I don't know what to say
that's the usual case
when speaking about my life
and how I am today

Clearly,  matters of the heart
forever will outweigh
all the lighter trivial stuff
that just gets in the way...

while shallow we all stay

I fumble for the words
that would speak right and true
to call forth some kind blessing
into your world so blue

But I just strike the wrong chords
then fall down on my knees
in desperate, empty pleadings
for  jioy I cannot keep....

I stay out of the deep

What matters most to me in fact,
i may never know
I'm on automatic pilot,
by my fears controlled

When I get to thnking
that i have got a hold
on any real and lasting peace,
the engines fail and so....

tailspinning do I go

If you'll pick me up,
brush the dirt from off of me
I'll remember always dear
and grateful will I be

Grace in days of trouble
it's you I really need
bind my broken heart but first,
teach me how to grieve....

Help me to believe

Help me to receive your care
dare to hope for what's not there
beyond  times so cold and scared
to enter into prayer.....

that love my soul would spare

O'kind stranger,
you remind me,
of someone I've seen before.
In a movie,
or on some street.
Maybe right outside my door.

You shake my hand,
firm but gentle,
and bring forth an honest smile.
On a face rather familiar,
then you say,
"Dad, I'm your child."

All confused, I can't remember,
the facts behind what you claim.
So I ask a simple question;
"Sir, please tell me, what's your name?"
"Henry", you say to remind me
then suggest I take a nap.
"Henry", I say, "Can you show me,
where the nearest bed is at?"

"Come with me", you say, "I'll show you."
To which I honest reply:
"Who are you?"
You say, "I'm Henry."
I ask, "You're my son, s'that right?"
"Yes", you answer. "Yes", once more,
to confirm what isn't sure,
as you lead me though the door
to where I've not been before.

Nervously I glance around.
You say, "Dad, please settle down.
You'll feel better if you sleep."
I take your hand, saying,  "Don't leave."
"O'kind stranger, please hold my hand,
'til I drift from this strange land,
into unrecognized dreams;
robbed of all my memories."

The lizard speaks a word of warning to the fly at midnight:
"Quit your hovering my friend. Come now and take a respite
from your restless swooshing' round those porcelain plates, delightful.
The ****-sapiens aren't kind and they'll never invite you."

"You'll never sample one small taste of all their scrumptious morsels.
Much less get your belly filled before the swatter scores you.
The old **** in the tie-dye wields it skillfully like zen.
If he was even half as good at playing guitar, I'd listen."

But now I do not wish to bore you with restrictive wisdom.
Besides it's getting rather late and I've just had a vision.
I've seen that through your myriad eyes, one meal is just like ten.
So shut them tightly now and we will play at make pretend."

Envision yourself on that steak, just lapping up the juices.
Get to work efficiently and chew it rather ruthless.
Atta boy!, just keep it going, you are almost through.
Now we'll play another game. It's called, I'm eating you."

I'm selling papers by the river for a nickel.
Shining shoes by the courthouse for a dime.
I'm pushing carts at Maria's Market for a quarter.
And no one knows my name, it's only mine.

I empty garbage cans filled up with once-important things.
And think that menial labor will be but a while.
But then the taunting and the laugh track starts within me.
"There's no rewarding job for you to do my child."

So keep on slaving away
tomorrow and today.
It is God's design, who cares if it is crazy?
The greener grass is still
on someone else's hill,
and you'll never pitch your tent there if you're lazy.

I've got half a mind to turn into some criminal,
and rob every bank in town one afternoon.
If I am caught I'm sure that justice would be fatal.
It would not spare this poor boy from certain doom.

But if I get away..., oh if I get away;
can you imagine just how far I'd go?
I'd find a lady fair, drive Cadillacs, and wear
only the finest in designer clothes.

But I keep slaving away
tomorrow and today.
It's the universe's joke to keep me broken.
The rich man's sweetest wine,
I never taste I find,
when I go to fill my cup I'm short a token.

Am I the lost coin,
the lost sheep,
the prodigal returning,
the road in need of straightening,
the valley to be raised?

Or am I just dross
to come off
the gold and silver polished,
the ruin to demolish,
the chaff that blows away?

