Dance and sing, flash the world with your colors.
Scream and laugh and seek kindness in friends,
Always trust and give chances
Preach the truth, share your lunch,
save a bug, give your seat,
Be yourself. Always question and know that
your journey brings answers.

Little girl you chose me

Today, in the millions
you spoke.
You exerted your freedom of speech.
You stamped your convictions by choosing
the best suited person to lead.
You rose while our world crumpled and failed you,
You spoke because you now felt the need.

We, the world waited with anticipation for this day and it finally
came.
To see our bold Americans speak their mind and make the change.
In droves you came,
and lined up, hid in boxes and picked a name.
You told the world exactly who you are.
The world was watching, judging, hoping and depending on you to want the same as us.
Your action brought a satisfaction that you were heard and you
went home clear minded that you choose the best, while the rest of us couldn't close our eyes and stayed up staring with unrest.
The voice of America spoke today.
Your voice. The day our happiness would depend.
Turns our undefeated most popular student in our 2020 yearbook has terrible taste in men.

We want to love and support you because we all owe you for
being American. For shaping our history. For coke and levis and gossip magazines and saving our ***** at some point in time.

But with disbelief and disappointment, the light we once looked for in dark times has gone astray.
We may have to turn our back on you.
This shame we feel might make us have to look away.

So many of you spoke today and voted at the polls,
We don't know who you are anymore,
you choose a broken man, a person with no soul.

This cursed virus haunts us all we need leaders that will see the plight of the common man and have answer s for what will be.
Yet choice you made today will poison us,  like an oil spill in the sea.
An added disappointment while we cling to broken promises and a life which used to be.

Proximity binds us together,
Slightly forced without knowing  
together we grow.
Making memories rooted in acceptance,
Hand in hand we inspire strength, speak our mind,
make mistakes.
Always next door,
we forgive because we must.
We quickly forget.
Or not. But we learn to accept that
we may not agree.
In the morning I dislike you but by lunch
you're the best.
We are all different ages but we find common ground.
Bound by proximity we agree were the same.
Bound by our values
Each unique in our ways.

Looking back when Im older
I will smile at these days.
Building legos, playing barbies, making mud pies and tag,
or quietly reading in the silence
as we lay side by side.
Right here in this moment, is this now that we're in,
with you right beside me the world feels less grim.
You're the kid next door and you let me come in your home,
Without prejudice we find likeness so were never alone.

Touch me,
Because I'm forgetting how it feels.
Need me,
Because I need you to fill this void.
Love me,
Even though I don't love myself.
Promise to stay,
So I panic and run away.
Be yourself,
While I only see what I want.
Don't disappointment me,
Because I've done that enough to myself.

She crouches down in the church doorway so her lacy obnoxious red headress barely fits through the doorway of the church.
Its filled with mormons as they marry a young girl in white lace cursed with sorrow and confusion.
A room full of strangers. They turn to look at her. A room full of emptiness and desperation.
Of course her big red veil made her late. She looks around as she adjusts it....
She thought her entrance would make it worth it not worried it will be impractical. Its enormous but she loves it.

She’s in the wrong place. She scans to see a room of strangers.
They stare. She's late and she's at the wrong church.

As she awkwardly turns around and bends back through the church doorway, squishing her big red useless headdress through the door...as discreetly as possible says.. I’m sorry.
She's gone and but leaves a permanent ripple on anyone who looked at her.
No one could look away or ever forget what they saw.
This long legged colorful Queen.

When I met her she had stuffed a wooden mannequin hand up her sleeve, she made me shake it and as I looked at it and tried to calculate what was happening as she danced and slide away and disappeared into the night, with it, for it, made it her own.
But I was compelled. I wanted to run after her. Bow to her.
Her and her wooden hand.
This Queen of the night.
I knew everything should bow to her.

