There’s something about being depressed that you can never wrap your head around. I just don’t understand my feelings ever, I can’t be happy for a genuine moment because I’m just always so sad and upset. Even when I should be happy or when I have no reasons to be upset, I’m still sad. I just can’t get out of this haze of being depressed, it’s killing me. Sleep is my only friend and even then i can’t sleep a lot and I have nightmares. Being okay is something I just can’t seem to be anymore. I just wanna disappear, not die just not be here. I couldn’t **** myself but maybe just being gone would be nice but to be gone I have to die but dying would upset people and I don’t wanna upset people. It’s like no matter what I do I can’t win, I can’t win. I worry people or upset them so I keep everything to myself because I’m scared for them to all know what’s going on in my head. My head is a war zone, I am constantly at battle with myself. My anxiety makes everything so hard and such a struggle and then my depression just gives the final blow. I will never win and that’s something that truly terrifies me. I feel like I will never truly be okay and maybe I won’t but, the feelings and thoughts are taking over and I can’t breath and can’t do anything about it, and it’s truly killing me. Maybe someday I’ll be okay but, that’s just a distant dream. Happiness is a distant cousin that hasn’t been to town in a long time and might not come back. While on the other hand, depression and anxiety are two constant friends that will never leave.

Depression is like being trapped in an endless loop
and no matter what you do, you can never escape it.
Like the world and everyone in it is against you and
they are trying their **** hardest to get you down.
You are broken
Destroyed
Messed up
Who wants to love a mess up
Who cares about a broken person
You don’t even care about yourself so
who else would
You can’t breathe, can’t move and it kills
everything about you
Life is a constant struggle between life
and death but with depression,
It seems like death is just the better option
To most people, depression is being sad or
having an “episode” which is far from the truth
Depression takes away your breath,
knocks you down and never lets you up
It hits and hits you till you can’t handle
anything anymore
You cant handle it
Or anything
It kills everything you have left inside
Your mind is your enemy and
you can’t even get out of bed anymore
You think you are just tired or school is getting harder
and you think the sad thoughts will go away
but they never do, they get louder and
become more often
The world hits you like a tsunomi and
you just can’t catch your breath  
Life wipes you and attacks you and
you think you can’t win
And maybe you can’t
Maybe you won’t win
But ******* it,
you can’t handle the thoughts
The thoughts you get are
what **** you emotionally the worst,
The thoughts
You arent good enough
You arent smart
Or pretty
Or worth it
The thoughts are what **** you
You arent worth it
Why are you alive
You shouldnt be alive
Just give up
Just let go
And when you do give up
, that destroys whatever sanity you had left
You don’t leave bed and when you do,
you arent yourself
You’re a broken you but no one seems to notice
Or care
Everything is different and you can’t handle that
Your life falls apart
But was it ever together
You arent happy, you struggle
You want help but cant ask and arent even sure
whats going on and it feels like you are ready to explode
Your thoughts are controlling you and your mind is the enemy
You arent worth it
You should be dead
Your whole world crashes down on
you as you believe the thoughts and they consume you
You are your thoughts and
It is all you know
The deadly thoughts attach to you
and you cant handle it anymore
The thoughts
You arent good enough
You arent smart
Or pretty
Or worth it
The thoughts are what **** you
You arent worth it
Why are you alive
You shouldnt be alive
Just give up
Just let go
But no one sees it
And no one helps you
Because depression is like that
It ruins you
It destroys the old you and
you dont think you will ever see that you again
And maybe you wont
Life crumbles apart
Slips away
But people notice
And you can get help
People always notice
They do care
Depression doesnt mean the end
It can be the beginning
People do care
They do notice
You will be you but
A better you
A stronger you
Cause you are loved
You are important and worth it
You might still have bad days
We all do
But they will get better
Maybe slowly but you will feel better
The thoughts get better
They arent as bad
You are important
You truly are
People love you
You are cared for
People love you
You are alive
And thats a great thing
Remember that