we played parchissi, grandma and I
the race was on to get home first
we never kept track of who won more
it was ocassionally the same
her eyes were light grey and saw the world
with all its bratty twerps therein
and yes, I'm from that happy gang
I'm sure she knew...yeah, pretty sure.

she cared for birds, plants, and small things
and she would cook for me most days
she hardly smiled, didn't hug me much
but the weekly allowance she gave was great
when her blood pressure wasn't soaring
we'd walk to church and she would pray
I'd stand at attention  thère somehow
but irreverent anyway
once she tried to teach me how
to not fall far from grace
but in all my numbskull glory,
that lesson' was a waste

then her day came, she passed on
I felt sick inside
I was grossed out at myself
and yeah sure I knew why
with mixed up and cold indifference
I treated her in life
lack of gratitude I'm thinking
gets us all the time

When I see her up in heaven
it's my turn to cook
fried eggs and big golden plantains
she'll have a proud look
we'll discuss it all and bygones
will all turn to wind
some nights we will play parchissi
and not keep track of wins.

I'm selling papers by the river for a nickel.
Shining shoes by the courthouse for a dime.
I'm pushing carts at Maria's Market for a quarter.
And no one knows my name, it's only mine.

I empty garbage cans filled up with once-important things.
And think that menial labor will be but a while.
But then the taunting and the laugh track starts within me.
"There's no rewarding job for you to do my child."

So keep on slaving away
tomorrow and today.
It is God's design, who cares if it is crazy?
The greener grass is still
on someone else's hill,
and you'll never pitch your tent there if you're lazy.

I've got half a mind to turn into some criminal,
and rob every bank in town one afternoon.
If I am caught I'm sure that justice would be fatal.
It would not spare this poor boy from certain doom.

But if I get away..., oh if I get away;
can you imagine just how far I'd go?
I'd find a lady fair, drive Cadillacs, and wear
only the finest in designer clothes.

But I keep slaving away
tomorrow and today.
It's the universe's joke to keep me broken.
The rich man's sweetest wine,
I never taste I find,
when I go to fill my cup I'm short a token.

Grey cat beams brightly,
his claws are out
black birds don't notice
the beast is around
then sensing danger,
they fly heading south
save for a little one,
weighing not an ounce

The sky above's painted
in pictures by clouds
so white and so fluffy
not weighing an ounce
until black birds fill them
with tears to come down
on top of the head
of the one who did pounce

What's my story, is it only
self-contrived, confused, or jinxed
sordid, boring, old man snoring
never knowing where he fits ?

I am lost at rainbow's end here
trying to channel Presley s ghost
hips he shook and all the girls swooned
he's the one they wanted most

But I cannot dance so freely
and I do not have the looks
to make them all want to know me
write my name down in their books

sold a lie and yeah, I bought it
I just wanted to believe
happiness is being applauded
Vanity of vanities

For the time and strength I wasted
cold regret now grips and shakes me
all the while I couldn't see
just myself is all I'd be

Door is open, time to step out
see what real life's all about
Forget dead dreams and their fictions
for my vision they did cloud

Now I don't seek fame or fortune
nor things far too grand for me
only love can fix distortions
in my personality

Gotta find that certain someone
who will make me feel alive
Oh that's right, there's no such person
in this birdcage full of beehives
silly me dreaming of true love
love's a chemical response
that kicks into overdrive
when some cute girl walks on by

History  is a  reminder
of the processes of life
God made man a social creature
but that creature lost its mind
when he  chose to dwell in darkness
and forgot all plans divine
snakes and angels fuelled his madness
strange cave paintings showed in time

Fish in rivers, bears in mountains
prey and predator alike
both became food for the wanton,
savage hunger of his crimes
Til the last known wishing fountain
swallows up its final coins,
this world shall ever be haunted
by the offspring of his *****

I killed a demon with a drumstick
drove it through his eye
I rat-tat-tat the snare all day
and he did march in time
the black six-string, his only friend
upon his crooked back
and every time he's strummed since then
it just seems weak and slack

no one applauds, they turn away
his fury is offense
he doesn't mind offending though
folks have no common sense
the limelight idiotic glory
is all he does crave
but now he rots anonymous
one long, sad tune he plays

