Je suis allée te voir un après-midi de Janvier, tu étais enterrée par la neige.
J'ai pris mon grand foulard et j'ai enveloppé ta petite pierre avec ton nom.
Alors je suis tombée dans la neige sous ta petite  pierre .
J'attendais que tu m'avales avec la neige sous moi,
Que tu m'emportes avec toi , peu importe où tu étais.......
Je voulais juste te voir les yeux plein d'amour.

Après quelques minutes seule dans la neige,
J'ai compris que tu n'étais pas là.
Comme d'habitude c'était suivi de tristesse et de colère parce que je suis encore perdue.
Je suis seule,
Tu m'as abandonnée,
J'ai besoin de toi, encore.
Mais pourquoi suis-je venue ici.......

Et soudain une légère brise me caresse le visage, une douce chaleur qui me fait pleurer.
J'entends un oiseau, seul, **** dans le bois en cet après-midi de Janvier....Seul comme moi.

Je me retourne, le dos dans la neige et je regarde là-haut le ciel bleu du mois de Janvier.
Un nuage blanc passe au dessus de moi, il me regarde, on se regarde
Soudainement une chaleur apaisante m'emporte et je comprends....
Tu ne m'attends pas ici, je suis venu vers ton nom sur cette pierre qui sera toujours ici...

Mais tu es tout ce qui m'inspire,
Le ciel, l'oiseau bleu qui chante seul, le petit ruisseau, le lever de soleil, la liberté dans les bois, notre chanson qui joue a la radio, la neige sous moi ce Mercredi en Janvier, le silence qui m'enveloppe, ma solitude...notre solitude.

Je me lève, j'embrasse ta  petite pierre avec ton nom et je continue ma vie sans toi . Tu me manque, Maman.

Keep your feet firmly grounded.
Firm.
Grounded.
Dont open any windows.
Its stale and functional enough to live.
Maintain. Be stable. Be fine.
But I opened the window one day cause I saw you on the other side.
The wind blew in, it was warm and revived me,
And we escaped away in it.
For a while we formed forces in this wind.
It twirled around us while we danced.
Something became.

Then this storm came in.
And the wind grew cold.
And I couldn't remember if there was any ground below me.
I panicked.
and lost you.

My windows are shut now again.
Maybe there will be a storm.
No. There will always be storms.
But a warm wind as bewildering as yours,
maybe never again.

Caring to a fault
Approaches life with doubt
Respectfully does what’s expected
Open to weirdness if no one is watching
Level headed but is bursting with fire
Yes I can attitude but doesn’t respond well to NO
Naturally nurturing by nature

Motivated by results
Inspired by knowledge that breeds change
Astoundingly empathic

Capable of anything
Restricts herself from achieving greatness
Instinctively embraces motherhood
Stands her ground
Tortures herself for no reason
Initiates connection and maintains relationships
Neglects herself for others
Always under appreciated yet so remarkable

Turns out I hate you sometimes.
Just the way you can ruin my day.
The way you affect me.
Every day when you pick me up from work.
Somedays while you rant I'm thinking about
this dead end were in and panic.
I want to open the car door and roll into a field
of grass where I meet a travelling circus.
I leave with them and change my name.
But most of time I take second when you don't notice
and try to see the man I love.
Most of time he's easy to find.
Other times he's been replaced by the other person
I married.
The one who makes me feel small yet up until a moment or
so ago, I felt empowered and accomplished.
I think about strapping you to wall to throw darts at you.
I then want to untie you to feel your arms me.
Maybe tomorrow I'll finally decide to move out.
I need my freedom. I need to remember what that feels like.
Freedom.
Freedom from everything that matters to me now though.
We are the blind leading the blind on a confusing test filled with traps.
Statistically against us.
Reading a handbook written by actually no one.
Yet, again, this morning, I still love you like every day before.
I still don't know why.
But it's always been enough to try again.
Don't ask me why.
I don't think anyone really knows.

Today I called you and you answered,
Hi Daddy, I said.
We spoke for a bit
You gave me advice
Assured me of the impending rain
and we hung up.
I love you, I love you too.
A week goes by and I find a purpose to call you.
You answer as expected.You always do.
Hi Poppa,
But you sound distracted.
I make it quick,
I need something, more than likely, again.
You oblige. Of course.
I feel guilty.
I love you, I say. I love you too hunny.
Some time later I do it again, call you.
Again you oblige followed by my guilt.
I rack up a couple credit cards.
I crash a couple cars.
Maybe once I shoplift.
Or get stranded in Athens with no money.
I call you.
I call you.
I get married.
I start a family.
I inevitably grow up. Mature. Become responsible.
One day I ask my husband for something I want,
he says no.
Later that day I pick up the phone.
I call you.
You pick up, of course.
Hi daddy, I say.
Hi hunny, you always reply.
I need you again.