Nails stained yellow from nicotine's hello
hair white and so thin, whatever stlli grows
skin wearing clothes suited for an old fellow
without a  friend  in the world nor a home

Arm flesh all cracking from medicine thinning
blood til that blood leaks from tiniest of cuts
Tethered to madness, heavy-hearted soldier
fighting a war that's already been lost

Age fallen  on him  like dog years times seven
no hope of rising from his wheeled seat
no pride left in him, weeps at all hours
and does not care either way now who sees

I come around now, each time embarrassed
at my own lack of concern for his needs
sadly however, he's mostly a stranger
whom I will visit when moved by pity

I wish to God things were different between us
that I could say  'I love you' earnestly
each time I tell him, it's only to spare him
the pain of his heart's  shattered billionth piece

You'll be fine, this I know
that wherever you may go
there'll be stars you can count
there will be hands you can hold
I just wish for a time
we could walk side by side
gazing up at the sky
leaving sorrows far behind

When there's weakness in your bones
from such hurt this world inflicted
and your spirit cries at night
for the beauty that is gone
think of nothing dear but God
and what your heart knows of freedom
till the radiance of heaven
grants it's tender kiss of faith

I can't promise paradise
ready-made without a fight
but I want to let you know
that I'd hold you until daylight
when the newness of tomorrow
will make sure you're celebrating
standing miles away from sadness
knowing peace and joy at last

Love is yours
It has ever been I'm sure
It calls you by name.
Night and day, night and day.
To come in from the rain.
To make it plain and clear,
that love is yours.
It has ever been my dear.

Don't believe the girl when she tells you she went
against her better nature and did you wrong.
Don't believe her when she promises the world.
She will never deliver. Nobody's that strong.

*** she would take you out to sea.
And drown you there in make believe.
And no one here can be set free
by imaginary love.

Don't believe the guy when he buys you the ring,
in fair exchange for your heart strings.
There's nothing in his offering,
you're not really paying for.

*** though he takes you to the moon,
and brings the stars clear into view;
the oxygen runs out too soon,
with imaginary love.

patience is waiting for nothing
lifetimes of emptiness pass
impatience fueled by desire and need
lashes at each passing chance

strength strikes the anvil and sparks fly
sword's crafted well, heads will roll
weakness just cowers in corners
it's decapitation's foretold

wisdom takes comfort in finding
a little more patience each day
to deal with disastrous pinings
of foolish men after their ways

beauty's the strength of a lover
in silence attracting her mate
ugliness with love won't bother
there's nothing but bones on her plate

In public she'd walk, only doing her worst
people cracked jokes, I repaired her thirst
but she'd get kicked out, for there was little doubt
she was some sort of witch whom herself had been cursed

her face was a mess, painted fiery red
she was haggard and wasted, seemingly dead
I wondered what tragedy had made her that way
when she told me I'd best watch my head

from that tired place I did take my leave
the three years I'd been there held little for me
most days I would finish my shift feeling grieved
by the ominous words that she spoke to me

Shirley, you strange soul, your darkness was deep
your shadow was the only friend that you'd keep
I wonder what mad tales about you were spun
from your own reflection in mirrors you'd run

In the noon sun of this wasteland
my canteen's gone, I am fading
one more dune crossed, vultures circling
up above me they are waiting
what's before me? is it truly
an oasis? I am praying
that I'll be saved
from collapsing
into blackness
evermore

But my hopes die
mirage, I cry
my parched body finally falls
before the end
strong winds blow
and I am hit by sandstorm walls
could this just be some delusion?
do I hear my angel call?
or is heaven all well-wishing
nothing beyond here at all.?

You know I'm running
'*** I'm unwanted
I am numbered
amongst the dead
clearly haunted
like some mansion
filled with prized possessions
but so full of dread

and yes I'm tired
of being wired
sitting in on conversations
for evidence
to give an account
in God's courthouse
on the day I leave this Earth
to face my judgement

the ghosts are dancing
in the open fields
happy to be shadows
never wanting to feel
the weight of physical bodies again
the suffering it deals
these spectres seek forevermore
to just remain half real

the ghosts are crossing
the final corridor
overjoyed at not being followed
by Earthly fears anymore
slowly they become less hollow
after entering heaven's door
and dance with new and perfect bodies
that won't suffer anymore

the sun's gone down
now I'm waiting for the sky to fall
waiting for these tears to go and roll along
ready for them to be gone from my eyes
the sun's gone down
now it's dragging the entire sky

the sun's gone down
it's ushering the darkness in
it's calling for the ill-fated to sink or swim
the stuff I'm on's got me pinned down to the floor
the sun's gone down
and I cannot think anymore

anxiety's the dog
that follows me around
it takes me for a walk
it never settles down
I wonder who will first
be buried in the ground
here's hoping that it's he
and not the other way around

the sun's gone down
not unusual at all
it sank below the west horizon
and night's come on
I'm waiting for the blind to see
and the lame to run
the sun's gone down
now another day is done.

