i don't wanna go in the room
according to his chart
the patient got in a car with a bunch of his friends
only to realize he didn't know any of them
they molested him and tossed him out of the car
and when he got to the hospital
he was molested again the emergency room
that's what it says in his chart
i don't wanna go in the room
because when i get out of the room
i may be part of his epic saga

my neighbor keeps her bicycle chained outside year round
that was MY plan when i moved in here
i see her bike in the rain, i see it in a blizzard
rusting, sneezing, freezing, wheezing
i chuckle every day at its deterioration
i didn’t do the stupid thing, by accident
on a whim, i made the wise decision
and every day i’m a smug ******* enjoying it

you’re confronted by a special kind of stupid
when conversing with an idiot who’s so **** sure
he’s so **** smart

as these things go, it’s a happy ending
he tried shooting his girlfriend in the face
the gun jammed so he turned it around
aimed it under his chin and pulled the trigger
surprise -- it unjammed
the bullet tore through the mouth
and exited the left eye, missing the brain entirely
and even though he arrested thrice
before we got a breathing tube in
a week later we’re shuffling him out of intensive care
"hey look, Sure Shot’s leaving," i say to my partner jeff
to which he responds, "you mean Old Dead Eye?"

put on the radio
let’s adore the latest sad fantasy
they’re selling us

kids don't believe what they're taught
they reject everything
as they should
because everything is wrong
there's no justice
except random justice
so spit out this world
until you can't spit anymore
then you have to swallow
and that's what you're made of

old age is a cul de sac
you can rev your engine
but you ain’t going nowhere
except the junkyard
ha!