Never let me down, I just can’t take it
I say this to myself on a daily basis
The sound of my voice in my head gets louder and louder
Until the sun rises, my mom couldn’t be prouder
Of me
Of her
Of all the effort and hurt
How to deal with life 101? running his hand up my leg and under my skirt

But this is not the way, the way to get love and be loved even if only for a day

I do what you want me to, so that I don’t make you mad, the only time I have a voice is when I mimic dad

Who would have thought, Parents problems persist precautiously and even when they’re gone, they still steal the good moments so easily

That voice in my head that gets louder and louder? That’s half my dad half my mom except they never grow prouder and prouder

Their eyes stare through my entire being, no explanation in this universe could explain this feeling

I will always be damaged, somewhat beautifully so
But at least when I breathe life Into my own, I will never let them go.

“You’re hiding something from me” are the words I am told when I am acting differently or I distance myself from your loving arms. “You’re speaking to someone else” are the words that are carved into my hands day in and day out.

I carry us both across the velvet green river and although my legs may shake and the sweat begins its dance down my face and neck, I still carry the life boat we call love and hope to make it to the other side.

They say there is no you without me but perhaps there is no Me without.. Me. I have lost who I am and who I was meant to be, I do not blame you for the selfish acts you never meant to radiate towards me.

Why must it be assumed that I am an unfaithful lover when my tired soul reaches out to rest. I am unfaithful to myself and not a lover worth fighting for.

Let me search and wander until I find the person I lost a little while ago, but while I do that, see that I do love you, I am just more tired than I have ever been.

Savannah