Before you date me

You need to understand that I'm damaged. I get triggered easily. I have struggled with things. There are nights when I'm curled up on a ball on the floor and I won't talk to anyone. I'll shut you out. I'm not going to be able to trust you for a while because everyone has always left, cheated, or chosen someone else. I need reassurance. I will need you. I will need you to keep choosing me, I'll need you to care when I text you saying I'm getting bad again. I;m a lot, I know this.

So before you think I'm always happy, that I'll always be positive, that I'll always be smiling - know the reality before you get involved. Don't enter my life if you can't handle it. Lastly, don't you dare touch my heart if you aren't ready for that.

I'm very ugly
So don't try to convince me that
I am very beautiful person
Because at the end of the day
I hate myself in every single way
And I'm not going to lie to myself by saying
There is beauty inside me of that matters
So rest assured I will remind myself
That I am a worthless,  terrible person
And nothing you say will make me believe
I still deserve love
Because no matter what
I am not good enough to be loved
And I am in no position to believe that
Beauty doesn't exist within me
Because whenever I look in the mirror I always think
Am I as ugly as people say?

(NOW READ FROM BOTTOM UP)

Puppy Love is consisting of two word, nine letters and three syllables that once hurt me
But then I met you
Everytime I see you, my eyes shines
And whenever I see you with other girls
My blood rise.
I'm getting jealous, jealous in the way that
I wish, I was in that girl's position.
Carrying her bags, carrying her stuffs
Giving her water, giving her foods
Fulfilling her with your love
I know that now I'm not in the position
I'm wishing for,
Because I'm the one who gave up
I'm the one who surrendered
Do you wanna know why?
"Because love is not only to fight but also to surrender"
I know you are a sweat person
And I personally experienced that
When we are both good toghether
And time passed day by day
Your love fadeads
Sweetness, Pampering, and Carrying
All of those just vanished, in just a blink of my eyes
I'm now just pretending that it doesn't hurt
But it hurts so.
I wanted to scream all those
But where?
Where to go?
I felt discriminated by you, everytime
And I just wished that I have never met you
But then that changes,
As time flies so fast
As everything changes
I've learned and I've appreciated that
It's not the real love I was thinking, all this time
Because I've learned that sometimes,
People don't just come into our lives just to spread love
But the real thing is, some just came
To teach us lessons
And learn how to stand still
And how to stay strong.

It's really ironic how love affect our daily lives
With just a blink of an eye everything might change
A love is a love, life is a life but why do this love tend to break this life

Feeling you are like a treasure that he don't want you to disappear is the best feeling above at all
But how long it takes?
How long love will remains?

Everything might change
Everything has the tendency to change
The whole series of events seemed like a movie
He lifted you up, made you feel things you never thought possible
It felt so real and everything is promising

But the lesson here is that,
No matter how promising something may seem
You are never going to win
Because there is always and end, even the world had the finished line

Regret will always be in the end, life has an end
Appreciate everything
Because you don't know,
How long it takes and
How long it stays.

My body, my soul,and my heart aches and it feels like somebody arched it with an arrow
I'm trying to be strong enough to pretend that it doesn't hurt, but it hurts so.
I had my tears running down to my face,
And I didn't even care.
Because I know no one would never ever gonna understand what's wrong with me
But I was still hoping for someone to wipe my tears away and cares
for my cheeks
Waiting for that days turned into several weeks
Then turned into my own miseries.
As the breeze of the winds hit my face
I knew that I could still control the struck of the clock
And change all those miseries
Into my own good memories.