no way out





no way out 

So the day has come,  it's finally here
I've never felt such dread and fear
I've been kidding myself and it's no longer funny
the clouds have turned dark 
where it used to be sunny
it's got to the point I just can't ignore
I'm in denial but I know the score
I feel trapped in my mind 
And I just can't escape 
just plodding along 
hoping for  the sky to break
but the clouds go darker 
the storms about to come
im cowering like a child
all I want is my mum
To hold me close and make everything better
but the rain just gets harder and i get wetter and wetter
but I shouldn't be relying on my mum to help me through the storm
instead I should be taking care of my own first born 
And I know I'm being selfish and he should come first
I'm dying inside feeling the worst 
It's hard not to feel selfish 
I know I'm heading down a dark road 
my head and heart both in comp about to explode 
I know in my head what I should be doing
but atm I just can't and my head is ******* 
all I can think is how he deserves better than me
but I will never give up and I know one day I can be 
the mum he deserves and not mess his head up 
LOL SOUNDS LIKE THE 60,000,000 QUESTION
So wish me good luck
I've been struggling so long but the bubble just popped 
And for all those I have fooled 
now the penny has dropped 
I just kept telling myself 
that I could get myself straight 
But im thinking it's all to little to late 
how could I do this when I am a mum
I should be grateful as I more lucky than some 
I know most will judge, she just a bad mother
but I truly want to make it good and I know I can recover 
I just don't know where to begin 
I'm blinded by the storm
looking for some sanctuary a shelter to get warm 
Who will open their door and welcome me in
So the start of a new journey for me can begin 
Who will wait it out with me so I'm not waiting alone 
all i need is one person to make it feel like home 
just to ride it out with me until the sky turns clear
And all the Dark and stormy clouds have truly disappeared 
And when it all goes silent and i think the storm has passed 
I wont get ahead of myself as I know 
it may not last 
For just like when a tornado goes quiet
And you think you've broken through 
life is like  the eye of the storm
waiting to sneak up on you 
And then before you know it
the full force comes down on me
I feel like Dorothy swept away to some far off land I've never seen
but unlike her , following the yellow brick road has not8 worked out for me
For there is no emerald city waiting on the other end for me. 
So with no path clear and now not sure which way that I should  turn
im sat wondering to myself if I'll ever  learn
For I'm looking around at all the debris
And the all the mess I'm in
and you know I'm not a cleaner so have no idea where to begin
But lucky for me
I hopefully got a good three
amazing helpers there for me
I'm not expecting them to fly in and
clean up all my ****
But may be with a bit of guidance
I can get there bit by bit

There once was a SOMETHING , that i couldn't see
a dark shadow lurking,Waiting for me
No matter how many times I stayed in the light
I couldn't quite shake it
out of my sight
And when the darkness came
And I couldn't see
this  dark shadow lit the way for me
not seeing any other way through
And just not knowing what else to do
so ****  it, what do I have to loose
what  other option is there to choose
I'm climbing the walls
trying to find a way out
But nobody's coming
No matter how much I scream and shout
So eventually after growing tired and weak
sick of this game of hide and seek
I decide to choose the obvious way
no longer able to resist it's compelling sway
because at this point I just want saving
Will this lead me to my haven

So  This shadow with his teeth shining bright
blindingly dazzling and pearly white
Once it was seen it branded its mark
pulling you into the impossible dark  
no matter how hard I tried to stay strong
time turned to eternity, a never ending long
So what would you do if you were in the same boat
do you think you would sink or be lucky enough to float
do you go left or do you go right
do you fall deeper further
or strive for the light
so I made a choice to follow this path
and for a while it was great , I had a good laugh
But I got distracted and soon became lost
and before I knew it I found out the cost  
I thought I could trust this invisible D
but I should of realised he was always coming for me
Thid invisible man, only mouth on show
If he gets you lost i told you so
Coz really are you that nieve
To trust blind talk and believe
That a mouth with no face  could be your guiding light
Well do you think they really might
So why let an unknown voice lead the way
Surely you want to have your own
say
To make it clear what's on your mind
It's down to you which path to find
So take a breath and clear your head
And read back all that i have said
Why follow a voice when you can light your own way
It's a huge step I know,
today may not be your day
but keep these words close for one day you will find
that one morning you'll wake and realise it's your time
To brave the darkest tunnel all on your own
But when you finally come through,
It's like no feeling you've never known
It's going to be hard and proper ****
But it won't last forever , just for a bit
so Prepare for a journey like youve never known
and then at the end see how much you've grown

With the ultimate prize  on the other side
it will be the ultimate high
just one small step will set the right path
Just take it slow and the distance you'll  last
So take a chance on yourself
you may be surprised
this could be your time to truly rise
what's truly important, what can't you loose
well have a good think
only you can choose
We all sometimes struggle to see the wood for the tree's
But after this trip you'll be shooting the breeze
So never give up, for life is a maze
Sometimes you get lost , forever and a day
But like with a maze there's always s way through
It's up to you what you do
You can run round like crazy
always hitting dead ends
or twisting and winding round every bend
chasing your tale and doubling back where you've been
And repeating mistakes you still don't mean
trying to cut through the bushes to cheat a quick path,
it might make you happy now
But I guarantee it won't last
because no matter how many shortcuts in life you try to take
It's always going to end up being a mistake
I think most of us feel lost most the time
am I coming or going ,**** it pass me the wine
So let's loose myself ,disappear in style
Even if it only lasts  a while
Coz after 3 bottles and I'm saying I'm fine
while grabbing thin air to get that last bit of wine
And it finally happens and you fall flat on your face
And it's clear to all your fall from grace
and there's no sickening feeling that utter shame
and knowing you only have yourself to blame
For there is only so long we can put  blame on others,
my mother did This and my dad is a ******
And just like this poem
I'm.not sure where I'm going
haha the ****** up me is showing
I'm trying to say something but not exactly sure what It is
my heads going nuts I'm in a right tiz
in fact I don't even remember how this poem came to light,
Maybe it's a sign that's it's time to step up to fight







.....