You look at me with burning desire and I want nothing more than to pour my soul and entire being into your skin. Crawl inside of you and live there. Free from worries and cares free some scars and traumas. It’s warm. You are liberating and intoxicating. When you want me I am on top of the world. I am a superstar shining bright. My friends joke about the glow. lol.
But you don’t always want me, do you?
You can’t see the ugly. You can’t see the scars and the trauma because then, then I’m not welcome inside you. I’m not worthy of the love anymore when my face is red, when I am fuming with resent because I let you pour yourself into me! All of your manliness and ego, submerged inside of me. You enjoyed in it there. It was warm. Except you didn’t pour your soul into me. Only your desire. Now I sit here empty, wasted, after you drugged me with your aura. A single dose is all I need to keep me from feeling sick another few days. I consume your testosterone without question like an infant to their mothers breast. It is instinct and habit and as far as I can tell, I need it to survive. To function, to breathe I need your skin near me. You act as though I am a dessert, a pleasant treat, far from necessary to complete a meal but delicious and filling nonetheless. You dive into my thoughts and indulge my deepest fantasies without leaving the comfort of your warm nurturing skin that I need so bad. You don’t need to pour yourself into someone to feel complete, you are not like me. You wake up intact, confident, ready to conquer the world, you are my king. I am readily available to answer every beck and call. I want to be your everything sweet prince can’t you see??? I have it all! I am the aroma, the soft touch, the mystifying site, I am your sun and moon and everything in between I am candied regret drenched in chocolate covered in whipped cream. Look at me! I’ve given Myself to you is this surrender not enough? Is my pain not a testament of my unyielding love and desire to please? Am I sour to the taste? A bitter orange. A tasteless mango. I submit myself to you! I submit to your requests. I can hide the pain better I promise. I can shed my tears in silent. I didn’t mean to show you my ugly please stay. Please don’t walk away from me. Don’t let the hurt distract you from my magic please. I can be pretty again look! I can put on mascara and you can’t even tell I was crying. I was kidding. Actually, I was dying. No I wasn’t I am fine! Please look into my eyes tell me you don’t see a princess. She’s there, look! She’s pretty and dainty and everything you want, she’s vulnerable but I promise she won’t put the pressure of holding me up! You don’t need to be my foundation and my rock I can hold it together my self. Look, I put on lipstick for you it’s all better now. Kiss me. I’m beautiful on the outside that is what you like right? This is how it is supposed to be, simple and pretty look, I can do it! Look I’ve curled my hair for you and I left the house. I’ve sobbed in the shower and hexed these wounds. “I curse the day I felt anything!” I scream loudly at the moon. You watch from a distance, as you pop a chocolate in your mouth. A charming and tasty treat to fulfill your sweet tooth.
I’d appreciate any feedback.