Depression

If i am depressed dont try and compete with me
Depression isnt a game or a progression in life
It is an obsession of pain and time that comes back continuesly
Once it hits u fake or not ur gone until u have what ur heart desires
Even if u had to light a thousand fires every night to get it u would
But thats only 5% of it..
.
You will think everythings going to be fine
Yea i guess it will
Just not now
How can things be fine when u commit the crime of hate and abuse to urself sometimes physically and sometimes emotionally
You try and forget all the words they said
Try build new worlds where u could be happy
But its just another ****** outcome of pain all over again...
.
I have never felt depression worst than this
Slits on my wrists
Tears that race down my face
Maybe ill just go stand in the rain
Cause that way no one can see ur tears and pain
I cry and hell i wish i could end it all and fly into heaven
But thats not how it works
All these ropes have ties
And i cant undo all my crimes and cries attached to them
.... ....
-Mari De Villiers xoxo

I laid on the floor , leaning against the door
Tears in my eyes, as I stare into the sunrise
Another sleepless night, with no inner light
Memories refill my mind, and I become blind
Once again

Everyone asks why, but yet I walk away like always
I wonder if they hear my cries
Or do they see the pain in my eyes
Do they see the scars all over my arms
Which are almost fading , making me have a craving

A craving to take the blade
I am not afraid of death
I am not afraid of taking my last breath
I am not afraid of the flood of blood
Leaking from my skin

To be honest, its similar to
Playing violin , except
On your skin ,but
I wonder , do they really care
Or does my words slip by like air


-Mari De Villiers
-Mari.***.FMH
--- --- --- --- ---

I feel like I'm Alice and
I've fallen into the hole which leads to wonderland
But I've found myself without
My group of crazy
And far from the mad hatter
For they are the ones who lead me
And keep me to safety

I wonder how
I'll get my way through this land
And be glad
Again one day
With the love
Of my group of
CRaZy
Maybe I'm just lazy
To look
But i certainly
Miss them

To the end
Of my eternity
I shall love my
Group of crazy

But for my twist
Of this poetry
My group of crazy
Is but one person
Who I die for
The attention of
This magnificent
Person whom I
Send love to

He plays my heart
Like an instrument
Which he has
Practiced over for
Many years

-Mari De Villiers
-Mari.***.FMH

The fable told a true story ,of an angel
Flowing hair and her skin golden and fair
Her eyes glowing and her dress flowing with the wind
Her body tight , and looks like she would put up a fight
Her heart, to big for her body, it could tear her apart
Her innocence, could **** her in an instant

He came along
She fell in love and he felt strong
He played her like she was a toy
And she treated him like he was more than just a boy
He made her heart shatter and felt bad
But then she flattered him and he lost all his care

Others seemed to wonder is this fair
They would give them a long stare
Knowing she was in pain, yet again
Yet she acted as if , it was the best
And he acted as if she was to much stress

Little did he know it would snow power onto her
She started the war and made it the core as the winner and the sinner
She cared to soon and to much
He cared to late and to little

So her story of the angel she was, is now a fabel
As she is no longer just angel, yet demon, with more freedom

-Mari De Villiers