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Apr 2022 · 458
WRONG SIDE OF THE BED
the dirty poet Apr 2022
he woke up on the wrong side of the bed
every day of his life
Apr 2022 · 143
FRANKENSTEIN
the dirty poet Apr 2022
i’m frankenstein’s masterpiece
constructed from so many components
dad, husband, respiratory therapist
poet, filmmaker, musician, artist
applied physicist, philosopher
bike rider, weight lifter
coffee drinker, reader, television addict
taxpayer, consumer, sucker
emperor of my universe, peon
fearless, fearful, fatalistic
and i know a heap of ***** jokes
Apr 2022 · 100
CARTOONS
the dirty poet Apr 2022
when it comes to cartoons
you’re either a disney/mickey freak
or a warner brothers/bugs head
it’s a stones v. beatles thing
Mar 2022 · 89
PRAYER HIT PARADE
the dirty poet Mar 2022
do people need new prayers for inspiration?
or is it like classic rock--
the hoary old hits are the best?
might be more meaningful if we all
wrote something for ourselves
but it would have to be stupendous
i doubt we'd be up to it
it's like asking each of us
to compose our own bohemian rhapsody
Feb 2022 · 208
NO AUDIENCE
the dirty poet Feb 2022
an 80s tune with zippy synths and chirpy vocs
a song for happier times
you couldn’t sing a tune this bright now
there’s no audience for it
Jan 2022 · 105
(NOT) GOING SOUTH
the dirty poet Jan 2022
when i was a squirt
i hated winter
and swore that when i grew up
i'd move south
where they never heard of snow
but when i grew up
and saw who lived down south
i said **** it
i'd rather freeze my *** off
than hang with those people
and those people are probably just as glad
that i'm living in an igloo
Jan 2022 · 142
PSYCHO-LOGY
the dirty poet Jan 2022
i'm a genius
i'm a genius
i'm a genius
i'm a genius
i'm a genius
i'm a genius
i'm a genius
i'm a genius

hey, that guy's pretty smart

the election was rigged
the election was rigged
Jan 2022 · 57
CAN'T COMPLAIN
the dirty poet Jan 2022
can’t complain about my two days off
cold january winter but i biked through the city
drank wine at cappy’s
hit up the library
brought the soup tour to the african veldt
posted poems in a couple of neighborhoods
recorded foppish puppyism with a cosmic *****
shot a famous vid of me singing lynyrd skynyrd
wrote three poems of utter profundity
posted a tiktok art vid
saw the latest matrix
(most interesting thing about it
was which aspect ****** the worst)
worked out
hung with my bride
played with the cats
watched tv
ecstasy x 2
nope
can’t complain
Jan 2022 · 85
HERE'S PEE IN YOUR EYE
the dirty poet Jan 2022
we have 350 pounds of quivering repugnance
oozing out of a nightmare into bed 3
he's a nice guy but my god
drooling rivers of foul juice from nose and mouth
his tracheostomy spewing mucus into every corner of the room
one of the more gruesome patients you’ll ever treat
for someone not an amputee or gunshot to the face
the nurse rockets from the room
"I JUST GOT HIS *** IN MY EYE," she wails
"WHAT DO I DO?"
we shrug our shoulders
wash her eye out?   quit nursing?
and how did THAT happen?
she tears down the hall to the attending physician
who tries to talk her down
"he actually has the cleanest *** in the unit," says the doctor
"his labs show there’s very little growing in there"
hard to swallow when assessing fright night in bed 3
Jan 2022 · 68
A COVID TALE
the dirty poet Jan 2022
a covid patient arrests
unvaccinated
hovering between here and gone
leaning towards death
her daughter comes in the room as we’re scrambling
to keep her heart beating and oxygen saturation viable
"i know you guys are thinking she’s gonna die
we need her alive
we NEED you to believe that she’s going to live"
a sad rush of emotion
a vaccine might have been more effective
than my happy thoughts
but that’s how it works on my planet
on her planet, who knows?
Jan 2022 · 82
THE MUSE
the dirty poet Jan 2022
on a warm winter day
i was taping poems to a pole
outside a coffee shop at the edge of the city
as i got back on my bike
the barista sauntered out of the coffeeshop
with a cup and saucer
a panorama of undiluted allure
a storm of blonde hair
eyes from venus
smile like desert rain
she was, obviously, the muse
"hello darling" she said
and strolled to the pole to read my latest
the dirty poet Jan 2022
the bartender looked like bukowski’s mom
she served me another shot of tequila and said
"you better slow down, son
it’s bad for your health"