I climbed the mountain where wild flowers grew
searching for the cure of gold

It was a rare plant I sought there to find
for my sis lay sick at home

Curative powers which it did contain
would restore Anne's health for sure

The wind whipped around as I did ascend
defiantly I endured

I'm taking my heart away from you
you never care for it like you should
I'm never going back to your house blue
not even if I'm in your neighborhood

I hope someday soon your face will leave
through the back of my mind or the top of my head
***' there's one thing here that fills us with dread
it's just a little thing, a little thing called pain

wherever you are, wherever that may be
is so very far, too far from me
still I hope you shine forever free
and live the kind of life God meant for you to lead

it's early to rise and late to dream again
so long till we fly far from this place
***' there's one thing here that drives us insane
it's just a little thing, a little thing called pain

I'm taking my heart away from you
***' I could be someone you never knew
and it's likely that we'd never make it through
'*** you're somebody whom I could not get to

it's a season for this, a time to forget
that we even kissed and now just regret
that we ever met but could not sustain
the love we saved for this little thing called pain

two opposing forces
battled from the start
one for sheer destruction
one to free our hearts
one with blinding fury
promising control
one that knows true power
only comes by letting go

two opposing forces
meet us on the road
one to obstruct our way
one to lighten loads
one so rich with pleasures
that lead to a dead end
one that only promises
a dangerous path that mends

Daily these opponents
rage in light unseen
nightly they retire
but still war inside our dreams
when we wake we're greeted
by these diametric beings
and once again we humans
are just made to laugh or scream

Baby's got wings, she's a dragonfly
claims to have dome things nobody tries
says she likes magic and movies on crime
I'm grateful she isn't mine

Last time I saw her was at the club
said she had gone there to mix it up
with the fine gentlemen her figure caught
she asked me to not interrupt

So I will leave her alone
she'd tear the flesh from off my bones
my skeleton would be a trophy she'd toss
into the gutter, forever lost

One day she'll  fall from her sky
to her every guy's just a meal, just a fly
I know when I'm gone, she wont bother to cry
but her heart of stone will die

The abstract fool craves ridicule
succeeds through failure, skipping school
lets all things drop to hit their mark;
the bottom of the pool

That stagnant pool where cruelty drowns
all meddlers sinking in its depths
they searched for vain-glory therein
and took their final breath

The concrete wise man stands alone
he never forgets what he's shown
of life and death, to him they're games
controlled by love enthroned

Enthroned on the seat of his heart
which daily fights to learn the art
of taking in and letting go
and the appropriate time for both

What's my story, is it only
self-contrived, confused, or jinxed
sordid, boring, old man snoring
never knowing where he fits ?

I am lost at rainbow's end here
trying to channel Presley s ghost
hips he shook and all the girls swooned
he's the one they wanted most

But I cannot dance so freely
and I do not have the looks
to make them all want to know me
write my name down in their books

sold a lie and yeah, I bought it
I just wanted to believe
happiness is being applauded
Vanity of vanities

For the time and strength I wasted
cold regret now grips and shakes me
all the while I couldn't see
just myself is all I'd be

Door is open, time to step out
see what real life's all about
Forget dead dreams and their fictions
for my vision they did cloud

Now I don't seek fame or fortune
nor things far too grand for me
only love can fix distortions
in my personality

cruelly marred by loss of flight
wings have crumbled set alight
ashes rained down from on high
what held him aloft has died

winds blasted his once strong wings
the source of his pride they'd been
now they caused him phantom pains
falsely sensing they remained

all the lives that he did save
from an accidental grave
and the guardianship he gave
could not help deliver him

his reward proved quite unkind
but to his fate he's resigned
yet some nights he still does cry
for his God to end his time

when some others soaring by
ask him why he will not try
when the air currents just seem
perfect for a flying dream

Doctor I'm troubled, my girl left me blue
She packed up her things and left for Timbuktu
With my way of living, she doesn't approve
I guess that in sickness or health just won't do

I can't say I blame her though, I love her so
She never could stand all the ways I didn't grow
Grow up out of childhood and out of old clothes
Grow up to be someone she'd forever hold

She once was a free spirit, freer than I
this fact she'd remind me each day and each night
Her mind was amazing ,inquisitive, bright
We made love at midnight and leave on the lights

But time made her sour, and time made her cold
Though I was still child-like and tied to her soul
She ended out marriage the best way she could
She went and got pregnant by some other dude

So please do take pity and help me old friend
This isn't your typical crisis again
Prescribe something strong, for my life I will end
Since this broken heart of mine never will memd

