i am so used to failure
that it’s home sweet home
a smelly railroad apartment
i’d get lost in a mansion
it's comfortable funky shoes
i couldn’t walk a block in stiff pricey leather
success would be an unwelcome interloper
knock knock
who’s there?
success
take a ******* walk

barney chose his footsteps
whimsically
no deliberation
no destination
whimsy was his map and strategy
all night and day

"what’s happening, barney?"
"harpsichords, baby"
"what’s on the agenda?"
"pastrami and democracy"

and when barney picnicked in the park at 3 a.m.
and heard "give me your money, ******"
barney laughed a great laugh
and collapsed spreadeagle on the grass
the perplexed mugger straddled him
delivered a bemused punch to the jaw
and rummaged through barney’s every pocket
to find only pistachio nuts

everything is a battle
between good and evil
loosely defined
which is a problem
every impulse is between life (good)
and death (bad)
which already pulls you into grey
because life for you
is death for a chicken wing

so much joy with mom & dad, grandma & grandpa
my little cats spikey, spooky and pep
but the memories are tinged with grief
my delight has a halo of melancholy
so much love but i miss them all
i grieve at their absence
it’s a heavy thing

i don’t feel that way with michael, jack, al, the duke
it’s light, it’s buoyant, jubilant
they’re gone but they gave me stuff i still enjoy free of charge
i smile when i listen to the band dada which jack turned me onto
i laugh at all his whining, which was his way of processing life
and the duke trying to beat me up over cindy
the bartender throwing us both out
another night when he jumped on stage at cbgb’s
to purloin the mike from jeffrey lee pierce
making showbiz history
then there’s al’s consoling wisdom
when the old trache patient croaked in front of me at midnight
a shocking horror show and i still had rounds to finish
al simply said "this’ll happen again
you’ll be alone at the end of a dark hall and a patient will crump"
which did come to pass (alright, not such a merry memory)
but he framed it in a way that made it possible to cope
and michael, my long-haired james dean socrates
he was so cool he made a *** belly look tough
three years older, orchestrating the coolest moments of my youth
presenting me with smoking, music, ***, girls
taking on the creepy priest who scared the **** out of me
when he told me i’d go to hell for being jewish
michael jumping in for my defense, bold and brilliant
at age 12 getting in the clergyman’s face
"how do you know he’s not going to a jewish heaven?"

no grief for these guys, just a lifetime of laughs and inspiration

i was a vegetarian for a short time
smoked a joint and watched a documentary
about the factory farming of animals
when i saw them snip off the faces
of a box of baby chickens
so they could be stacked up
without pecking each other to death
i said to my wife "that it’s, we’re done"
we gave it up after a couple of years
i feel bad for eating meat but i just can’t stop
however
i figured out a way to pay for this transgression
a strategy to balance the karmic score
when i’m ready i will slither into a lion’s cage
and let him feast on my carcass
it’s what i deserve for all those chicken wings

i interrupted my routine
brain level 1 said "something’s wrong"
it look a minute for brain level 2 to compute
"you interrupted the routine"

you can appreciate what you have
or weep for what you lack
you don't have much choice
you might weigh the balance intellectually
but emotions bear no calculation
emotions are a crying baby