"i ain’t long for this world anyway"
i said, throwing it down

she snorted
"you’re the third kid who told me that tonight"

"hey, can i help it if everyone who dies young
comes to this bar?"
Dec 2021 · 121
TEXT FROM WORK
the dirty poet Dec 2021
hey hon
how’s your morning going?

this unit is like a disaster movie
2 brain deaths
2 self-inflicted gunshots to the head
2 covids (if only there were a vaccine—
oh ****, there is)
1 paraplegic
1 drunken assault
and a very ******* fellow
who was gored by a bull

let’s go out to eat tonight
Dec 2021 · 73
OPEN TO INPUT
the dirty poet Dec 2021
what we believe
and why we believe it
is a bowl of spaghetti
we're persuaded before we hear the issue
it's where you were hatched
who hatched you
and the other chickens in the coop
we'll believe the sky is green
if it's pinned to the top of the internet feed
to put it charitably
we're open to input
and it doesn't matter anyway
our decisions rarely coincide with our principles
we choose whatever door is nearest
and scoot on through
Dec 2021 · 70
TIME
the dirty poet Dec 2021
now everybody knows this
we experience time in a linear fashion
we’re on a track going in one direction
forward
behind us is our past
we can’t go there again
we can only look
"remembering"

but here’s the new stuff
the track is laid in an immense field
a lot of terrain
most of which we can never visit
the field is time in perpetuity
"the past" before the moments we lived
“the future" beyond the days we’ll reach
all in the field together

still though
it's an itch that can't be scratched
that time when i was young
strong, good-looking
happy and happening
is right over my shoulder
i can see it from here
but i can’t get there
Dec 2021 · 257
EXHAUSTION
the dirty poet Dec 2021
sometimes your brain just gives out
like any other exhausted muscle
you get a neurological flat tire
Dec 2021 · 293
HAPPY
the dirty poet Dec 2021
last night my wife jabbed me in the ribs
to stop my snoring
i woke up and listened to her
snore up a hurricane
that’s a happy marriage
Dec 2021 · 149
THE WORLD WE BUILT
the dirty poet Dec 2021
when she’s being a mindblowing mess
and moans "how do you put up with me?"
i say because i love you
we have built a world together
we live in it
and that’s how it works
Dec 2021 · 802
NEW MEDICAL TERMINOLOGY
the dirty poet Dec 2021
necrotizing fasciitis
the fat man’s cancer
Nov 2021 · 396
BED 7
the dirty poet Nov 2021
he got a motorcycle for his birthday
got some whiskey too
he didn't get a helmet though
Nov 2021 · 84
MERCE CUNNINGHAM
the dirty poet Nov 2021
i'm going to pretend i'm merce cunningham
on my bike ride home from work
hope it's survivable
the dirty poet Nov 2021
a lifetime bouncing on the high seas of tito’s *****
you’re either dunked like a fatal donut in the acrid waves
or wind up washed up on the shores of sobriety
Oct 2021 · 909
UP YOURS!
the dirty poet Oct 2021
“up yours!” is such a great phrase
brings me right back to the 70s
Oct 2021 · 537
WHY? (for ruth)
the dirty poet Oct 2021
i look in the mirror
and see myself at 25
why don’t photos
work the same way?
Oct 2021 · 73
FAILURE
the dirty poet Oct 2021
i am so used to failure
that it’s home sweet home
a smelly railroad apartment
i’d get lost in a mansion
it's comfortable funky shoes
i couldn’t walk a block in stiff pricey leather
success would be an unwelcome interloper
knock knock
who’s there?
success
take a ******* walk
Oct 2021 · 84
WHIMSY
the dirty poet Oct 2021
barney chose his footsteps
whimsically
no deliberation
no destination
whimsy was his map and strategy
all night and day