Walking back home tonight,
I was approached by two so-called Elders.
Envoys of God, out in the mission field
looking for a would-be convert.
Wouldnt you know it?----me.
It was dusk and I was tired.
All the birds were roosting in their nests.
Why the **** weren't we?
Have you seen our type before?,
one of them asked me in such similar words.
As if they had just arrived here from red Mars.
The other had a bloodshot eye
and a cheekbone bruised dark purple.
When I asked him the reason why,
he said, "soccer accident."
I said "******" as I thought '*******'.
Some ogre probably decked him in a fiery dispute
over some finer point of scripture.
Guess he didn't wanna hear.
Hell!, I didn't want to hear.
But what choice did I have?
They were more desperate to accomplish their part
in the great commission, than was my need to "feel" it.
We exchanged pleasantries.
Elder number one said his name was Whitford. He was from Utah.
The other hailed from Idaho.
I had just eaten some bad french-fries twenty minutes earlier.
Then after a quickie sidewalk sermon,
I again started for home.
A funny thing dawned on me then.
If he really had an ounce of wit he would have a Ford,
instead of moving on foot or on some silly bike.
Could cover more ground in less time.
More bibles for the masses without ears.
Then the devil tortured my grisly brain,
implanting a vision of Elder number two punching me in the face
in vengeful spite. Enlightenment. Oh the price we pay

In Cana of Galilee, a wedding took place
Jesus and His men were there
they had been invited to come and partake
of that surely joyous affair

There was dancing and singing, plenty of drinking
and soon all the wine had run out
commotion and clamor occurred in the kitchen,
the servants all stammered about

Finding their boss, they gave him the bad news
Sir, we have just now run dry
fearing the loss of his good reputation,
he quickly pulled Mary aside

The poor man gave her the report of their shortage
and so soon the guests would all know
not wishing for their disappointment and sadness,
she soon figured out what to do

Running to Jesus, she humbly expressed this
concern that they had no more wine
He replied with kindness, " It isn't my time yet.
What is this between you and I? "

She went to the servants, said do what He tells you
and they were all simply obliged
Jesus gave orders to fill jars with water
to their brims and they all complied

They drew some out then, it had turned sweet and red,
a vintage from heaven indeed
His disciples saw this, and certainly dumb-founded
their faith in Jesus increased.

"Go now and take some to the banquet' s master",
the Lord said, the servants obeyed
when the man tasted the blessed wine, he said,
' the choicest 'til the end was saved

'You need not trouble yourself anymore,
our daughter is dead not asleep.
I'm sorry You came at such a late hour,
and for all the people who scream
Insults at your name, oh Lord,
doubting that You love them so.
But we are shutting our doors to mourn.
There's nothing more to do.'

'Fear not, have faith, and you will see
the mighty power of God.
I say to you oh little girl,
it's time to rise, wake up.
Hold your child madam and sir.
Give her something to eat.
Don't ever dread death's curse, my friends.
It's just a little sleep.'

He was found floating sideways on an early April morning..
Was buried in the backyard with no eulogy at all.
An alley cat did notice when the goldfish was interred.
He licked his claws and purred real soft, saliva on his jaws.

When the owner of the fish was finished undertaking,
his dear consoling mother called him in for lemonade.
That's when the feline, now quite hungry, sprang up into action.
He quickly jumped the six foot fence to hurriedly invade.

Lightning-fast claws dug the dirt that covered up the fish.
Dead and dry, delectable, the cat could not resist.
The orange tabby proceeded to scarf it down at last.
But something went horribly wrong and he began to gasp.

For air his lungs could not intake as he choked on his snack,
which once he'd proudly coveted, now wished he could retract.
In his mark to not be seen by any human eyes,
he forgot one basic rule to always dining fine.
Chew before you swallow food of any Earthly form.
Before collapsing fatally, he knew he'd not be mourned.

Smoke and ash, your soul is gone.
Your last days here are far too long.
You're sick, you cry, you pray to die.
When shadows fall, go greet the sky.

A world of shame covers our names
when all things sacred are profaned.
Perhaps because they're not explained
in simple terms to cure our pain.

May God forgive what we don't know
having to do with self control.
May he bring peace we've not yet found
and help us lay our weapons down.

Smoke and ash, our souls are gone.
There's nothing innocent we've done.
I've torn through you, you've torn through me.
We've done it hypocritically.

With friendship's laughter in the day
and anguished frowns on bitter nights,
we drank the cup of poisoned wine
and then complained when we went blind.

When for a moment we've relaxed
enough to let our guard fall down,
we've learned the Earth is angry flat,
we've plunged knives in each other's backs.

