Ashley

Ashley Apr 2019

Tires

The day you left you
You not only left tire marks on the road
You left them on my heart

The mark of you was left
I watched you walk out the door
With tears in my eyes

I wanted to yell
I wanted to scream
But I swallowed the lump in my throat

Tear stained eyes
Broken hearted
That's how you left me

Three years together fell apart in seconds
Your love that once was so strong now flees from you so quickly
The day you slammed the door my heart shattered

There are times I go back to that moment
I watch you leave
I watch my heart break from outside of myself

Longing for the outcome to be different
Wishing you wouldn't race out of here so quickly
I was hoping you would turn around and come back to me

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again
But I don't care I will continue to go back to that place
Hoping that things will change

Hope is a dangerous thing
Every time I go back with hopes high
My heart gets crushed a little more

One day when I go back
That last bit of my heart will break
But until then I shall continue to go back with hopes high

Ashley Apr 2019

Goodbyes

Goodbyes are the hardest part
Seeing you walk towards the door
I can feel my heart beat in my ears

You are one step from the door
Everything in me wants to yell
Stop please don't leave me

Silently I scream
I knew that even you stayed
Life would never be the same

Your love left long before you did
For months you were just phoning it in
Your love for me was nothing but fabricated

Ashley Apr 2019

Distance

They always say distance makes the heart grow founder
Me myself I don't believe that
The distance that separates you from me is anything but cruel

How I long to be near you
How I long to smell your cologne
How I long to hear your heart beat when we hug

I miss hearing they way you say my name
I miss you always being around
Why is it again that this distance must separate use

How I cant wait to see you again
In heaven is where I will see your face
A little piece of my heart is up there with you

My heart will be restored
When I enter into you presence again
Even though I cant feel you I know you are always with me

Ashley Apr 2019

Passing Ships

I walk past you everyday
Your radiant smile catches my eye
The way you carry yourself is so striking

Do you notice me the same way I notice you
Is my smile enough to have your heart skip a beat
Is my laugh enough to make you smile

When you laugh I feel my heart beat faster
When you look at me I begin to melt
When you drive I cant help but want to ride with you

What is it you see when you look at me
A girl so mesmerized by you
Or will you just look right on through

Maybe we are just passing ships
Never to dock on the shore
We are to continue sailing right on through

Ashley Mar 2019

unEXspected

Even though we are long past
The thought of you takes me back
Can I ever be as happy as I was with you

When I was with you my heart skipped a beat
Butterflies filled my tummy
My mind would race with thoughts

To be with you was all I wanted
Every second of everyday
To just lay in your arms, that was the place I wanted to stay

You're smile was the best part of my day
You're laugh was so amazing I couldn't help but laugh with you
You're heart was soft and kind that I couldn't help but fall for you

When people talk about falling in love I didn't think it would hurt this bad
I didn't know that falling for you would make my heart break like this
I didn't realize how loving you could break every part of me

In the end I was left questioning myself
Am I loved?
Am I to much to handle?
Am I enough to make you happy

I questioned the very essence of my being
Loving you turned into hating myself
Something that I will struggle to fix the rest of my life

You made me feel less then what I was
For that is now something that is stitched on my heart
I now have made it a mission to never feel like that again

Because of you I fear love
Because of you I run from commitment
Because of you I know what its like to feel true heart break

Will I ever be able to allow myself to love again
Will this scar on my heart ever heal
Or will I forever be afraid to love with all my heart like I loved you

How is it that I could feel both extremes with you
How could I feel what it was like to truly love someone and also feel complete heart break with them
How is it that you could be the very one to fill my heart and break it

Trust is so fragile so easily broken
Because of that I have not loved as deeply sense you
I have been to afraid to feel heart break

Trust is such a frail thing and because of you I find it hard to trust him
What if he is the one that's supposed to love me forever
What if I'm missing out on so much because of you

Ashley Mar 2019

You

You spoke my name so soft and gentle
Your smooth words like butter
To the outside world you were a smooth criminal

But to me your words were sharper then glass
They cut straight through my flesh
Wounds that no one could see but that I could feel

Your words were like knifes into my chest
With each word the cut grew deeper
What I felt with you wasn't heartache it was heart break

All I wanted was to lay with you for hours
To place my head on your chest and hear your heart beat
But all you wanted was to feel my heart break

Your love was what I craved but
What I got in return was a knife through the heart
A cut so straight forward and so clean

You left me there with a knife in my chest
A wound I had to patch by myself
Empty and broken is how I was left

A wound that has now some what healed
the scar on my heart still remains
Even though you left so long ago

Trust issues are woven in the edge of that scar
laced with insecurities
a wound I will carry with me forever

The scar you left scares others away
No man can come close to my heart
They fear that the wound will start to bleed

Your word effect not only my past but my future
to the outside world you were a smooth criminal
But to me you were just the opposite you were a monster

Ashley Mar 2019

Space

When I asked him for space I didn't want the sky
I only wanted a gap between him and I
When I asked for space I didn't mean forever

Space is what I was granted
But the space he gave was the sky
He didn't separate himself from me

He instead gave me love
A love I could not receive
A love that made me hide

A love that drove me far from him
A space was no longer what I needed
A separation between was what I seek

He was not the problem
His love was not wrong
But intern it was me who was in the wrong

The love that he wanted from me I couldn't feel
A love that he craved was not in my heart
I knew in that moment it was time for us to part

Space is such a funny thing
Space can mean so many things
How could one know the space that you mean