early spring light, trying to wake me,
from a dying dream
in a small room, no space to move
I can hardly breathe
in my mind the time just flies
all I hear are screams
I'll accept the fact that I can,
silence them by no means

I'm drawing laughter
laughter from a well so deep
I give chase
but I can't catch her
she floats away like steam

my soul impacted, my eyes they've captured
a scene so ****** red
the news plays day-long, it can't be turned off
I sit and hold my head
though mercy follows, goodness is hollow
it never finds my place
I plead in darkness, "Forgive me lady,
if I've been your disgrace."

So I'm drawing laughter
to drown the tears of this day
still don't know if I will find her
or simply run away

Mary lay your roses down this time
I know they are not really mine
you picked them from your garden for another guy
don't try and captivate me with your eyes

you hold me
you scold me
when I don't play by your rules
it's frayed
yet I'm swayed
to believe our love is cool
but there is really nothing
to be hanging around here for
so Mary lay your roses on the floor

Mary, it's a burden to be led around
by the hand at all times to be safe and sound
I'll cross them on my own
these streets where I am from
I thought you were my lover not my mom

You're all in
I'm folding
I don't think my hand matches yours
tomorrow
I'll be gone
it's taken so long to be sure
to realize that you and I
will never be quite right
so Mary lay your roses in the light

I am simply broken
only now can I get better
I'm not sure yet if I may
but if all goes well, I might

I'm the fragment of a stranger
gazing in the mirror, saying,
"I'm not him, he's not me"
The reflection is a lie."

For the nose is slightly off
to the left or to the right
and the eyes they seem less green
with a little less of light

All these fingers that are pointed
at the glass just aren't mine
"I'm not him, he's not me.
There is no one here tonight."

And the mouth is forming words
but the ears have never heard
'*** an isolated soul
from self-listening's deterred

Mind encased in solid ice
no reality to find
and I'll shave tomorrow morning
if this beard is really mine

Life is short...eternally
Earth is small...the galaxy
spins and spins...creatively
we stand in awe

At midnight we're apart like seperate stars
at a loss for who we really are

Days are long...hourly
driving on...infinitely
to cross the finish line
in time to win it all

A prize that will eventually dissolve
overshadowed by souls more evolved

Another chapter's ended
yet who can comprehend it ?
we scanned through all the pages
we forgot what it meant
to read between the lines
in increments of time
our breath was a distraction
to rhythm and to rhyme

It's meaning simply will go undefined
interpret it however you may like

You cast a somber shadow on a wall that is quite pale.
So it can argue for you should the yes men ever fail
and stop to question orders when it's blood for gold's avail.
You cast a crooked shadow where your righteousness is hailed.

You are nothing but a man of treachery.
ever causing hurt and spreading pain.
Oh your majesty you're only rivaled
by the devil inside of your game.
Go and cover your grey head in ashes.
wear nothing but old sackcloth alone.
Mourn and wail and beat your chest in penitence
with all of your dead advisor's bones.

You are planning missions for conscripts void of love.
You'll offer them commission for every foe they drop,
out on the field of battle in this war you'll never stop.
Because this is a dream you say. A dream that God forgot.

You are just a king of hate and madness.
The innocents you've murdered is the proof.
I'm sure that even you can understand this.
No one can forever dodge the truth.
It will surely find you in the darkness
when your judgement hour comes to call.
No amount of prayers then your highness
will save your  soul  from an eternal fall.