Smoke and ash, we're smoke and ash.
Silently we'll sleep at last.
No more to gain, no more to lack.
Except the sky profaned and black.

we played parchissi, grandma and I
the race was on to get home first
we never kept track of who won more
it was ocassionally the same
her eyes were light grey and saw the world
with all its bratty twerps therein
and yes, I'm from that happy gang
I'm sure she knew...yeah, pretty sure.

she cared for birds, plants, and small things
and she would cook for me most days
she hardly smiled, didn't hug me much
but the weekly allowance she gave was great
when her blood pressure wasn't soaring
we'd walk to church and she would pray
I'd stand at attention  thère somehow
but irreverent anyway
once she tried to teach me how
to not fall far from grace
but in all my numbskull glory,
that lesson' was a waste

then her day came, she passed on
I felt sick inside
I was grossed out at myself
and yeah sure I knew why
with mixed up and cold indifference
I treated her in life
lack of gratitude I'm thinking
gets us all the time

When I see her up in heaven
it's my turn to cook
fried eggs and big golden plantains
she'll have a proud look
we'll discuss it all and bygones
will all turn to wind
some nights we will play parchissi
and not keep track of wins.

You're in a room full of wicked servants
without a clue as to what you're doing here.
One of them tells you to go light the furnace.
And then he vanishes into thin air.

Your shaking hand holds a used book of matches.
You tear one out and then you strike up a flame.
At seeing this everyone starts laughing,
then suddenly convulse in terrible pain.

At your right hand a thousand have fallen.
No memory of them will remain on the Earth.
To your left countless mourners are crawling,
loudly cursing the hour of their birth

Then all at once you're in pitch black darkness.
The floor beneath you tilts, you start to slide.
Until finally you find you are falling.
There's wailing sounds of fear on every side.

You search your memory banks to recall an old name,
that long ago you heard, or was it a dream?
You have a notion that if you could remember
and call it out, you would be rescued and freed.

Freed from this nightmare world without any ending,
and spared from an eternal suffering.
That fire you started up for warmth is burning.
It's underneath you now, searing your skin.

Inside your pounding head a voice starts shouting,
"He was a fisherman but you're no fish!
He was a shepherd but you're not some lamb!
You are a coward and an evil man!"

Then in a harsher tone if possible still,
"Such is the price for your free will.
I myself had no such thing.
Only the judgement of a God and a king."!!

patience is waiting for nothing
lifetimes of emptiness pass
impatience fueled by desire and need
lashes at each passing chance

strength strikes the anvil and sparks fly
sword's crafted well, heads will roll
weakness just cowers in corners
it's decapitation's foretold

wisdom takes comfort in finding
a little more patience each day
to deal with disastrous pinings
of foolish men after their ways

beauty's the strength of a lover
in silence attracting her mate
ugliness with love won't bother
there's nothing but bones on her plate

My fingers trace the outline of your lips
I wish somehow I could forget your kiss
This photograph of you
is making me feel blue
since from me you're a thousand miles removed

Why did you go away?
Why did you go away
so suddenly the wind and God alone knew you were gone?
I had nothing to say
what could I really say?
You didn't care enough to stay with me, so now we're done

And your cold, irreverant act
when you said you'd be back
in just a little while is history
and every warm embrace
that we shared in disgrace
has almost been erased from memory

My fingers trace the outline of your lips
oh how I wish they never told a lie
like when you said you loved me
and even though I cried,
the next day you left with another guy

This photograph of you
is making me feel blue
'*** I know we will never kiss again, so why pretend?
There's just one thing to say
now that you're far away
please don't ever come back here and let us not be friends

on the front porch
the young, deaf woman
waters her potted plants
green... lush
her two bratty children sling mud
at the freshly washed sheets
hanging from the clothesline
in the backyard

at this moment she's quite happy
wetting the stalks, leaves, and flowers
the giggling children
with mudcaked faces
never had a better time
and at times yell
cheerfully ecstatic

the mother's deafness
her safety against knowing this offense is taking place
then their dad looks out the bedroom window
sees their children
and curses aloud their punk disobedience

he storms outside
promises them punishment
if they don't wash the sheets
before their mother discovers their trespass
then he gets in his pick-up truck
and drives off to work
disgustingly waving goodbye
and giving them a scowling look

the woman after finishing her gardening
walks around to the backyard to motion her kids inside
she cant figure out why the sheets she hung
on the line ten minutes ago
are missing now
and the children--
Where were they?

then suddenly two mud-streaked
ghosts in her soiled up sheets
round the corner of the house
crying boo!!
Boo, boo, booo!!!
in joyful unison
and she's glad she cant hear them

not hearing their circular mouths
so gross that they'd conspire
with bad words to do this
to her and her work
At least her plants were happy now
even if she wasn't
and tonight they will be grounded

then she gets an image in her head
of daddy running the kids over
with his truck
compost meat for her plants---
so happy

Her ivory face resplendent in the light of my cold room
her painted lips are glistening with words she speaks too soon
they carry sudden waves of mystery deep into my heart
and fill my mind with worlds of question marks

What do I tell her?
What can I say?
What am I feeling?
Is it the same?
same as her passion
she gives to me,
wholly and freely,
is it to be?

