Relentlessly
The wind blows, whips, and howls
The rain pours and pounds
The lightning flashes and crashes
The thunder booms
Most nights this storm is for me
Reminiscent
Of the storm inside
My mind, my body, my soul
The wind to warn
The rain to cleanse
The lightning to shine
And the thunder to frighten
I am oddly at peace with this storm
Tonight
This storm is meant for another
The wind to breathe life
The rain to wash impurity
The lightning to reveal
And the thunder to jolt
Again
For me the wind a soft kiss
The rain a cool shower
The lightning a guiding light
The thunder a low rumble
Yet
For you the the wind steals your breath
The rain stings your face
The lightning blinds your sight
The thunder rattles your cage
Suddenly
It is over
The wind is distant
The rain is memory
The lightning is distant
The thunder is fading
Relentlessly
It calls upon the next
Another soul rejuvenated
Another mind convicted
Another spirit revealed
Another body seized
Relentlessly

Like a Siren’s song
Her voice called to me
Rekindling the flames
Of a past love
As her voice reverberates within my skull
I imagine abandoning all I have
Family, friends, career
To follow
Innocently it begins
Simply acknowledging the beauty of what I hear
Slowly it shifts
I could support her
Musically, of course
Creatively, perhaps
But my skill is not worthy of her voice
We could practice, together
I could learn to be better
For her
We could travel the world, together
She could make my dreams come true
And I hers
As if she needed anything from me
Inevitably, I would fall in love
With the music, with her
We would create beautifully
Things would end horribly
I would find myself alone
With no regret
But longing for the embrace
Of the wife and children I had left behind
To follow this Siren’s song

A vase of wilting roses
Once full of life
Bringing beauty to the room
A source of joy
For those that received them
And for all who would smell them
Or gaze upon them
It matters not how much
Nor how little
Water, sunlight, or care
They received
The wilting was inevitable

Why do we bother to give a gift
That will only grow uglier with time?
Why do we delight in beauty that fades
In only a few short days?

I see myself in these roses
Someday, too, I will wilt
My beauty will fade
Where I once brought joy
Eventually I will be thrown out
No matter how well I am cared for
How healthy I live
Someday it will all be stripped away

The greater the joy a flower brings
The harder it is to dispose of
Many a rose are kept well beyond
The peak of their beauty
For the memory they evoke
Let me evoke great memories
And I will be held well beyond
My wilted beauty

Why would it be bad
To have cake and also eat it?
Why is that a metaphor of greed?
What else should I do with cake?
It could be a piece of art
Something beautiful to behold
But it’s purpose is to be eaten
It’s cake

Yes, I would like my cake
And to eat it as well
I want to enjoy
The things I enjoy
Not simply to hold them in my hands
Stare at them upon a platter
Wonder what they taste like
I want to eat the cake
It was made for someone to eat
Why not me?

Too much cake
Will make me fat
The sugar and flour
Conspire together to build a gut
It is not healthy to eat cake daily
I cannot keep cake in the house
The temptation is too great
But everything in moderation
A piece of cake here and there
To be had and to be eaten
Is a nice treat

The daily grind of salads and chicken
Nuts and fish
Avocado and eggs and water
Will keep me healthy
Grounded
So when I feel like cake
I can have it

Order cake for dessert
Or to celebrate a birthday
An accomplishment
Or anniversary
No one bats an eye
But order cake for breakfast?
Might just incite a riot

There is a time and place for cake
Society has deemed it so
We are not the rulers of our own lives
(Though we could be)
Instead our culture dictates
The rules of life
Steak for breakfast or for dinner
But not lunch
Bread goes with every meal
Eggs and bacon are for the morning
But at night is a nice treat - on occasion
Beer after five
But it’s five o’clock somewhere

And somewhere
Someone is ready for dessert
So **** it
Let’s eat this cake
That I have procured
You and me, together
Let’s have our cake
And eat it too

It’s persistent, the voice in my head
The voice that tells me I’m no good
I may have kept it at bay for awhile
But now that I’m tired and stressed
Now that I feel like I’ve lost control of my life
It’s back

I am not a good husband
Not a good father
Not a good coach
Not a good friend
Not a good employee
Not a good son
Not a good writer
Not a good person

These are the words it wants me to believe
These are the feelings it evokes
These are what will ruin my day
If I pretend they aren’t there

The power is in the secrecy
If only I would keep these words hidden
Don’t let anyone know
The secret is the oxygen that fuels the fires
Of self doubt
The voice wants me to suffer alone
“No one can know” it tells me
“They won’t understand” it bellows
But these are lies

All have days like this
All have weeks and months
Littered with doubt and stress and fear
The truth is that we are not alone
Not in any of it
Those lies lose their power
In the presence of that truth

Share your fears
Acknowledge that they exist
Identify them by name
And you will learn that your mind
Plays sick jokes

I am a good husband
I am a good father
I am a good coach
I am a good friend
I am a good employee
I am a good son
I am a good writer
I am a good person

Even when I don’t feel it
These are the truth

Though our time has come and gone
Our moment together has passed
Still I remember you fondly

Though the good times are no more
And the catalogue of memories is complete
Still I remember you fondly

Even though I opened myself fully
And you seized the opportunity to hurt
Still I remember you fondly

The source of great joy
And cause of great despair
Still I remember you fondly

Despite my efforts to chase the past
You pretend that I never existed
Still I remember you fondly

You mean a lot to me
More than I ever did to you
And so I remember you fondly

A revolution inside my soul
Set aflame by your belief in me
So I remember you fondly

You encouraged me to feel fully again
Then plunged a sword into my tender heart
Still I remember you fondly

You were my best friend
And I was merely a game to you
Still I remember you fondly

I am not who I am today without you
The joy or the pain you brought
So I remember you fondly

I choose to build my life based on the lessons you taught
Not the cuts you gave
So I remember you fondly

Your touch is not foreign to me
I have known it many times
Mysterious the origin of it remains

I can sense your presence
Before even the physical touch
Today you are near

Will I feel your gentle caress along my cheeks?
Will I taste the sweet sweaty salt
That accompanies your touch?

Will I hurry to brush you aside?
Or will I linger in your presence?
Will I find comfort in your touch?

We spent many nights together
Intimately so
Simply for each other’s sake

I fell asleep in your embrace
Night after night after night
You were my safe haven

I pushed you away
Afraid of our connection
Of who I was becoming

I miss the times we had together
The long nights in your embrace
The knowledge that what I felt was real

Today I feel your presence
Behind my eyes, as you always begin
But will I feel your touch?