Exactly what is happening? ',
she asked, ' why so unnerved?
You can tell me anything
Let's for a while converse '

I planned on saying those words to her,
this had to be the day
to let her know just how I felt
but couldn't quite convey

For when I set to tell it plain,
the phrase would not come out
into her gorgeous eyes I gazed
and then instead announced:

I' care about you, think about you,
laugh like mad each time we meet
I confide in your and trust you
You're the one I need '

'In other words you love me',
she said with brightest smile
'I've been longing just to hear this
for the longest while'

'But since you're too chicken to say so,
it will have to do
that I be the one to first say
that I love you too

I'm strolling
I'm always high
now that's one huge dishonest lie
redundant as the muddled sky
that's always painted grey
when I say I'm okay

Fearsome,
the bitter storms
that rip through my heart, now I'm torn
between changing and keeping form
with alll I am today
undecided, I sway

Nighttime,
my consolation
I thoughtfully regard it's calm
with mind at ease,
motion will cease
give way to dreams, embalmed

I'll be stuck here a week
in this psychiatric bubble
for the nonsense I speak
now I got myself in trouble
and I feel there's no relief
from the chaos and the struggle
when I live with unbelief
in some beautiful tommorow

It is right around the corner
just over the next horizon
but my spiritual disorder
always has me on the run
from some devil or a lunatic
parading in the sun
with a giant cardboard sign that reads,
'You'll never have some fun'

There is no such thing as harmony
I don't think it 's real
but if by some wild chance I'm wrong,
it certainly is sealed
inside an iron vault
in some dark woods by fog concealed
that's wrapped up tight inside the guts
of some big whale's last meal

Itt is washed up on a shore sublime,
spewing on the beach
the dark clouds of regret shall lift,
exposing all the trees
that will burn down to ash in time
the vault shall then be found
and when the lock is picked and it is opened, I'll be sound

My fingers trace the outline of your lips
I wish somehow I could forget your kiss
This photograph of you
is making me feel blue
since from me you're a thousand miles removed

Why did you go away?
Why did you go away
so suddenly the wind and God alone knew you were gone?
I had nothing to say
what could I really say?
You didn't care enough to stay with me, so now we're done

And your cold, irreverant act
when you said you'd be back
in just a little while is history
and every warm embrace
that we shared in disgrace
has almost been erased from memory

My fingers trace the outline of your lips
oh how I wish they never told a lie
like when you said you loved me
and even though I cried,
the next day you left with another guy

This photograph of you
is making me feel blue
'*** I know we will never kiss again, so why pretend?
There's just one thing to say
now that you're far away
please don't ever come back here and let us not be friends

Flowers in the vase
flowers in the pond
flowers in the arms of my lovely one
she's holding a bouquet
bought for Mary's sake
she's going to greet the ******
with her bright offering today

She'll pray the rosary twice
for days of loss and nights of grief
those petals delicate,
the ****** never sees
my baby loves me dear
protection she entreats Maria
that we'll always remain
under her watchful gaze

But the flowers at her feet all wilt and die.
Holy lady give my girl a sign.
Then I too will offer up the same.
Fresh cut flowers for you Notre Dame.

We are all just colors
flying in the solar
system of the dollar
if you care, then holler
at the high and lowly
the beautiful and homely
what's real is more fantastic
than any fiction is

We are seekers guided
by an outrageous deity
from Him we are all hiding
His voice booms and we quake
in fear that we're releasing
like neurotoxins kissing
creating warring babies
that rob us of our bliss

Freedom comes with loving
love repairs our hatred
what we hold is sacred
in cabinets of time
empty them of garbage
of sad and forlorn longing
that always leaves us hanging
to life unsatisfied

Death comes with a price
no kidding, look around
and take some last advice
from every plotted ground
harsh like violent crimes
hideousness hides
and scares a soul half-blind
until courage is found

It's not that we were afraid
of being bright, pigs, cool, or gay
it's worse
we were midliners
middle of the road
monkeys in the middle
the rubber ball always flew above our heads
beyond our outstretched arms
two inches
the span of a universe to a miss
the yearning of touch for us kids
we always ******
medium built
medium length hair
medium length nose
experimenting with tried and true formulaic expressions
set before us by the happy mediums of the art world
full of holes
our brains seeped out
set on fire
then stamped out
one day I dreamt I held the ball in blind fury
the idiot older kid doubled over
wretching on my brown shoes
moment of glory
I punched him in the gut
I clutched the previously elusive orb
wearing a toothy grin
I was no monkey in the middle then

Frank Worm grew large and distinguished.
He was this casket's tribal leader,
in all his white and slimy, bloated glory.
He ate most of his appointed corporal meals in elegance.
Even had first dibs on the poor *******'s brain.
This delicacy made him smart.
And with the votes of Crumble and Weezy,
two of his friends on the New Maggot Council;
he was elected party president.
Then sure enough the whole body was consumed.
And at last, even poor Frank rotted away in his waste.