"what’s happening, barney?"
"harpsichords, baby"
"what’s on the agenda?"
"pastrami and democracy"

and when barney picnicked in the park at 3 a.m.
and heard "give me your money, ******"
barney laughed a great laugh
and collapsed spreadeagle on the grass
the perplexed mugger straddled him
delivered a bemused punch to the jaw
and rummaged through barney’s every pocket
to find only pistachio nuts
Sep 2021 · 255
GOOD AND EVIL
the dirty poet Sep 2021
everything is a battle
between good and evil
loosely defined
which is a problem
every impulse is between life (good)
and death (bad)
which already pulls you into grey
because life for you
is death for a chicken wing
Sep 2021 · 98
GRIEF
the dirty poet Sep 2021
so much joy with mom & dad, grandma & grandpa
my little cats spikey, spooky and pep
but the memories are tinged with grief
my delight has a halo of melancholy
so much love but i miss them all
i grieve at their absence
it’s a heavy thing

i don’t feel that way with michael, jack, al, the duke
it’s light, it’s buoyant, jubilant
they’re gone but they gave me stuff i still enjoy free of charge
i smile when i listen to the band dada which jack turned me onto
i laugh at all his whining, which was his way of processing life
and the duke trying to beat me up over cindy
the bartender throwing us both out
another night when he jumped on stage at cbgb’s
to purloin the mike from jeffrey lee pierce
making showbiz history
then there’s al’s consoling wisdom
when the old trache patient croaked in front of me at midnight
a shocking horror show and i still had rounds to finish
al simply said "this’ll happen again
you’ll be alone at the end of a dark hall and a patient will crump"
which did come to pass (alright, not such a merry memory)
but he framed it in a way that made it possible to cope
and michael, my long-haired james dean socrates
he was so cool he made a *** belly look tough
three years older, orchestrating the coolest moments of my youth
presenting me with smoking, music, ***, girls
taking on the creepy priest who scared the **** out of me
when he told me i’d go to hell for being jewish
michael jumping in for my defense, bold and brilliant
at age 12 getting in the clergyman’s face
"how do you know he’s not going to a jewish heaven?"

no grief for these guys, just a lifetime of laughs and inspiration
Sep 2021 · 58
REDEMPTION
the dirty poet Sep 2021
i was a vegetarian for a short time
smoked a joint and watched a documentary
about the factory farming of animals
when i saw them snip off the faces
of a box of baby chickens
so they could be stacked up
without pecking each other to death
i said to my wife "that it’s, we’re done"
we gave it up after a couple of years
i feel bad for eating meat but i just can’t stop
however
i figured out a way to pay for this transgression
a strategy to balance the karmic score
when i’m ready i will slither into a lion’s cage
and let him feast on my carcass
it’s what i deserve for all those chicken wings
Sep 2021 · 271
BRAIN LEVEL
the dirty poet Sep 2021
i interrupted my routine
brain level 1 said "something’s wrong"
it look a minute for brain level 2 to compute
"you interrupted the routine"
Aug 2021 · 874
BABY
the dirty poet Aug 2021
you can appreciate what you have
or weep for what you lack
you don't have much choice
you might weigh the balance intellectually
but emotions bear no calculation
emotions are a crying baby
Aug 2021 · 200
BITE THE BULLET
the dirty poet Aug 2021
i say bite the bullet
appropriate the money
from the ten richest americans
give them all mustangs
and say thanks
no more poor people
we could all afford breakfast
Aug 2021 · 82
NIGHT TO HOWL
the dirty poet Aug 2021
"tonight’s my night to howl"