Last night I had a dream
that a signal was beamed
from a satellite hovering in space
and the news was received
with joy and it was deemed
to be profitable to our race
the transmission relayed
altered everyone's brains
by suppressing all angry emotions
so the wars finally ceased
now mankind was at peace
free to offer their love and devotion
to their god in the sky
that had saved all their lives
technological wonderful master
but like miracle cures
that are not really pure
it soon met with such utter disaster
'*** the signal did crash
when an asteroid smashed,
the satellite obliterated
the great helper at last
was dethroned and outclassed
and the hope of the nations all faded
all the feelings of hatred,
the turmoil, and spite
that had been pushed down quickly resurfaced
with such terrible force
that the next day of course
every nuclear bomb served it's purpose

I am simply broken
only now can I get better
I'm not sure yet if I may
but if all goes well, I might

I'm the fragment of a stranger
gazing in the mirror, saying,
"I'm not him, he's not me"
The reflection is a lie."

For the nose is slightly off
to the left or to the right
and the eyes they seem less green
with a little less of light

All these fingers that are pointed
at the glass just aren't mine
"I'm not him, he's not me.
There is no one here tonight."

And the mouth is forming words
but the ears have never heard
'*** an isolated soul
from self-listening's deterred

Mind encased in solid ice
no reality to find
and I'll shave tomorrow morning
if this beard is really mine

Please go on ahead of me
come back, tell me what you see
if a better land you find
there we'll take our family

But if all found is smoke and ash
don't linger there, hasten to dash
back to home and country dear
our kids would like it better here

When you've gone beyond those hills
far from these fields of our birth
keep silent, be very still
violent men roam this fair Earth

They'd not hesitate to ****,
rob, or beat you for a thrill
God protect and guide you true
save you from the things they do

That day when good news arrives
heralding your fruitful find
it is then we'll relocate
to that distant, better place

I'll pray each and every night
for your safe return, my dear
but should you forfeit your life
our kids will like it better here

Search for the light
that can only be your star
search for the knowledge
only wisdom imparts
search for the visions
hidden deep inside your heart
seek ye the kingdom
it isn't far

Search for solutions
to the problems that appear
don't bother trying
to solve riddles of fear
take comfort knowing
that although this world shall pass
that gift of heaven
is yours if you ask

I'm ready to depart for greener pastures
I'm all choked up by thoughts of leaving you
but honey, my life's story's no disaster
my hopes of paradise are coming true

One final farewell kiss my dearest darling
is my last wish before I step on through
that cold and painful doorway of my parting
for my rent earthly tent no more will do

I guess I'll see you later on my love
when time is gone forever and no longer interrupts
our dreams and how we make them real, forever in our hearts
I guess I'll see you later on my love

What's that I'm hearing now my sweetest angel?
above and far beyond there's love enthroned
you press your head against my chest, I exhale
release the ghost to find my savior's home

I know sometimes you'll mourn me in my passing
and grief will sure assail you with its tears
you'll cry awhile but I know love that lastly,
you'll be with me again so don't you fear

I know I'll see you later on, I promise
to walk those golden streets, your hand in mine
it will eternally then be a party
I'll see you later on when you arrive

Doctor I'm troubled, my girl left me blue
She packed up her things and left for Timbuktu
With my way of living, she doesn't approve
I guess that in sickness or health just won't do

I can't say I blame her though, I love her so
She never could stand all the ways I didn't grow
Grow up out of childhood and out of old clothes
Grow up to be someone she'd forever hold

She once was a free spirit, freer than I
this fact she'd remind me each day and each night
Her mind was amazing ,inquisitive, bright
We made love at midnight and leave on the lights

But time made her sour, and time made her cold
Though I was still child-like and tied to her soul
She ended out marriage the best way she could
She went and got pregnant by some other dude

So please do take pity and help me old friend
This isn't your typical crisis again
Prescribe something strong, for my life I will end
Since this broken heart of mine never will memd

In public she'd walk, only doing her worst
people cracked jokes, I repaired her thirst
but she'd get kicked out, for there was little doubt
she was some sort of witch whom herself had been cursed

her face was a mess, painted fiery red
she was haggard and wasted, seemingly dead
I wondered what tragedy had made her that way
when she told me I'd best watch my head

from that tired place I did take my leave
the three years I'd been there held little for me
most days I would finish my shift feeling grieved
by the ominous words that she spoke to me

Shirley, you strange soul, your darkness was deep
your shadow was the only friend that you'd keep
I wonder what mad tales about you were spun
from your own reflection in mirrors you'd run

There's not a cloud in the sky today
look upwards if you may
though your eyes only see halfway
try imagining heaven
whisper a prayer for all you do
for what you don't know or think untrue
it stands to reason that the angels are blue
from what's above us, that's a given