This Queen from another world.
Living in the wrong kingdom with strings of light that follow behind her.
This creature that cups her world in her hands,
There she rests,
Where it all makes sense.
Meanwhile she tries to play normal,
In our world of puppets and mimes.
Her wind that makes her soar is coloured in shades we cannot see,
but when we are near her we want to glide with her.
Fly with her forever.
We want to see her colors.
But she likes to crash.
She spreads her broken wings across the grass again and again and as she closes her eyes this unpredictable wind makes her go.
Again.
She sails.
She soars.
She crashes again.
She starts over.
Spreading her wide broken wings across  the grass.
And as we loyally try to catch as she falls into space,
something else catches her and makes her soar yet again.
Not us.
Only she knows how to soar.
She holds the key.
And as she soars and we watch in awe,
As she glides again.
And grows like long grass

So there you go, she's the plot twist that throws us all off.
An anomaly, A strange constellation.
An island on a map you can’t see that only few have been to.
Invitation only.
Don't try to make sense of it,
Even though it feels familiar.
Maybe one day you will ride in her windy sky.
It’s filled with promise that life is so much more.
Endlessly calling your name,
Embracing you with scents and sounds you never knew before.
Only reserved for truly open minded.
Hopelessly inspiring hope.
Leaving a lasting impression that some humans,
very few,
Can never cease to amaze you.

Morgana, forever.

May 29
The Cattails

Near the end of the spring as the snow disappears,
all along our bare highways the old cattails appear.
In the wind, like old souls, they ebb and they flow,
as the grass grows much greener in the earth just below.
Not much left there to look at but they all share a tale,
just inside its thick outside, shiny white seeds prevail.
While last summer's bright flowers disappeared and grew old,
Cattails strong little structure braced for the cold.
Not ripe in its color no soft scent to bare,
it stands proud in its marshes knowing it must prevail.
Like a soldier stripped bare in the trenches they quiver,
Their devotion to live makes them fight while all wither.
So next summer as you walk in a field filled with flowers,
Remember that most of their beauty will cower.
The strong ones, these cattails will just carry on.
Unbreakable they ebb and the flow as our gaze looks beyond. Hardship is honor they forever live on.

I did you no wrong.
I devoted my body to make babies.
Our babies.
I risked everything to be with you.
I saw greatness.
I still do.
We had great moments.
We had moments when we could have taken over the world.
We blindly navigated raising two babies
We barely knew each other.
We barely knew ourselves.
But we ventured into the unknown.
You tried, I know you did.
I did too.
But you enforced standards on me,
you constantly reminded me of my failures.
You stopped seeing everything I did
because I stopped expecting you to notice and
step up.
You clung onto to this ******* who got all the girls in the past,
while the world around you changed.
I had no choice to be a mom,
and I did it.
I regret letting my weakness win and allowing
my past lifestyle to sneak into my new life.
I didn't need to do drugs.
I was a mother.
I had it all.
But we weren't happy.
Like rats in cage.
I refused to ask you to help me, to walk with me, to put the kids to bed...I hoped you would offer and you never did.
I should have expressed my needs.
We can't go back and I have no regrets,
I made babies with an exceptional specimen.
But know that I never cheated on you.
I believed in us.
I wanted it to work out.
Im eternally devoted to this family.
To our children.
To you.
Forever my friend.
Im sorry. I know you are too.

Je suis allée te voir un après-midi de Janvier, tu étais enterrée par la neige.
J'ai pris mon grand foulard et j'ai enveloppé ta petite pierre avec ton nom.
Alors je suis tombée dans la neige sous ta petite  pierre .
J'attendais que tu m'avales avec la neige sous moi,
Que tu m'emportes avec toi , peu importe où tu étais.......
Je voulais juste te voir les yeux plein d'amour.

Après quelques minutes seule dans la neige,
J'ai compris que tu n'étais pas là.
Comme d'habitude c'était suivi de tristesse et de colère parce que je suis encore perdue.
Je suis seule,
Tu m'as abandonnée,
J'ai besoin de toi, encore.
Mais pourquoi suis-je venue ici.......

Et soudain une légère brise me caresse le visage, une douce chaleur qui me fait pleurer.
J'entends un oiseau, seul, **** dans le bois en cet après-midi de Janvier....Seul comme moi.