I take her in my arms, then we make love and fall asleep
before the sunrise I wake up, and like a baby weep
she turns to me and says, "My dear, what's wrong? What did you dream?"
I tell her that I love her as she melts and starts to beam

"I dreamt that you were wearing a mask which I could not remove.
You said that it was for the best to keep hidden from view.
That your's was just a sorry state that I could not improve.
A girl in love with saying she's in love but so untrue."

"No ***, you're wrong. Our love is strong"
She kisses my lips. "To me you belong.
We are forever, not to dissolve.
Equals in passion. Two souls involved.
Involved in the process of being best friends.
So hold me and keep me and know me again.'

I'm tense, intense
the forest is dense
but through those dark trees
I spy with my lens
the oceans are warming,
truly condensed
tired of roaring
and foaming with strength

For power is waning
all things grow tired
where lie the signposts
of my old desires?
cold in the embers
of my former fires
from conquests extinguished
and joys all expired

Oh see now, I'm dying
how melodramatic
I forgot to live
in my time of despair
"You fool!", cries the phoenix
rising from ashes
death's but a rumor
though no one is spared

So nevertheless,
through weary travails
there's still a bright spark
to lift countenance high
when bruised back is broken,
mortality choking
the life from my body,
I'll reach for the sky

In the noon sun of this wasteland
my canteen's gone, I am fading
one more dune crossed, vultures circling
up above me they are waiting
what's before me? is it truly
an oasis? I am praying
that I'll be saved
from collapsing
into blackness
evermore

But my hopes die
mirage, I cry
my parched body finally falls
before the end
strong winds blow
and I am hit by sandstorm walls
could this just be some delusion?
do I hear my angel call?
or is heaven all well-wishing
nothing beyond here at all.?

Come and show me what you're made of
give me that stuff that I need
just the smallest taste of your love
helps to put my soul at ease
come here girl and pull me closer
let me feel your passion breathe
brand new life into my bones now
on your lust I want to feed
every inch of your sweet body
is a mystery to explore
that attracts and pulls me closer
and persuades to know you more
your warmth...
your touch...
I groan, you blush...
the fire's on
it's all too much
your lips...
your taste...
our long embrace...
your skin...
your hair...
your eyes...
We're There!!

Angry bull in a china shop
out of fuel near the pit stop
falling rain on dead crops
that's the human mark

Disobedient to his maker
fairground ticket-taker
for rides that end when circuit breakers
fire off and spark

Needing a new heart, seeking a hand
another rendition of head in the sand
no flesh and blood helper can make me to stand
and walk upright and true
yet I still call for you...

To bring to me my medicine
when gospel fails anew
to ease my fearful lightning storms
of nightmares and half truths...
that have me crying for proof
desolate through and through

In towers raised high to reach the sky
men forsake wisdom until time arrives
to pass from this land and into the night
from this world of goodness that's given them life

In richest palace, both king and queen
struggle with sick pride, struggle with greed
as they don gold crowns and sit on their thrones
their far poorer subjects die starved and die cold

Historic records, accounts of deeds
speak of the bravery of souls in need
faced with injustice, they did raise the sword,
and fought to bring down their oppressive lords

In graveyards silent and buried deep
everyone here will lie fast asleep
there'll be no mourners and no one to weep
heaven and hell will hold their full keep

Knee-deep water
knee-high socks
I hope it doesn't rise much higher

waist-high water
what a shock
all meteorologists are liars

They said it wouldn't rain
but then the flood came
and swept my cabin away

Now I'm up to my neck
but oh what the heck
I'm alive so I need not complain

I'm afloat on a branch
so I give thanks
to God above whom nature obeys

And though death surrounds me
the river can't drown me
if He says it's not meant to be

All those unlucky folks
who lost more than their homes
when the ultimate price they paid

Are singing in heaven
with their saintly brethren
if to that same God they prayed

Life is a mist
and man's time is short
on Earth where all is subject to change

And he's seemingly sport
for a non-gentle sort
of a natural world so strange

fenced in property lines
construction men with busy lives
their bulldozers and tractors
are moving rocks and sand
building cheap apartments
for those folks with empty hands

