Am a locked door so dont try coming in
Am a prophet of nothing much
The envelopes straight in the bin, a velour suit with unwanted yellow crotch stains , true to my word when i say am a liar, a benadryl user not an abuser
A frequent vape non fiction denier, a end of road pothole survivor,  a stich in your timeline offender, an opened tv schedule when you look there's nothing of worth on , a bleak sunday afternoon accompanied with songs of praise,  the white **** thats now but a myth, sent to the annals of left behinds. A drink merchant with no merchandise,  waking story of my life , am an open door let yourself in, feast on non biological embryos,  its a means too whos ends. A pitstop that never begun,  a holiday of no fun. Sun with no heat, cold caressing breath on your foul open pored lizard like wrapping , its only skin deep, now jog the **** on , trembling trees, destructive thoughs, variants of the symptoms of you, white has never been so black , painting transient shadows in a urban hide,  too many tv cooks spoil there view, a street life safari,  its been my pleasure your room with my view ,,,**

They feed me thiamine,  to stop the rot .
Alcoholism dementia , memories all but lost .
Desperate measures,  in Desperate times
Starving misrepresented peasants , in modern binds
Fake or fortune,  love not hate
Childhood trauma  to navigate  

Open sores bleed  it out, paint a pictue if in doubt , crazy times with fent cut lines , death all over , waisted lives
Channel hoping in rubber boats , bloated children wash up on shores , bombs a popping everywhere,  seems everyone is unaware,  humanity spent , its come undone,  what a crock of **** we've  become

She was like a sunset on a **** shaped piece of sand
A picture of health,no card dealt by then .
The sky blue
The new you.

Over and over again its madness., this post procrastination.

Live your life heady one it really is not lasting

I am a disposable unit, I'll play the game then be gone.
Am just number,
In a endless march
Gone wrong.
A piece of degradable garbage, a slum tenement,  forgotten.
A new build replaces the old, the old just memories that shall soon see the last dawn .
It's just an ongoing process of processing old for new , morning then night , now yesterday no more .
Am a flash in the pan , a swan vesta, fuel in your car . I hope  I'll  be remembered for just who I am . X

The pessimistic times of solitary emptiness
Hopefully
Open up
The
Next extreme
Bout of
Happiness

Wealth  Wealth  wealth
And the constant Need for it , I could have it all , all that it gives, but place me in an empty room within my mansion of greed filled dreams,
I am still left unfulfilled
With the same inner thoughts
With nothing
Much changed

You write your whole soul on a
piece of paper , only to discard it in the bin moments later , move on try again   open your innermost thoughts trying to  get it down .
This whole process can leave you bare and empty
Emotionally drained , spent , struggling for rent
Food and the
Essential
Substances
That push the pen

I miss the summer freckles on your face , your chorus like voice
Upped
My pace .
The scent you gave off, when you  graced my place ,
I'll be forever waiting
For these days again .
Memories are just a part of time , but our Memories
Keep me in line .
The freckles on your face , the scent that still won't fade,
Just about keeps me by your side

It really was the most unpleasant of days,  my close friend had had enough.  Well he hadn't but his body called time up . It was winter 96 , he had no family as such just the bums the port wine eternity the poor ladies of the night .
The paupers funeral was attended by very few , the cold that day probably took a few more empty souls . I stood front and centre said my final goodbyes then proceeded to the nearest liquor store bought an quart of white port an eighth the cheapest whisky and indulged my sorrows on the coldest of that empty winters day

Sunday always with
Monday
Playing
On
My mind
Tuesday
Ain't
Getting
Better
Mid
Week
Wednesday
Leveling
Out
Just
Fine
Thursday
Came
And
Went
The
Time
Not
So
Much
Playing
On
The
Friday
Coming
Round
Guess
It's
All
Worked
Out fine

Soon I'll be dead and rotting in the ground or Ash that was once there on  well kept swept forgotten floors.
When I say
Soon I don't mean literally , heavens above,  you ain't getting rid of me .
Stooge like relics preaching propaganda ,  wave my wish like wand and calm ya .
Carry my banner
With nothing exclusive
On
It
The day to day is
All
I request
From it

I met the devil, halfway down the stairs, he asked me politely if I was ready for down there.
I've been down there up stairs, I've been down in the mouth, I've searched every level and come undone, walked the weary road searching for fun, drove a car picked up bums, spilt blood from bleeding gums, flung out my arms in need of someone, looked up to the soul starved sky, found nothing in return.
I'll just take your stairs your burning love, it's seemingly for ever, I've had worse above

Hey sometimes I'll call you lately,  Another pain in this body hurts , I've been dreaming about the morro and everything just works,  wake up in the morning,  the smell of your being , got to be better than these drugs x

I look out the nicotine stained ]
I look out the nicotine stained
Window at the now defunct Church,
Once a place of worship now just drowning in drugs, a place for a fix, to fix thing again, until you Need to be better again,
The once majestic hero of all Christian faith, looks down on his flock and sees pain once again, the new messiah appears, he gives out his wears, there his flock now selling them misery and tears