Je me retourne, le dos dans la neige et je regarde là-haut le ciel bleu du mois de Janvier.
Un nuage blanc passe au dessus de moi, il me regarde, on se regarde
Soudainement une chaleur apaisante m'emporte et je comprends....
Tu ne m'attends pas ici, je suis venu vers ton nom sur cette pierre qui sera toujours ici...

Mais tu es tout ce qui m'inspire,
Le ciel, l'oiseau bleu qui chante seul, le petit ruisseau, le lever de soleil, la liberté dans les bois, notre chanson qui joue a la radio, la neige sous moi ce Mercredi en Janvier, le silence qui m'enveloppe, ma solitude...notre solitude.

Je me lève, j'embrasse ta  petite pierre avec ton nom et je continue ma vie sans toi . Tu me manque, Maman.

Keep your feet firmly grounded.
Firm.
Grounded.
Dont open any windows.
Its stale and functional enough to live.
Maintain. Be stable. Be fine.
But I opened the window one day cause I saw you on the other side.
The wind blew in, it was warm and revived me,
And we escaped away in it.
For a while we formed forces in this wind.
It twirled around us while we danced.
Something became.

Then this storm came in.
And the wind grew cold.
And I couldn't remember if there was any ground below me.
I panicked.
and lost you.

My windows are shut now again.
Maybe there will be a storm.
No. There will always be storms.
But a warm wind as bewildering as yours,
maybe never again.

Caring to a fault
Approaches life with doubt
Respectfully does what’s expected
Open to weirdness if no one is watching
Level headed but is bursting with fire
Yes I can attitude but doesn’t respond well to NO
Naturally nurturing by nature

Motivated by results
Inspired by knowledge that breeds change
Astoundingly empathic

Capable of anything
Restricts herself from achieving greatness
Instinctively embraces motherhood
Stands her ground
Tortures herself for no reason
Initiates connection and maintains relationships
Neglects herself for others
Always under appreciated yet so remarkable

Turns out I hate you sometimes.
Just the way you can ruin my day.
The way you affect me.
Every day when you pick me up from work.
Somedays while you rant I'm thinking about
this dead end were in and panic.
I want to open the car door and roll into a field
of grass where I meet a travelling circus.
I leave with them and change my name.
But most of time I take second when you don't notice
and try to see the man I love.
Most of time he's easy to find.
Other times he's been replaced by the other person
I married.
The one who makes me feel small yet up until a moment or
so ago, I felt empowered and accomplished.
I think about strapping you to wall to throw darts at you.
I then want to untie you to feel your arms me.
Maybe tomorrow I'll finally decide to move out.
I need my freedom. I need to remember what that feels like.
Freedom.
Freedom from everything that matters to me now though.
We are the blind leading the blind on a confusing test filled with traps.
Statistically against us.
Reading a handbook written by actually no one.
Yet, again, this morning, I still love you like every day before.
I still don't know why.
But it's always been enough to try again.
Don't ask me why.
I don't think anyone really knows.

Today I called you and you answered,
Hi Daddy, I said.
We spoke for a bit
You gave me advice
Assured me of the impending rain
and we hung up.
I love you, I love you too.
A week goes by and I find a purpose to call you.
You answer as expected.You always do.
Hi Poppa,
But you sound distracted.
I make it quick,
I need something, more than likely, again.
You oblige. Of course.
I feel guilty.
I love you, I say. I love you too hunny.
Some time later I do it again, call you.
Again you oblige followed by my guilt.
I rack up a couple credit cards.
I crash a couple cars.
Maybe once I shoplift.
Or get stranded in Athens with no money.
I call you.
I call you.
I get married.
I start a family.
I inevitably grow up. Mature. Become responsible.
One day I ask my husband for something I want,
he says no.
Later that day I pick up the phone.
I call you.
You pick up, of course.
Hi daddy, I say.
Hi hunny, you always reply.
I need you again.