I am wondering
if they will sometimes smile
or just stare out of windows
as I walk by
I am wondering
if I knocked on their doors
if they'll treat me right
or simply say come back no more

today I saw the aftermath of an accident
as I walked along a busy street
two cars had been totaled, it was an ugly scene
the driver from the first car stood bleeding in the heat
some emt's were taking care of her more pressing needs
while from the second vehicle, some firemen retrieved
the body of a dead man, they covered him with sheets
I walked away in silence, not shocked in the least

And I am wondering
if an apparition's ghost
could carry all the pain they hold
from this world to the next
yes I am wondering
about coincidence
and being in the wrong place
right on time for accidents

I am wondering
what all this trouble's meant....

Hatchling...
breaks through the shell
watching...
sun bathe his world
in bright yellow hues he is unaccustomed to
hatchling...
lost in the blue

Catching...
cold morning rain
scratching...
his head to gain
a clue as to what this phenomena means
hatchling...
new on the scene

Leaving...
nest far behind
weaving...
broken he finds
sweet mother slain by the jaws of the night
grieving...
caught up in fright

Hiding...
in the underbrush
trying...
to be still and hushed
so he won't fall victim to foxes who'd munch
on his poor bones if he became their lunch
hatchlings...
endangered bunch

Wind chimes...
caught in a breeze,
caught in a gale,
calling a tease.
You think there's someone there.
Someone at the door.
Somebody real that cares.
But just like before...
it's only those **** bells,
that mournfully tell,
through cobwebs and raindrops,
you're all by yourself.

It's only the wind chimes
playing tricks on your mind.
It's only the wind now.
It's only lost time.

The thing you have in common with your brother,
is that you hate all that he does quite differently than you.
And that you're not humble enough to bother,
to work for peace that's good enough for two.

Is the girl you're with a good lover?
Is she someone really fine?
Or do you long for another?
Have you somebody else in mind?
Maybe your muse is beside you.
Or it could be you left her behind.
Perhaps you have still left to find her
to open up doors in your heart and mind.

Where beauty reigns and lives
to give you vision true,
so that you'll see the meaning of love
and what it can do.
An angel waits for you.

But it's all just a waste of time
if you only sing lullabies;
if you fall asleep beside a pretty doll
to whom you are not inclined
to bare your soul to in the night
when the world you share seems dark;
when you only hold her for temporal comfort
so your pain won't seem too stark.
Let her go. Set free your hearts.
Search for love elsewhere. Depart.

No I'm not yours, and I'll never be.
Yes I am sure, that you're not for me.
Thanks for the roses, they're quite beautiful.
I'll place them in the nicest vase that I own.
But don't get to dreaming that my hand you'll hold.
Soon as you're done with your coffee, go home.

Please don't you come around my door again.
We're not to be lovers, hence we can't be friends.
I'll stay here alone without your company.
'*** no, I'm not yours, and I'll never be.

Pardon me sir, may I have a drink
from the well where the honest man's thirst's quenched?

Pardon me ma'm, may I have some bread?
I sure hate to beg but I ain't been fed.

I'm only going places I ain't been before
and it's fine if I don't return anymore.
I am on a mission to contend with fate
till she yields her riches and loads my plate.

Pardon me boy, could you spare one gold?
Can't you see I'm shivering? The night is cold.

Pardon me girl, here's a little silver.
Could you warm me up and in my ear whisper?

I am only circling these same old miles.
How can you expect that I'd still smile?
A cynic when he hears that guilt is transferable,
grins ear to ear, all nice and culpable.

But love is the medicine of the sick.
It's beyond those hills about thirty clicks.
If it's taken in it will start to rid
your cells of the cancer your passions hid.

So let' us start walking till we drink from that fountain.
We yet desire mercy but our campfire's going out.

I don't feel much like giving way to tears.
Though I have some good reasons for to cry.
They'd all evaporate and disappear,
leaving my face etched with worried lines

So I'll keep them inside
I'll shut my red and weary eyes
until my heart collapses from the pain
Or until all this passes
this feeling of sheer hopelessness
is somehow sweetly transformed into grace.....

Allowing me to love for all my days

In the night I miss your company
And now I feel more lonesome than before
before I heard your random voice so sweet
sounding so sincere, bright, and what's more.....

I know you are an angel
the way you cleverly fool me
to thinking I'm in danger
of falling in love possibly
The heart is without reason,
desirous of what it needs.
And in some blessed season,
perhaps even a girl unseen.

