In the midst of turmoil, I find solace in silence,
Battling against this unyielding pain, I strive to stay calm.
Dark clouds persistently shadow my path,
As the rain keeps pouring, unrelenting, never-ending.

Each thunderous boom resonates within my core,
Causing tremors of sadness, shaking me to my very soul.
A shiver runs through me, tears blending with rainwater,
Emotions quivering in my voice, struggling to keep pace.

My thoughts race, a tempest howling like the wind,
Twirling relentlessly, with no end in sight, no victory to claim.
Tears flow freely, blending with the storm's cascade,
Gazing out into the tempest, it echoes my perception of the world.

With each bright flash of lightning, a new perspective emerges,
And gradually, the thoughts begin to slow, like the breeze subsiding.
The thunder's roar diminishes to a low grumble,
And the scent of rain calms, soothing my senses.

I kneel upon the ground, finding peace within my mind,
A gentle wind brushes against my back, providing support.
Donning a mask upon my face, I prepare to return,
To a world that feels fractured and fragmented.

But I know, deep down, that storms eventually cease,
They run their course, and peace finds its way back to me.
So, with renewed strength and resilience, I face the turmoil,
Knowing that this too shall pass, and I will endure once more.

So I'm just living In place

Where I feel abandoned

So my brother and my sis

Well they left Me to reminess

An only child of three.  

Ya they said they wish they couldve taken me


But the sad truth Is that I was left to my self

This abandonment this pain was all for me

No outlet or shoulder to lean

A child filled with rage with  no real direction to place it.  

No understanding of why just this hate inside

So lost and  so confused

why did they leave me?

Was it me or my mother who took care of me.  

This evil person they fled the only one left to take care of me

I sit in silence.

where do i begin.

to explain the sadness hidden within.

I'm telling you my hearts filled with sorrow from the past I could not control, as a child not understanding the world.

so I've learned to cope and Ive hid the pain. but never with my head bowed in shame.

you see i wear a smile that seems to embrace this world.

all the while your never knowing whats behind the eyes of a saddened soul.

am I being punished for sins that where not my own.

or is it time to man up and accept that now I am grown. Is it now up to me to deal with these demons, fight through the struggle and conquer these feelings.

Ive always risen above this pain.

regrettably not in the most helpful way.

you see I turned to drugs to mask all the sorrow.

just to get me by to see tomorrow.

only to look around and find my self kneeling.

crying out to the world and asking it why.

why have you punished me?

is this all just a test?

im giving it my all and I'm trying my best.

this soul cant be broken youve already tried I'll never be ashamed of these choices Inside.

the funny thing is I would not have it any other way for all these moments have shaped me into the man that I am today.

so I sit in silence an internal war always waging.

the fact that all this pain inside is hidden behind a smile but it is taken in stride.

waiting for fate to change.

with new hope at the beginning of everyday.

to find the peace within myself and never forgetting. the path from the dark was always worth winning..

Written by
matthew paschall

The truth behind my rap
It's sad because my family and friends just don't understand

The every day battles that I face.

You see these minor inconveniences that drive you crazy mean nothing to me

A constant battle in my head.

but its the worse type of pain because I argue with my self and it drives me insane

A paranoid delusion I have to push the side to appear normal in this thing callef life.

The only time I'm able to truly speak is when I rhyme.

Im too embarrassed and distressed to say it normally otherwise.

The problem is.

twhen I speak it out rhythmically it comes out to Clean.

So people just can't understand my grief

It's like a thief that comes out and steals my soul

But all the while I wear a smile on my face that hides a broken soul.

Just begging and pleading that someone catches it.

But it's like the words are irrelevant

They just bop their head and nod to my melody

Bobing their heads to a melancholic tragedy

So silly of me of me to think people could grasp all these emotions and pains through a minute of rap

There is a thin line between reality and insanity.

But

what is normal?

Is normal just conformity to our daily lives?

We go about our lives working to make money.  

We pay our bills.

We save up

take vacation

and work for our retirement.

We hope to retire by age 65.

Meanwhile

we forget to live our lives.

So focused on the future that we forget our inner child who's dreaming of the stars.

It seems so far...

To many people saving their entire lives

getting too old and broken to chase their dreams otherwise

The trails and mountains will forever remain mysteries because my body is too old and broken to make it reality.

It's so sad we can't see our youth is wasted

We were meant to be young and make mistakes.

We were meant to live with our minds, always wondering

It's been destroyed by possessions. We are withholding

We have this world so backward.

Too bad money is in the way of us just being kids.

To bad what once was our imagination dies where our life begins.

P.s. drunken ramblings of a mad man

There is a thin line between reality and insanity.

But

what is normal?

Is normal just conformity to our daily lives?

We go about our lives working to make money.  

We pay our bills.

We save up

take vacation

and work for our retirement.

We hope to retire by age 65.

Meanwhile

we forget to live our lives.

So focused on the future that we forget our inner child who's dreaming of the stars.

To many people saving their entire lives

getting too old and broken to chase their dreams otherwise

The trails and mountains will forever remain mysteries because my body is too old and broken to make it reality.

It's so sad we can't see our youth is wasted

We were meant to be young and make mistakes.

We were meant to live with our minds, always wondering

It's been destroyed by possessions. We are holding

We have this world so backward.

Too bad money is in the way of us just being kids.

To bad what once was our imagination dies where our life begins.

P.s. drunken ramblings of a mad man

What does it mean to live in the moment?

My perspective.  

Past=depression  present=happiness  future=anxiety drugs=mask

First I think we have to start with the past. So let's look at what it means to dwell in the past.

The past...  

We dwell upon the things we cannot change.  We think back at all our past mistakes.  We find reasons to hate ourselves for past choices we have made.  Yet while we do this we dont realize that the past is the past  and we cannot change what has happened.  We can only change what we do in our present.  This is key.

The future.....

The other thing us as humans do,  is dwell to much into the future.  We worry about things that have not happened and may never happened.  

This is anxiety.  

Why do we put ourselves through this?  Our minds are racing about the infinite possibilities that may or may not happen.  All the while we dont realize if we just payed attention to the present, we would see how beautiful this world truly is.

The present.

Some say ignorance is bliss,  it's this very premise that brings a smile to ourselves.

It's only in the moment we make the memories that are held up to years of life.  

Our accomplishments,  our happiness, our pain.

Drugs.  

  This is where I feel drugs become a crutch that some people lean on to deal with depression and anxiety.  

Let's think about that for a moment.  A person who is struggling to deal with the past or the future may find themselves doing some type of drug.

But why is this?  My perspective is that when they are on drugs it's the only time they are truly living in the moment.  The present.  

You become focused on the feeling you get from drugs and alcohol and your past troubles fade away. Then Your future problems  drift by as you take ahold of the moment that your living.  The present.  

Its only after the drugs fade that the worries of tomorrow, coupled with regrets from the past, come back to haunt you.  

In order to enjoy your life, you dont need drugs...you dont need alcohol...you only need to embrace the space around you.  Look around, take it all in, and enjoy it.

Accept the things you cannot change and accept that we dont know what tomorrow may bring.  

Just enjoy the moment, embrace it, Love it andd set your soul free.

P.s. Drunken ramblings of a mad man