I have been trying to get to you,
I have been trying to make sure I never lose you,
I have been trying to look for ways for you and I,
to see each other eye to eye,
but sadly these ocean currents we call problems see to not want me anywhere near to you.
I fear without you I’m forced to suffer through this torture called reality,
this war between my mind and heart it seems my sanity tends to always be the casualty.
As I drown in these shallow pools filled up with insecurities,
I always knew that you would jump in and save me.
One of my biggest fears is losing you,
because I’m at my most vulnerable when I’m not with you,
logic and reality seem like ****** cheap concepts created by a stingy Jew,
because without my Creativity nothing feels true.

Don’t you start
Don’t you start running down those hills like somebody is chasing you.
I get that leaving this empty place seems like the best idea and no one truly knows what you going through.
As you leave a trail of wet sorrows not caring who sees nor about tomorrow as you come close to the end of your journey what conclusion did you come to?
To stop and stare at the edge or fall straight off to your impending doom.
Tears please don’t start

Just keep on
Just keep on beating.
We do the same dance to the same rhythm and for some reason you seem to slow it down every time something sparks a feeling.
You should be drumming it at a normal pace and getting everybody moving but instead you make us stop for a second and get us thinking, crying, shouting, punching.
Basically, you making us go through emotions that our brain doesn’t feel the need for us to go through yet you decide “no, the brain ain’t making the right decisions”.
Your one job is not for us to feel emotions but instead to keep us moving.
Heart, why can’t you just keep beating?

Can I still call you father?
You’re a stereotypical black father, you forsaken us and expected us to show you respect that you never truly deserve which makes it a lot harder. I question everything I do because in the end I pray I’m not like you, which makes it funny because all my life I’ve been taught that I’m the spitting image of you, which makes me hate looking in the mirror because now all I imagine is you.
When we meet I’d love to ask you one question, why create me? I don’t know your plan but I understand that everything has a purpose but what I want to know is why create me then forsaken me? Why would you bless me with poor vision, a weak will, a fragile body, low self-esteem, single mother struggling to get by just so you could teach me a lesson about life? When in actual fact if you stayed and guided me like you did your famous son I too could have been great.

God, am I still able to call you father?

Can I still call you mother?
You gave birth to me, you nurtured me, you gave me everything I need to survive, yet I have forsaken you. You give me food and a place to live yet I still spit on you, I hurt you on a daily basis all in the pursuit of success, you give me precious gifts of life yet in return all I bring to you is death, Mother I see you bleeding and crying, and yet even though I see it, even though I know your dying,  I chase my selfish obsession of being a success.

Earth, do I still have the right to call you Mother?

I’m allowed to call you a ***** right?
We’ve been together for quite some time now, and honestly you’ve been truly mean to me, you made me question my entire identity, you drove me to the brink of insanity, you made me feel so fragile because I no longer feel the sense of invincibility, and all for what? Just so you can prove to yourself that you’re in control. I use to love you but now I loath you, I fear you, I can’t truly be me anymore because all of the **** you did to me, I blamed myself for when in actual fact it was all on you boo, honey I’ve come to realize, that you and I were meant be, mortal enemies,but I still love you for making me wake up to the fact that we were never meant be,together as one.

So in Life, I do have the right to call you a *****

I find myself staring at you,
I find myself wondering aimlessly from window to water thinking that I won’t see shades of blue,
I guess what they say is true; “out with the old and in with the new”,
but I truly dislike the new because it doesn’t feel like you,
but lately I sense you realizing that too.
I miss my old reflection

You have these deep shallow notions that plague your mind,
wondering if every little thing you see is god giving you some sort of divine sign,
yet you drown yourself with countless forms of procrastinations in order to get that one moment where your mind will tell you its time. You need to realize that you’re near the finish line.
I fear my new way of thought.

Do you suffer from lust or gluttony?
Do you swerve from lane to lane like a drunk driver rushing to the final destination carelessly?
Do you stare at the bottom of a bottle and wonder if this is could be my last?
Or do you drift through this ocean of life aimlessly?
I question my life

Will it be a conclusion like no other,
with a tragic plot twist like you telling me that you never considered me to be your lover,
or will be dramatic with me walking into the sunset,
with my heart yelling at my ribs “I thought your job was to keep me covered”.
I wonder why this started in the first place,
I always hated how we ended going in this quick pace,
my lungs are screaming at my brain “***** why we going so quick this ain’t even a ******* race”,
yet we so competitive in the end and we wouldn’t be satisfied till one of us won by coming first place.
Or maybe it was just us,
you and I didn’t realize that we turned this beautiful portrait carved by us into dust,
or maybe just maybe were a perfect sandwich yet we only manged to taste the crust,
but we were ******* by our fragile nervous tongues that we call trust,
its funny because we joined by our taste buds named lust