I do not relate well
I have no relationships
do not relate well
I have no relations
I'm trying to catch my breath
cancelling my membership
from this sad human race
I don't fit in

Here in my frail skin
I find no comfort
nobody sees me
no one comes 'round
I have a history
checkered past misery
perhaps it's best to
be left alone

Sometimes I'm thinking
maybe I'll reach out
it's all well-wishing
nevermind now
who is an ally?
who is a lover?
I have dwelled long here
no hand to hold

And I'm old, yes I'm old
in this unkind school enrolled
taking notes, I suppose
that some day I'll find a hope
to express the longing in my soul
to some kind lady then
and it's not salvation I seek
in a person, but a friend

I was under the impression there was nothing to life except waiting to die
So I figured what the hey, since I can't get away, why not get high?
Everyday I escaped to my own little place where I'd simply try
to get  my way like some renegade and enjoy the ride

I'm sitting in my chambers,  burning midnight oil, and I'm starting to cry
For no matter how closely I study the law, I cannot comply
with its lofty demands and it's moral stance in its holy might
On the losing end of battling sin, I am never right

I am so reclusive, full of excuses for why I must hide
The tide has set in,  fear has crept in, won't subside
I know the struggle is real. I know the pain life deals in both fight and flight
It seems an endless ordeal to just stand still and waiit for light

So now I'm looking for a glimpse of something  I can call divine
Or better yet, a brand new set of twenty-twenty eyes
The story's long, infinitely  strong, still it's closely timed
We try beating clocks  in-between small talks of eternal rhyme

I met Suzanna by the well
she tried to crack my spine
it was her greed's desire thus
to take me on a ride
down into that same-said well
where water turns to wine
after we had drawn it up
and after we'd imbibed

She had her hair all covered up
beneath a prayer shawl
given to her by her mother
in the early fall
on a year of jubilee
where debts are not at all
forgiven by the old rabbis
who kiss the wailing wall

She was unrelenting
as we passionately kissed
her mother saw us in our throes,
she ran outside and hissed
on an abacus she counted
up to number six
before she reached the seventh bead
Suzanna broke my wrists

Then things all went from bad to worse
she threw me down the well
my sweetheart who was sweet no more
said, "You can go to hell!
Mother's right. All men are ****,
liars, theives, and bums.
You desired not to wed me
yet still ******* plum."

I blushed and remained hushed,
trying hard not to despair
I thought perhaps if I feigned death
those two monsters up there
would not wake up the elders
who would speedily declare
my guilt to everyone in town
and stone me with no care

I shivered in the cold water
it came up to my neck
I prayed that God would forgive Suz
and help me to forget
every instance of her falsehood
and betrayal's debt
a long time certainly would pass
before I loved again

I heard the footsteps of these witches
as they went away
how much time I spent inside the well
I cannot say
I heard Suzanna's voice trail off,
"I got that poor fool's ring.
It'll fetch a hefty price.
We'll sell it in the Spring."

Thin laughter echoed off the walls
of where they thought me dead
I felt only regret inside
for all I did expect
from this girl robber I so loved
in all sincerity
who will sell our engagement ring
next spring in jubilee.

early spring light, trying to wake me,
from a dying dream
in a small room, no space to move
I can hardly breathe
in my mind the time just flies
all I hear are screams
I'll accept the fact that I can,
silence them by no means

I'm drawing laughter
laughter from a well so deep
I give chase
but I can't catch her
she floats away like steam

my soul impacted, my eyes they've captured
a scene so ****** red
the news plays day-long, it can't be turned off
I sit and hold my head
though mercy follows, goodness is hollow
it never finds my place
I plead in darkness, "Forgive me lady,
if I've been your disgrace."

So I'm drawing laughter
to drown the tears of this day
still don't know if I will find her
or simply run away

Grey cat beams brightly,
his claws are out
black birds don't notice
the beast is around
then sensing danger,
they fly heading south
save for a little one,
weighing not an ounce

The sky above's painted
in pictures by clouds
so white and so fluffy
not weighing an ounce
until black birds fill them
with tears to come down
on top of the head
of the one who did pounce

Paint your spirit bright with love.
Rid yourself of every thought
that tells you you're not good enough
to stand up and walk right.

Plant a garden in your heart.
Treasure each rare gift of song.
Give your sweetheart roses daily.
Serenade her nights.

And give no thought to what you're missing now.
because life's waiting to deliver you,
into the light and heaven will allow
your soul to be filled with joy and renewed.