All of the sadness that pierces your heart
sooner or later will help you to part
with comfortable things that only enslave you
and keep you from the divine
the gladness you seek will come raining down
it will pour out from the crown
of the one God eternal
who created you to shine

The vast expanse of air declares
the infinite love that we'll share
in storied clouds that swirling form
or lightning as it tears
in crimson sun displays at dusk
on brightest stars that shine each night
we only see heaven halfway
but I trust we'll be alright

All of the madness that weighs on my heart
sooner or later must help me to part
with all of those things that damage my spirit
and keep me from being free
the gladness I seek will come raining down
it will pour out from the crown
of the one true God above
who loves us  eternally.

'You need not trouble yourself anymore,
our daughter is dead not asleep.
I'm sorry You came at such a late hour,
and for all the people who scream
Insults at your name, oh Lord,
doubting that You love them so.
But we are shutting our doors to mourn.
There's nothing more to do.'

'Fear not, have faith, and you will see
the mighty power of God.
I say to you oh little girl,
it's time to rise, wake up.
Hold your child madam and sir.
Give her something to eat.
Don't ever dread death's curse, my friends.
It's just a little sleep.'

Smoke and ash, your soul is gone.
Your last days here are far too long.
You're sick, you cry, you pray to die.
When shadows fall, go greet the sky.

A world of shame covers our names
when all things sacred are profaned.
Perhaps because they're not explained
in simple terms to cure our pain.

May God forgive what we don't know
having to do with self control.
May he bring peace we've not yet found
and help us lay our weapons down.

Smoke and ash, our souls are gone.
There's nothing innocent we've done.
I've torn through you, you've torn through me.
We've done it hypocritically.

With friendship's laughter in the day
and anguished frowns on bitter nights,
we drank the cup of poisoned wine
and then complained when we went blind.

When for a moment we've relaxed
enough to let our guard fall down,
we've learned the Earth is angry flat,
we've plunged knives in each other's backs.

Smoke and ash, we're smoke and ash.
Silently we'll sleep at last.
No more to gain, no more to lack.
Except the sky profaned and black.

I live inside a snow globe
a truly bored and dying soul
these plastic people figurines
dwelling here are just as cold
it seems I've always managed
to not believe what's told
that far beyond these glass walls
exists a warm, green home

And every now and then,
the mighty hand of God extends
to shake my world and thus begin
a cataclysmic spin
the snow flurries commence
to settle on the ground herein
where both of my feet stand frozen
in winter without end.....

my icy tears descend

I don't know what to say
that's the usual case
when speaking about my life
and how I am today

Clearly,  matters of the heart
forever will outweigh
all the lighter trivial stuff
that just gets in the way...

while shallow we all stay

I fumble for the words
that would speak right and true
to call forth some kind blessing
into your world so blue

But I just strike the wrong chords
then fall down on my knees
in desperate, empty pleadings
for  jioy I cannot keep....

I stay out of the deep

What matters most to me in fact,
i may never know
I'm on automatic pilot,
by my fears controlled

When I get to thnking
that i have got a hold
on any real and lasting peace,
the engines fail and so....

tailspinning do I go

If you'll pick me up,
brush the dirt from off of me
I'll remember always dear
and grateful will I be

Grace in days of trouble
it's you I really need
bind my broken heart but first,
teach me how to grieve....

Help me to believe

Help me to receive your care
dare to hope for what's not there
beyond  times so cold and scared
to enter into prayer.....

that love my soul would spare

I want to gaze at sunsets
and not think one more day has passed
in which I lived with regrets,
just paralyzed by my sad past
I want to see its colors,
the vibrant hues of clouds at dusk
and hope for all it offers
a good night's rest and chance to trust

To trust the divine painter
of heaven's canvas, western skies
who's beauty ever renders
my heart to ponder and to cry
to cry for his kind mercy
to heal my broken soul so blind
that after witnessing such splendor,
just hang my head and sigh

Eternity's light shines within
the heart's transcendent strife
with finite numbered beats it sings
the brevity of life
And we are all like children here
Our favorite question's why
The better question though is where
will I be when I die?

the sun's gone down
now I'm waiting for the sky to fall
waiting for these tears to go and roll along
ready for them to be gone from my eyes
the sun's gone down
now it's dragging the entire sky

the sun's gone down
it's ushering the darkness in
it's calling for the ill-fated to sink or swim
the stuff I'm on's got me pinned down to the floor
the sun's gone down
and I cannot think anymore

anxiety's the dog
that follows me around
it takes me for a walk
it never settles down
I wonder who will first
be buried in the ground
here's hoping that it's he
and not the other way around

the sun's gone down
not unusual at all
it sank below the west horizon
and night's come on
I'm waiting for the blind to see
and the lame to run
the sun's gone down
now another day is done.

