I don't yearn anymore

For your eyes, for your touch

For you to say yes

You chose, you spoke the truth

Even if not in so many words

As you simply didn't want to explain

Or tell me why

Why you stumbled too like I did

Why you may have wanted it too

As much as I did

The known gives you comfort and safety

So be it.

I yearn for the tempestuous, not for  predictability

I yearn for the hurricane, not for the humble river

Sorry for not taking better care of you.
Sorry for not loving you enough.
Sorry for not being honest.
I tried, I really tried.
And I failed, miserably. You were the best I could have had.
I knew it then. I admit it now.
For those who keep asking why can't I let you go, the answer is simple -
I'm scared. Not of loneliness.
But of the fact that one day I am going to meet someone, I'm going to fall in love, he is going to let me down, and I am going to think of you.
The one who always made me feel safe. The one who treated me respectfully. The one who lavished me with love and affection. I am going to meet a much colder version of myself.
And he is going to shatter me. And I will go back and think of you. And repent that I should have given us another chance.
But I can't anymore. I can't take care of the both of us.
We need to grow, independently this time, I'm afraid.
It's time I lay you to rest.

My head feels heavy and dizzy

Throw a ring over my head

Like you always do

Make me feel less than I am

What am I?

Your cold and distant downfall

Your overtly emotional nuisance

I am too much, too little

The one you push away

The one you pin down

The face changes

The chaos continues

Always the anti-hero

How can it be

When I am on the losing end, always

You leave me high and dry

Render me motionless

A conflict between my two sides

The pragmatic one and the whimsical one

The one who rationalizes

And the one who lives outside my body

The one who kills the slightest sense of emotion

The one who wants to break free

from all this analysis paralysis

A tug of war

between love and logic

Between fantasy and reality

But the battle was already lost

The casualty lies bleeding and helpless

I've bled till there is nothing left

Hope succumbed to the truth

What would you have chosen?

If I had to start listing down my vices, I would start with sloth, my God complexes and you....
Thinking about you every night before going to sleep
In between my dreams, in them, and after them.
In a state of wishfulness and delusion,I imagine you are mine
That you long for me the same way that I long for you
Ages ago, the mere sight of you or even the thought of you
Would comfort me and embrace me with hope
Hope that you might, one day, very soon, see how we are meant to be
Or hope, that on my grand revelation, you would shed your own inhibitions
And tell me, that, afterall this while, it really wasnt all in my head
I have lived through my darkest and most dismal days on this tiny glimmer of hope
And comforted myself by the fact, that you really didnt know
And that was enough for a while
Till you broke the bubble
And you did it with style
You gave me a taste of what it would be like to be with you
But you snatched it away even more quickly
No questions asked, no feelings exchanged, no explanations given
A drunken misdemeanour for us, thats all
A new kind of torture had been planted
Whats real and what was just a dream, was made clear once and for all
Maybe this is the best thing that could have happened
Cause hope can be a curse
That mind palace can imprison you and eat away at who you really are within
But I had gotten my dose
With passion and nonchalance, both

No what-ifs, no butterflies
Truthfulness and acceptance
Maybe this is the best thing that could have happened

A standing ovation for our player...