oh well
once voiced
the intention is a dud
only frat boys and sick puppies
can deliver on that promise
Aug 2021 · 95
#1 DAD
the dirty poet Aug 2021
it’s father’s day and everybody has one
even if you can’t put your finger on him
we have a tradition in our house
on father’s day i ditch the kids
and if i want a white russian
that could happen
and if i want to dig a tinkling
percussionist from new york city
that’s up to me
because it’s father’s day
and i’m the #1 dad
Aug 2021 · 467
BIRTHDAY PRESENT
the dirty poet Aug 2021
as i told my kids all their lives
there are only two ages
living and dead
everything else is a construct
and death might be one too
Aug 2021 · 141
DAREDEVIL
the dirty poet Aug 2021
what did i learn working at the hospital today?
don't do a headstand on a motorcycle
but don't worry
the daredevil kid who taught me this
will never do it again
Aug 2021 · 153
EMPLOYMENT
the dirty poet Aug 2021
you know
maybe jobs are SUPPOSED to drive you insane
the more i consider it
the more plausible it seems
what job DOESN'T drive you nuts?
maybe “employment” was designed
to wreck your mind
the overlords’ secret agenda
Jul 2021 · 67
ERASURE
the dirty poet Jul 2021
next time you drunkenly bring up suicide
“you guys are better off without me”
i will once again drill it in your soggy noggin
we are NOT better off without you
if you die, much of us dies too
you will ******* me
you will ******* your son
you will ******* your daughter
and all the good things you have done
will be erased
Jul 2021 · 532
DITHER DATHER
the dirty poet Jul 2021
the doctors dithered for days
whether to amputate the patient’s leg
it was a bone of contention
Jul 2021 · 217
SKUNK GOTTA SKUNK
the dirty poet Jul 2021
stupendous new band name!
Jul 2021 · 242
HAPPY WIFE
the dirty poet Jul 2021
happy wife, happy life
and even though there’s no such thing
as a happy wife—
most likely she’s married to a man—
it doesn’t hurt to aim high
Jul 2021 · 332
CRITICISM
the dirty poet Jul 2021
1.
when you're a few pages into a novel
you might decide--
is this the world i want to live in
for a week?

2.
useful or useless?
pertinent criticism
for any work of art
Jul 2021 · 116
4TH OF JULY POSTCARD
the dirty poet Jul 2021
greetings from the neurotrauma ICU

BED 1
morbidly obese female arrest
brain death protocol tomorrow

BED 2
drugged out assault victim
intubated for combativeness
to get the breathing tube in his mouth
we had to pry a bag of *******
out of his mouth

BED 3
21 year old arrest
80 pounds, looks like spinabifuda
claw hands, twisted feet
but no
autistic but no birth defects
just starved to death
by his caretaker brother

BED 5
50 year old woman
potential locked-in syndrome
cause unknown
possible she sees and hears everything
but completely unresponsive
can’t even blink an eye
to signal i’m here

BED 6
51 year old CORE patient
2 day protocol
for ***** donation

BED 7
biker crash
seemed ok until his MRI
revealed a spine so compressed
he spent 10 hours in the OR

BED 9
30 year old car crash
trached, quadrapalegic
buckets of secretions
chugging a wide-eyed
40 breaths a minute

BED 10
man fell out of a tree
huffing cleaning spray
we found a **** ring in the trauma bay
and upon intubation
his ******* fell out
Jun 2021 · 93
FOREVER
the dirty poet Jun 2021
here’s the brilliance of Starbucks—
when people order fancyass drinks
they get shunted off to purgatory
to wait forever for their ludicrous concoctions
while i get my simple coffee right away
Jun 2021 · 690
THE CHASE
the dirty poet Jun 2021
when it comes to playing music
i’m not chasing the dream
the dream is chasing me
May 2021 · 109
MOODY
the dirty poet May 2021
i checked
with my fellow medical professionals
and we all agree
patients who’ve been shot—
even when it’s much after the fact—
they’re always cranky
May 2021 · 131
TALENT
the dirty poet May 2021
it's my only talent
i know where to dig for the gold
and my gold is a renewable resource
music with momentum
harmonies that levitate
meaning where there is none
motivation in a vacuum
women who steal your breath with a glance
Apr 2021 · 739
IS
the dirty poet Apr 2021
IS
is gravity good or bad?
doesn’t apply
gravity just is
the rich get whatever they want
is that right or wrong?
maybe
or maybe it just is
Apr 2021 · 109
JUSTICE
the dirty poet Apr 2021
there is no justice in this world
not in nature’s rules, nor human
the cosmos is a cockeyed moral labyrinth
if you want justice
you must apply it yourself
according to your own standards
and your best abilities
don’t expect to receive it in turn
not even on christmas morning
santa has other priorities
Apr 2021 · 351
TRAPPED
the dirty poet Apr 2021
trapped
oh yeah
no denying
trapped in the straps of my bicycle helmet
trapped in the laces of my boots
in my predawn shredded wheat
my toothbrush, razor and scary mirror
the purring fur of my cats
there's no gun to my head
but i'm obligated
to plod in my own deep tracks
i'm happy to be trapped, i guess
but i need to be reminded
of my vast satisfaction
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