That devil's name is unruly.
His disorder's great, he lacks all self-control.
His place is always discheveled.
He won't wash his face, there is nowhere he goes.
He snarls and hisses so rudely.
And boldly declares that he's not coming out.
Out of that poor man until he,
eats dust and with blind eyes goes stumbling about.

That devil's name must be torture.
She'll fill you in on what you do not know,
those nights you desire her pleasure,
and pay to gain entrance to her lovely show.
She'll satisfy all your cravings.
Then she will leave you to wail and to cry,
all alone coldly reflecting,
the price it has just cost your soul for a ride.

on the front porch
the young, deaf woman
waters her potted plants
green... lush
her two bratty children sling mud
at the freshly washed sheets
hanging from the clothesline
in the backyard

at this moment she's quite happy
wetting the stalks, leaves, and flowers
the giggling children
with mudcaked faces
never had a better time
and at times yell
cheerfully ecstatic

the mother's deafness
her safety against knowing this offense is taking place
then their dad looks out the bedroom window
sees their children
and curses aloud their punk disobedience

he storms outside
promises them punishment
if they don't wash the sheets
before their mother discovers their trespass
then he gets in his pick-up truck
and drives off to work
disgustingly waving goodbye
and giving them a scowling look

the woman after finishing her gardening
walks around to the backyard to motion her kids inside
she cant figure out why the sheets she hung
on the line ten minutes ago
are missing now
and the children--
Where were they?

then suddenly two mud-streaked
ghosts in her soiled up sheets
round the corner of the house
crying boo!!
Boo, boo, booo!!!
in joyful unison
and she's glad she cant hear them

not hearing their circular mouths
so gross that they'd conspire
with bad words to do this
to her and her work
At least her plants were happy now
even if she wasn't
and tonight they will be grounded

then she gets an image in her head
of daddy running the kids over
with his truck
compost meat for her plants---
so happy

I'm strolling
I'm always high
now that's one huge dishonest lie
redundant as the muddled sky
that's always painted grey
when I say I'm okay

Fearsome,
the bitter storms
that rip through my heart, now I'm torn
between changing and keeping form
with alll I am today
undecided, I sway

Nighttime,
my consolation
I thoughtfully regard it's calm
with mind at ease,
motion will cease
give way to dreams, embalmed

Pardon me sir, may I have a drink
from the well where the honest man's thirst's quenched?

Pardon me ma'm, may I have some bread?
I sure hate to beg but I ain't been fed.

I'm only going places I ain't been before
and it's fine if I don't return anymore.
I am on a mission to contend with fate
till she yields her riches and loads my plate.

Pardon me boy, could you spare one gold?
Can't you see I'm shivering? The night is cold.

Pardon me girl, here's a little silver.
Could you warm me up and in my ear whisper?

I am only circling these same old miles.
How can you expect that I'd still smile?
A cynic when he hears that guilt is transferable,
grins ear to ear, all nice and culpable.

But love is the medicine of the sick.
It's beyond those hills about thirty clicks.
If it's taken in it will start to rid
your cells of the cancer your passions hid.

So let' us start walking till we drink from that fountain.
We yet desire mercy but our campfire's going out.

I'll be stuck here a week
in this psychiatric bubble
for the nonsense I speak
now I got myself in trouble
and I feel there's no relief
from the chaos and the struggle
when I live with unbelief
in some beautiful tommorow

It is right around the corner
just over the next horizon
but my spiritual disorder
always has me on the run
from some devil or a lunatic
parading in the sun
with a giant cardboard sign that reads,
'You'll never have some fun'

There is no such thing as harmony
I don't think it 's real
but if by some wild chance I'm wrong,
it certainly is sealed
inside an iron vault
in some dark woods by fog concealed
that's wrapped up tight inside the guts
of some big whale's last meal

Itt is washed up on a shore sublime,
spewing on the beach
the dark clouds of regret shall lift,
exposing all the trees
that will burn down to ash in time
the vault shall then be found
and when the lock is picked and it is opened, I'll be sound

Her ivory face resplendent in the light of my cold room
her painted lips are glistening with words she speaks too soon
they carry sudden waves of mystery deep into my heart
and fill my mind with worlds of question marks

What do I tell her?
What can I say?
What am I feeling?
Is it the same?
same as her passion
she gives to me,
wholly and freely,
is it to be?

