last day before vacation
so you know you gotta pay
an hour left on my shift
the patient was going full linda blair
arched pelvis grinding out of the bed
trying to pummel one and all
but when i came in the room
i triggered something special
YOU ****
i thought her head was gonna spin completely around
she punched me
people straining to hold her back
as she desperately snapped, trying to get a bite of me
GET OUT
GET THE **** OUT OF THE ROOM
as i got the **** out of the room
i explained to the nurses and doctors
i often have this effect on women

vacation
out of sight, out of my mind
when i return after a week off
and i enter the hospital where i work
i say oh yeah, this

i was chaining up my bike
when the woman approached

"excuse me, i don’t need food or money
do you have good eyes?"

"depends
what are we trying to see?"

"i dropped a bag of money down here
do you see it anywhere?"

"THAT i would see
and i don’t see it"

"oh dear
well i do need food and money"

"and when you find that bag
you’ll be all set
have a nice day"

eventually
all boats spring a leak
and every ship goes down
the ultimate port for each vessel
is the bottom of the sea

my friend dan, a rare and refined writer
came to pittsburgh for a poetry forum

in hopes of making a splash
he decided to bake a chicken
and bring it to the event
unfortunately he chose a kitchen
in ohio

i never got a piece

zombie apocalypse
what better way to process
all these brain dead monsters
murdering total strangers
and third graders
with their advanced weaponry
you can’t go to the supermarket
without fearing you’ll be assassinated
by the walking dead

all these people are trapped on the A train
they look half dead
maybe from the jobs they came from
or the subway
or the lives they’re heading home to
trapped head to toenail
but like all animals in captivity
open the cage door
pull them out
and they’ll hop right back in the cage
and call themselves happy