There are some days where I am the most boring person I’ve ever known.
I wake up sick, after drinking until late in the morning,
And all that goes through my brain is the amount of money
I lost gambling the night before;
Just the figures,
What I lost to whom,
Over and over again.
Then I lay around my moms house
Watching dumb videos on YouTube
Just to be doing something.
It is a horrible way to spend your time
And I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone.
For the last hour new thoughts have come into my head.
I’ve been thinking about when I should drink my first beer.
I know I should at least do something first,
Anything productive,
But I don’t.
I need to get new shoes,
Soap, shaving cream, and toothpaste
But I don’t.
I don’t even brush my teeth.
And I think about that,
And how the restaurant I work at has been closed for plumbing
For the last 4 days
And I’ll I’ve done is drink
And gamble.
I think about how this is no way to take care of myself -
I would never do this to someone else -
Yet here I am
And I don’t care.
So I pour myself a beer
And the taste in my mouth alone
Starts relieving the sickness in my gut
And adds a little levity to my brain,
Allowing me to write this.

I took my morning shots of whisky and then got in a friends car and went to work at the factory. We pulled in on all the lose gravel with its familiar sound and I hopped out into the cold seeing my breath. A co-worker was outside smoking his vape before work, a healthy hippy type. I stopped by him for a moment as he looked at the sky and he said, "You see that? It'll never be like that again." The clouds were thick like they are after rain and the morning sun made them special as a few birds flew by and I said, "Yea it's wonderful out there like that, each day is new." Then I went inside and got to work packaging hummus.

The moths all gather and dance around the bright lights
While the owls hoot mournfully somewhere in the distant dark,
And through it all
The flowers bloom.

I was close enough with a friend and his family to where his dad would beat my friend with me in the house. I had two friends like this, although I only heard it with one - with the other I saw he was scared of the wire hanger cause of his step dads baleful laugh.
He wouldn't do it in front of me. His dad would take him upstairs with an angry order after he got home, when my friend had played with me - basketball or climbing trees or whatever kid game we'd think up - before he finished his homework. I heard the screams, the crying, and the apologies from downstairs. Then my friend would come downstairs with teary eyes and a red face to tell me I had to go so he could do his homework. The dad must've had a bad day at work. He wanted his son to succeed and was probably worried for him, that he wouldn't end up as well off as him.

There was a day I was working at a factory when a 25 foot concrete section of the ceiling fell on the walk in cooler where I worked. The managers reaction was to send us back in to get the product out. Whenever he went under the ceiling he stood in the doorway for a moment looking up at it, then ran to the next room. After an hour the production workers, those without protection of a walk in cooler, were sent back to work. We talked about it outside before they went back in. Almost everyone was laughing about it. "Wasn't that crazy?" "**** that was scary. Anything could've happened." "That could've hit one of us!" But laughing about it, then going back to work.

I'd like to say my ship is moving up and down with the raging waves,
Or even just crashing and splitting with wooden shrieks,
But it's been sinking far down into calmer waters that don't face the storms;
And now it's stopped
And there is nothing.

What does it matter?
Pack a bag with a tent and a sleeping bag
Then sleep outside for a month.
Wake up with the traffic and go to the corner store for several beers.
Let the store owners learn your habits.
Go to the park and lay against a tree with your beers
Then drink till you fall asleep
And nap like a cat in the sun.
Gamble with your friends and take their money
Or give them you’re money
And do it until 730 in the morning
Shouting at each other with excitement and anger and laughs
And fun until someone can’t bet anymore.
Be irresponsible.
Smoke you’re cigarettes inside.
Have *** instead of going to work.
Who wants to be responsible all the time?
There’s a time for that.
There’s nothing wrong with letting loose and living as wild as you want to.
Just don’t be a fool and nothing’s the matter.
Indulge.
Indulging is a great thing.
Just don’t jump over the edge unless you’re attached to a bungee chord,
And if you do,
Just make sure you have someone to pull you back up
So you’re not left dangling there.