copyright 2020 Tod Howard Hawks

Why do autocrats, tyrants, emperors, and dictators seek ruthlessly power, wealth, and fame? Because they are insecure human beings. Most likely, none were not loved not enough, if at all, during their earliest of years, so they compensated unconsciously for this terrible deprivation. Instead of becoming leaders who lift others up, they became oppressors. Instead of caring for those without, they aggrandized to try to fill the emptiness in themselves.  They could not realize what and why they were doing. Oppressors are actually scared. They are frightened of the emotional abyss at their center, but unable to feel it consciously. Instead of giving, they take absolute power, gargantuan wealth. and fame, which is actually infamy. They are not happy. They are not fulfilled. But they are noticed, and worse, like a raging forest fire that consumes and destroys everything and everyone in its path. If one is not loved, one eventually will hate and reify both the sadness and cruelty of their soul.

Copyright 2020 Tod Howard Hawks

Most are afraid to be their real selves. This is a worldwide tragedy. An untold number of all people on Earth suffer this unconscious condition. Why is this likely true? Because many people were never loved enough, if at all, in their earliest of years. This sorrowful situation on Earth is abetted by the unconscionable fact that several billion of them live often in extreme poverty, which means so often that those of means have no compassion for their fellow human beings and care only about getting rich, then getting even richer. This immoral consquence of inhumanity is that several billion who have little--perhaps nothing--to eat, only shacks to live in, few schools to attend, virtually no medical care, among the absence of many other critical needs, are overwhelmed by these obscene deprivations, and therefore will unconsciously have at their center only the abyss of never having been loved. The result, therefore, is that they will never experience their true, sacred, inviolable worth, which they share with all others. That is why most are afraid to be their real selves.

Copyright 2020 Tod Howard Hawks

I do not belong to Democratic Party. I do not belong to the Republican Party. I belong to Love. I am not a citizen of the USA. I am a Citizen of Earth, as we all are, which means that all us belong to Love, whether we're conscious of it or not. There are so many ways to love, and the world needs them all. The world needs as much as it can get. The air needs to be loved. The rills, the rivulets, the streams, the rivers, the lakes and ponds, all oceans need to be loved. I belong to Love. Meadows, forests, hills and mountains, deserts, all need to be loved. Dogs and cats, tigers and lions, moongooses and gorillas, all the animals need to be loved. Porpoises and whales, dolphins and seals, jellyfish and manatees, all kinds of fish and sea creatures need to be loved. I belong to Love. Bluebirds, robins, mockingbirds, hawks and eagles, all our winged friends need to be loved. Tulips and roses, the amaranths and amaryllis, daisies and dandelions, all need to be loved. And all human beings need to be loved, all races, all people with different skin colors, people who practice all the different religions, the mentally and physically infirm, babies and toddlers and teenagers and adults and the elderly, all need to be loved. I belong to Love. We all belong to Love.

Copyright 2020 Tod Howard Hawks