Water.
Low-calorie, no-calorie, sugar-free and…water.
I was never like the other girls. The beautiful, tall, and skinny girls I was not perfect
Instead I had the words ugly, worthless, fat, and unloved branded on my face
The words empty, broken, dumb, and unwanted covering my entire body
Skinny was never a word that described me
Until I stopped eating
Calories
200
400
600
800
I lost 5 pounds, then 10, then 20. Striving to be double digits and not triple.
Eating in front of a mirror.
Crying over a bathroom scale,
Cause i only felt pretty when i was hungry.
200
400
600
800
repeat
2, 4, 6, 8
To me, being perfect was more important of being healthy
It was a never ending cycle of "Will I eat today?"
I was trapped in the walls of my mind with the door wide open
Why didn't I just walk through the door?
In my mind
I couldn't fit
calories
2, 4, 6, 8
need to lose weight
2, 4, 6, 8
I lost all of my friends because instead of going out and enjoying life
I stayed home, adding all of the calories I had eaten that day
Instead I stayed home in fear of gaining weight from that one slice of pizza
keep going through the days
2, 4, 6, 8
My scale became my best friend
Watching that number go down was my fun on a Friday night
Drinking water on an empty stomach was my feeling of enjoyment
But no matter how low that number got it was never enough
It was never enough until I had finally collapsed
2, 2, 2, 2
fast
Female, 14 years of age, height 5"3, weight 65 pounds
I had done it
I was so skinny I was dying
I was dying because society told me that I wasn't good enough
I was dying because society told me that I wasn't pretty nor skinny enough
I was dying because I was afraid that one day people would see me
The way I saw myself
I fight all day and all night
this is your own fault
My body shows my battlewounds
Scars and bones and scratches
you did this to yourself
I need to eat
but you can't
It's just food
but it's not
My minds thin
but you're fat
This is breaking me
I'll fix it for you
I'm going too far
you're not far enough
I need to turn back
that's not an option
Release me
not happening
I've gone too far
push it a little further
My weight became the only thing I cared about
I was failing all of my classes becase the only numbers I cared about
Were the ones that would appear on my scale telling me how much more I needed to lose until,
I had nothing to lose
I didn't see a future
I had already lost my friends
My GPA
My family
And myself
All for what?
I lost everything to be like the other perfect girls The beautiful, tall, and skinny girls
0
Pill
Dead