The bleach can only wash and disperse the accumulation the dirt and grime you pick up in the day to day
The stuff that gets in your pours and under you skin not so easy
You purge yourself from the inside out hopefully the feeling of flilth will go away .
But your trapped  nothing is shifting this abuse you've endured on the day to day,  
If you could bottle it up anymore you could  sell that misery, you tell yourself there's only one ticket out , but the ticket is for your abuser stamped no return.
You've controlled my being for so long if I don't act now I fear I'll be forever gone 💔

Don't come round here ******* on my parade , with your swollen liver scented *****,
Feel free to abuse me and and all that goes with it , I'll take it all in,
Sweep me under your thread bare carpet , the one with the cigarette holes in .
Get me beaten to within in an inch of my light , but I ain't putting you down My sweet bottle I do belive were bonded for life ,
You gave me some pleasure in the beginning this is true , but the misery you bring now ain't nothing new,
I weep for forgiveness as I open you once more ,knowng  again you've got a taste for my soul,  
So i ask once again down on my knees , please release me dear bottle or lay me in peace

I can barely bring myself to listen  to the music I love so much , the pain it brings , thoughts of distance things , open air scent memories,  a crippling unease of wasted dreams

Another person in the soil no face no name to speak of
Just a heap of digging and planted no saving grace, the wilted flowers now all but gone ,
It's cold and wet now , the dark sky's turned grey to black , I lay beside them , on the fresh mound I mourn,

when alcohol gave me a sence of belonging,
The warm glow, the ever present flow of indestructible self belief.
The promised land was the 10 o'clock tram to a place of self destruction.
No blame layed at her door although it was mostly open . I tred on open sores , head telling me more, knowing they've drawn my final curtain.
I promise once again to the voice inside my head, this poison can't be the solution

I remember being able to fly like a bird directly to the sun with no thought that it would burn me , being the dew on the lawn with no thought of evaporation,  the grain of the corn with no fear of harvest,  I've grown older now , no longer without fear , the fear I fear most now is daily in here ..

Insanity profanity,  anxiety unstable , mind unable , can't walk no time to talk, knee **** reaction to a basterdised can't work out fraction,  a faint glimour of glamour  , life brung to an abrupt end , Peter Sutcliffe,  ball "pain" hammer

Well am still on this road, that holds no gold , just a *** of sour memories,
The more I search , there is no help just people with false dreams.
I drunk them dreams took em too the streams of unfashionable places to be ,

Got wrote off tore off drunk some more of the jailer I called queen .
Layed my head down sought the liquid crown , and that was the end for me.
Or so I thought
Till I lost the plot in a small town just of the Ochiltree  vally.
Queer folks rambling,  trading anything for gambling , drinkin gut rot home stilled unpleasantries,
I picked my way , from this  darkest of  days and now lie in my wooden box regardless

The rain falls
On thirst encroached
Dirt

It saviours it
Like my first
Drink of the day

The wet
The quench
The waiting is over

The cracks
Grow  closer again
Revitalized

My dry brain
Welcomes fluid
Along with my nerves

Its dry again
My money spent

My **** is mostly brown
Liver screams enough
My bowel motion
Is loose

I pour more of my death
It's my only friend
My premature end
Pancreatic dead

My glass is full
My addiction rules
My bed is wet
My heads a mess


It's what it is
The drink
My thrill
The end is upon
Me
My innards
Distilled

It's a dream seemingly
Am a fad unclean
She's air in my tar filled lungs
I spew bile
Cleans my teeth

Rancid sweat
Smells so sweet
***** smells just
The same

My sky is always grey
Her hair is as expected
The drain overflowed
With excrement

She looks at me with
Eyes dripping of love
I look back
And  just know

My skin is crawling with insects
My mind is begging
My legs are swollen
Am full of loathing
Shop is calling
My saviour
My ill

I open my first
The endless
Ritual my thirst
The insects
Now gone
Habitual
Quenched
Lust

Wake up
Full of dred
Head to the sink
Which is then fed

Bile mostly
Tap runs
*****
Dispersed
Last nights
***


I
Reach
To my saviour
The
One i know
Best ,
My 9%
Godsend
I love him
The best


An hour passes
I start
Feeling
Ill
The cramps in my stomach
The fever is real

No money
To fix this
My head
Full of dred
The perfume
I bought her
Is drunk
With intent

I just took a ****
It had a stench
Of scarred
Liver.
I opened
Another
Turned
The
Mirror...

I
Slipped
And clawed
My
*****
Is
Brown.
My fecall
Matter
Matters
Not
Now...

The
Yellow
Of skin
Is
Oh
So
Clear.
Ive
Gone
To
Far
Now
My
Wish
Is
Here .

Its hard
Indulged
Abused
Used
Self
Pity
Broken
Dreams
Overdose
Addiction
Wars
****
Stained
Jeans
Razor
Blades
Open
Vain
What
Have
I become

I cut the cut again
The blood ,i bled
Noise in my head .
Gasping for air
My cutting chair
Iron scented liquid
Encroaching the floor
My life was mine
I ask for no more

Rebel into a life so free

Pic
Out
The
Bits
Of
Pleasantry.

Indulge
In
Nothing
Much
Its
All
Hypocrisy