I take her in my arms, then we make love and fall asleep
before the sunrise I wake up, and like a baby weep
she turns to me and says, "My dear, what's wrong? What did you dream?"
I tell her that I love her as she melts and starts to beam

"I dreamt that you were wearing a mask which I could not remove.
You said that it was for the best to keep hidden from view.
That your's was just a sorry state that I could not improve.
A girl in love with saying she's in love but so untrue."

"No ***, you're wrong. Our love is strong"
She kisses my lips. "To me you belong.
We are forever, not to dissolve.
Equals in passion. Two souls involved.
Involved in the process of being best friends.
So hold me and keep me and know me again.'

two opposing forces
battled from the start
one for sheer destruction
one to free our hearts
one with blinding fury
promising control
one that knows true power
only comes by letting go

two opposing forces
meet us on the road
one to obstruct our way
one to lighten loads
one so rich with pleasures
that lead to a dead end
one that only promises
a dangerous path that mends

Daily these opponents
rage in light unseen
nightly they retire
but still war inside our dreams
when we wake we're greeted
by these diametric beings
and once again we humans
are just made to laugh or scream

In green days of longing, a youth fills his mind
with notions of love and drives so unkind
fragrances blossom, unbridled and wild
from warm skin empassioned 'neath ivory smiles

bitter-sweet fruits grow in bellies of night
when desire's tempted, to ****** they might
protected like first-borns, not wanting to die
'neath ivory smiles, she teases, "come try."

too early however, he's emptied of fire
the girl yearns for more, she conceals her ire
behind the veneer of a thin, vacant smile
she lies: "That was good. Now let's cuddle a while."

Life is short...eternally
Earth is small...the galaxy
spins and spins...creatively
we stand in awe

At midnight we're apart like seperate stars
at a loss for who we really are

Days are long...hourly
driving on...infinitely
to cross the finish line
in time to win it all

A prize that will eventually dissolve
overshadowed by souls more evolved

Another chapter's ended
yet who can comprehend it ?
we scanned through all the pages
we forgot what it meant
to read between the lines
in increments of time
our breath was a distraction
to rhythm and to rhyme

It's meaning simply will go undefined
interpret it however you may like

In my early childhood days of school,
I was "weird", couldn't concentrate on rules,
relating to subjects I was subjected to.
I was sent to the principal or ignored as a fool.

"Focus", they'd say.
Which was just hocus pocus.
Back then there was no treatment
for what I had.
"He's short on attention."
"The span of an infant."
"He's being rebellious."
"He makes us so mad."

Those dry conversations, no doubt had before me,
I cannot remember, I'm sure they took place.
The stammering faces of angry old teachers,
I do not recall well, they're shadows quite vague.
I was locked in my bubble of attention deficit,
a modern term to describe a wandering mind.
My high school g.p.a. was **** poor. I still passed.
Today I finish short books from time to time.

If you're a young kid suffering from a.d.d., bless you.
There's hope for you yet with psychiatric care.
Me I've gained patience from this "new" disorder.
And now I ignore all I don't want to hear.

I'm tired
I'm sipping coffee
bored
I'm watching t.v.
the hours just slip away from me
I veg and rot away....
indoors all day I stay

The house....
is one big ghostland
now.....
that we don't hold hands
but neither of us care to see
each other's face again....
our love is at an end

Dear...
you took off running
back....
to mom and daddy
with everything remotely valuable
except your little dog....
the poodle i still walk

On certain evenings though, my loneliness becomes too much.
And I so miss a home-cooked meal and your feminine touch.
But then our wedding vows resound in my head like a curse.
In sickness or in health unless we get too **** bored first.

What would intrigue me?
oh just a fig leaf
worn impolitely
by maiden fair

What would attract me?
oh now let me see
perhaps that same leaf
tossed in the air

What would induce me
to cross the vast sea
and battle hordes
in castles and lairs?

What would ****** me
if not what she seeks,
rubies and diamonds
for her to wear?

What would be fair?,
I cannot stop her
with all her avarice
thirsting for more

What would she care
about what's proper,
nor if this old fool
should die at war?

What would consume
my heart with such madness,
to think I could
satisfy all her lust?

What force could exhume
my soul from the sadness
in which my corpse lies now
buried in dust?

