Then the wind blew a little rough
You got scared and left me behind
It was okay and it still is
But what hurts the most are the words you spitted at me
They felt real and full of warmth
I sensed ripen truth in each line
They were sweet and sour
But were loaded with lies
I felt pretty then u killed the vibe
Now I am back in the past
And I am lying flat on the ground
Starring at the sky full of mist
I can't get to see past through it
Belief is whispering and asking me to seek
But my anxiety is warning me to lay low under the tree
This is huge and gigantic
Something that I have watered to grow this big
Once It was in my palm now it is slipping through my fingertips
Now hope screeches on the back of my shoulder
Begging me to fight before fleet
But there goes my insecurities who are  ready
To chain me here for eternity.

Then one fine morning I will drop everything and just Die.
A morning that will bleed
No more suffocation
Freedom will be me
Happiness will be the heartbeat
The earth will be humming goodbyes
I will rest in peace
Far from humans
In the middle of the sea
My cries will be heard
I will be punished
Banished to the jungle
Falling in love with the beast
There will be no me
Just body making love with it
The soul has already been ****** out
And threw underneath the guilt
Caged, suffocated, undesired me
I will be all alone and being absorbed by fears
Thy I say goodbye to the heavens and thy  earth
Finally leaving my land to set foot in dark
I accept my fate and crawl back to it
Please suffocate me and leave me miserable
Leaving the fest to be the feast
I will be honoured to be the end
Accepting all my inner demons
I will let them devour me
A sacrifice, a Myth, A festival will be happening
I will be the curse in disguise of music
All be gone while I last
An eternal life in a glass of wine.

While slipping through the abyss
I see colours; Monochrome
It's bright, shines at me
Even this greyscale has shades.
When the icy blast hit my lungs
I found myself at absolute solecy
Once again,here I am
In this abyss
Absolutely lost and confused
I notice how much life has taken from me
While wondering, how much I have intentionally gave away
Makes me realize how the story has  started after the end

A heart that desires escape
Is what a heart is searching for
This want can never be satisfied
Will only make the life more miserable
The moment we believe we are free
Is the moment we get more entangled with slavery
Back then it was the powerful people
And now the desire of a perfect life
We humans are never free
We are caved within us
Life just keep influenceing us
While we are being influenced
We humans are pitiful creature indeed
We bleed
But refuse to stop it.

I admit I am weak. Controlled by the fears I have in me. See, I am not comfortable with me. True, I don't share but this body I have I neglected it  so much that It is hard to accept it that fast. I don't want people to comment on me I don't want myself to feel unhappy and unfit in that picture perfect scene. I want to go but again I don't  want to go.Maybe no one will say anything,maybe I will feel better with them,maybe I will manage but this anxiety and fear is an old friend and I really don't like them.I don't want myself to feel sad or anything else I want to be me-the me I always wanted to be.Once,I am happy with me there will be nothing to stop me but for now I need you to know that it is hard,It is hard to embrace my ugly me.I know what I am, I no disrespect me but this body is a shame that I am facing for centuries.I know you love me the way I am but I am sorry I am never okay with what I have .I can't write you all this cause that is my worst nightmare.I do want to be with you but my mind is way too strong than this heart.I don't want anyone to taungt you for me so,just let it be.I am truly happy you asked me to come but I will be more happy if you let me be and understand my reasons.

We all are hurt,
Controlled by the fears we carry in us.
No matter what it never gets better
We cry and say 'it is okay' and then we cry again.
Sometimes we make a call to our loved once and cry our hearts out and other days we just keep our hearts shut.
Isn't this is what we are doing almost everyday?
We want to help sometimes while staying clueless how.
Some nights we scream out for help and even there are days when we bursts our like  volcanoes for no good reasons.
are we teenagers really that clueless about life?
Some nights I lose myself while arguing with my mind that we are not that useless.
But do we really ever get that one chance to let the adults know that we are hurt?
How many of us are there who have tons of feeling inside of them but not a single word to name their cries.
So,it's not just the adults.
We also go through the pain of being alive.