Crawl away from this dead space
of fields dotted with unmarked graves,
where all the bones of the unsaved
now have no claim on you

Take a taxi to the shore.
Sail way, return no more.
Bury all your memories
of times you've been untrue.

And have no care for what you've left behind.
Those things you thought you never could live down
will just be visions vanished from your mind,
which will find peace at last and be made sound.

Proudly standing in the light,
she waves when you are within sight.
You marvel at her beautiful,
revealed angelic form.

Tears have dried up from your eyes.
You'll forget the reasons why
they rolled down when they were cried.
You wont hurt anymore.

And try not to explain the situation.
Nor all the pain your heart's endured and worn.
Heaven itself will be the explanation.
When death is vanquished and your love is born.

foiled again, such utter failure
our minds hatched plans broken by
the strong arms of our jailors
guarding all our souls tonight
who will spring us from these prisons?
lead us out into the light?
we're accustomed to the shadows
and the loss of our sight

we had schemes the law frustrated
we had no real chance to win
for the dance was orchestrated
and our missteps did us in
time elapsed and history faded
all our names died in the wind
with the shame of being hated
and the memory of our sins

You cast a somber shadow on a wall that is quite pale.
So it can argue for you should the yes men ever fail
and stop to question orders when it's blood for gold's avail.
You cast a crooked shadow where your righteousness is hailed.

You are nothing but a man of treachery.
ever causing hurt and spreading pain.
Oh your majesty you're only rivaled
by the devil inside of your game.
Go and cover your grey head in ashes.
wear nothing but old sackcloth alone.
Mourn and wail and beat your chest in penitence
with all of your dead advisor's bones.

You are planning missions for conscripts void of love.
You'll offer them commission for every foe they drop,
out on the field of battle in this war you'll never stop.
Because this is a dream you say. A dream that God forgot.

You are just a king of hate and madness.
The innocents you've murdered is the proof.
I'm sure that even you can understand this.
No one can forever dodge the truth.
It will surely find you in the darkness
when your judgement hour comes to call.
No amount of prayers then your highness
will save your  soul  from an eternal fall.

I could stand to use a change
could stand to use more than one
had I the courage to stand in place
the courage not to run
from all the trials  this life will bring
that leave me weary and worrisome
ever yearning for hope to spring
and better days to come

I'm fascinated by the ebb and flow
the shifting tides of reap and sow
the gathering in and letting go
of all I am and all I know
And as the moon waxes and grows
I'm caught in webs of intrigue so
in bitter mourning I sorrow
over the state of my soul

Go inform the prisoners
this is their last day
soon they will be rounded up
tell them all to pray
idle words of comfort
will not profit them
when their sandalled footsteps,
to the sands ascend

Long have they awaited
for their hour to call
heaven's hosts to lend wings
when their bodies fall
see the chains they're dragging
and their tattered rags
the fools rejoice to wear them
for the Son of Man

The convicts are paraded
the audience can see
that their foolish ideas,
impossible beliefs
are scoffed at by Nero
and all of Rome indeed
gods and men are laughing
at these martyrs to be

They won't beg for mercy
the emperor knows well
they won't deny their God and King
who's name they lastly yell
two hundred men and women
new converts to the way
were executed just last week
not one renounced their faith

Many more will go today
down to the dust and grave
in their pens the lions wait
for blood they salivate
set loose, the beasts lunge at their prey
who fall praising His name
"long live Jesus!", they cry out
before they're mauled and maimed

Yes many more are going today
to St.Peter they're drawn
their spirits live in freedom now
the light of heaven's dawn
for as the screams all fade away
while evil thinks it's won
out of the ****** colliseum
God's own rise up in song

I killed a demon with a drumstick
drove it through his eye
I rat-tat-tat the snare all day
and he did march in time
the black six-string, his only friend
upon his crooked back
and every time he's strummed since then
it just seems weak and slack

no one applauds, they turn away
his fury is offense
he doesn't mind offending though
folks have no common sense
the limelight idiotic glory
is all he does crave
but now he rots anonymous
one long, sad tune he plays

Don't believe the girl when she tells you she went
against her better nature and did you wrong.
Don't believe her when she promises the world.
She will never deliver. Nobody's that strong.

*** she would take you out to sea.
And drown you there in make believe.
And no one here can be set free
by imaginary love.

Don't believe the guy when he buys you the ring,
in fair exchange for your heart strings.
There's nothing in his offering,
you're not really paying for.

*** though he takes you to the moon,
and brings the stars clear into view;
the oxygen runs out too soon,
with imaginary love.