Am I the lost coin,
the lost sheep,
the prodigal returning,
the road in need of straightening,
the valley to be raised?

Or am I just dross
to come off
the gold and silver polished,
the ruin to demolish,
the chaff that blows away?

You cast a somber shadow on a wall that is quite pale.
So it can argue for you should the yes men ever fail
and stop to question orders when it's blood for gold's avail.
You cast a crooked shadow where your righteousness is hailed.

You are nothing but a man of treachery.
ever causing hurt and spreading pain.
Oh your majesty you're only rivaled
by the devil inside of your game.
Go and cover your grey head in ashes.
wear nothing but old sackcloth alone.
Mourn and wail and beat your chest in penitence
with all of your dead advisor's bones.

You are planning missions for conscripts void of love.
You'll offer them commission for every foe they drop,
out on the field of battle in this war you'll never stop.
Because this is a dream you say. A dream that God forgot.

You are just a king of hate and madness.
The innocents you've murdered is the proof.
I'm sure that even you can understand this.
No one can forever dodge the truth.
It will surely find you in the darkness
when your judgement hour comes to call.
No amount of prayers then your highness
will save your  soul  from an eternal fall.

Wind chimes...
caught in a breeze,
caught in a gale,
calling a tease.
You think there's someone there.
Someone at the door.
Somebody real that cares.
But just like before...
it's only those **** bells,
that mournfully tell,
through cobwebs and raindrops,
you're all by yourself.

It's only the wind chimes
playing tricks on your mind.
It's only the wind now.
It's only lost time.

In Cana of Galilee, a wedding took place
Jesus and His men were there
they had been invited to come and partake
of that surely joyous affair

There was dancing and singing, plenty of drinking
and soon all the wine had run out
commotion and clamor occurred in the kitchen,
the servants all stammered about

Finding their boss, they gave him the bad news
Sir, we have just now run dry
fearing the loss of his good reputation,
he quickly pulled Mary aside

The poor man gave her the report of their shortage
and so soon the guests would all know
not wishing for their disappointment and sadness,
she soon figured out what to do

Running to Jesus, she humbly expressed this
concern that they had no more wine
He replied with kindness, " It isn't my time yet.
What is this between you and I? "

She went to the servants, said do what He tells you
and they were all simply obliged
Jesus gave orders to fill jars with water
to their brims and they all complied

They drew some out then, it had turned sweet and red,
a vintage from heaven indeed
His disciples saw this, and certainly dumb-founded
their faith in Jesus increased.

"Go now and take some to the banquet' s master",
the Lord said, the servants obeyed
when the man tasted the blessed wine, he said,
' the choicest 'til the end was saved

The abstract fool craves ridicule
succeeds through failure, skipping school
lets all things drop to hit their mark;
the bottom of the pool

That stagnant pool where cruelty drowns
all meddlers sinking in its depths
they searched for vain-glory therein
and took their final breath

The concrete wise man stands alone
he never forgets what he's shown
of life and death, to him they're games
controlled by love enthroned

Enthroned on the seat of his heart
which daily fights to learn the art
of taking in and letting go
and the appropriate time for both

Angry bull in a china shop
out of fuel near the pit stop
falling rain on dead crops
that's the human mark

Disobedient to his maker
fairground ticket-taker
for rides that end when circuit breakers
fire off and spark

Needing a new heart, seeking a hand
another rendition of head in the sand
no flesh and blood helper can make me to stand
and walk upright and true
yet I still call for you...

To bring to me my medicine
when gospel fails anew
to ease my fearful lightning storms
of nightmares and half truths...
that have me crying for proof
desolate through and through

I was under the impression there was nothing to life except waiting to die
So I figured what the hey, since I can't get away, why not get high?
Everyday I escaped to my own little place where I'd simply try
to get  my way like some renegade and enjoy the ride

I'm sitting in my chambers,  burning midnight oil, and I'm starting to cry
For no matter how closely I study the law, I cannot comply
with its lofty demands and it's moral stance in its holy might
On the losing end of battling sin, I am never right

I am so reclusive, full of excuses for why I must hide
The tide has set in,  fear has crept in, won't subside
I know the struggle is real. I know the pain life deals in both fight and flight
It seems an endless ordeal to just stand still and waiit for light

So now I'm looking for a glimpse of something  I can call divine
Or better yet, a brand new set of twenty-twenty eyes
The story's long, infinitely  strong, still it's closely timed
We try beating clocks  in-between small talks of eternal rhyme