I don't know what to say
that's the usual case
when speaking about my life
and how I am today

Clearly,  matters of the heart
forever will outweigh
all the lighter trivial stuff
that just gets in the way...

while shallow we all stay

I fumble for the words
that would speak right and true
to call forth some kind blessing
into your world so blue

But I just strike the wrong chords
then fall down on my knees
in desperate, empty pleadings
for  jioy I cannot keep....

I stay out of the deep

What matters most to me in fact,
i may never know
I'm on automatic pilot,
by my fears controlled

When I get to thnking
that i have got a hold
on any real and lasting peace,
the engines fail and so....

tailspinning do I go

If you'll pick me up,
brush the dirt from off of me
I'll remember always dear
and grateful will I be

Grace in days of trouble
it's you I really need
bind my broken heart but first,
teach me how to grieve....

Help me to believe

Help me to receive your care
dare to hope for what's not there
beyond  times so cold and scared
to enter into prayer.....

that love my soul would spare

I'm tired
I'm sipping coffee
bored
I'm watching t.v.
the hours just slip away from me
I veg and rot away....
indoors all day I stay

The house....
is one big ghostland
now.....
that we don't hold hands
but neither of us care to see
each other's face again....
our love is at an end

Dear...
you took off running
back....
to mom and daddy
with everything remotely valuable
except your little dog....
the poodle i still walk

On certain evenings though, my loneliness becomes too much.
And I so miss a home-cooked meal and your feminine touch.
But then our wedding vows resound in my head like a curse.
In sickness or in health unless we get too **** bored first.

I live inside a snow globe
a truly bored and dying soul
these plastic people figurines
dwelling here are just as cold
it seems I've always managed
to not believe what's told
that far beyond these glass walls
exists a warm, green home

And every now and then,
the mighty hand of God extends
to shake my world and thus begin
a cataclysmic spin
the snow flurries commence
to settle on the ground herein
where both of my feet stand frozen
in winter without end.....

my icy tears descend

I do not relate well
I have no relationships
do not relate well
I have no relations
I'm trying to catch my breath
cancelling my membership
from this sad human race
I don't fit in

Here in my frail skin
I find no comfort
nobody sees me
no one comes 'round
I have a history
checkered past misery
perhaps it's best to
be left alone

Sometimes I'm thinking
maybe I'll reach out
it's all well-wishing
nevermind now
who is an ally?
who is a lover?
I have dwelled long here
no hand to hold

And I'm old, yes I'm old
in this unkind school enrolled
taking notes, I suppose
that some day I'll find a hope
to express the longing in my soul
to some kind lady then
and it's not salvation I seek
in a person, but a friend

I want to gaze at sunsets
and not think one more day has passed
in which I lived with regrets,
just paralyzed by my sad past
I want to see its colors,
the vibrant hues of clouds at dusk
and hope for all it offers
a good night's rest and chance to trust

To trust the divine painter
of heaven's canvas, western skies
who's beauty ever renders
my heart to ponder and to cry
to cry for his kind mercy
to heal my broken soul so blind
that after witnessing such splendor,
just hang my head and sigh

Eternity's light shines within
the heart's transcendent strife
with finite numbered beats it sings
the brevity of life
And we are all like children here
Our favorite question's why
The better question though is where
will I be when I die?

Gotta find that certain someone
who will make me feel alive
Oh that's right, there's no such person
in this birdcage full of beehives
silly me dreaming of true love
love's a chemical response
that kicks into overdrive
when some cute girl walks on by

History  is a  reminder
of the processes of life
God made man a social creature
but that creature lost its mind
when he  chose to dwell in darkness
and forgot all plans divine
snakes and angels fuelled his madness
strange cave paintings showed in time

Fish in rivers, bears in mountains
prey and predator alike
both became food for the wanton,
savage hunger of his crimes
Til the last known wishing fountain
swallows up its final coins,
this world shall ever be haunted
by the offspring of his *****

Cyanide capsule in the mouth of a ******
roses in the hands of a man with no wife
blue prison walls repainted dull grey
birds take flight in a thundering sky

Yellow tie hubris in the staff rooms of madness
expletives ring out, they're competing for cash
speaker of the house eats a bologne sandwich
ten million die at the drop of a hat

Patriotic songs blare out of a jukebox
some punk shoots a birdie as he walks on by
a little kid inspired by the rebellious gesture
salutes the flag then starts to cry

I could stand to use a change
could stand to use more than one
had I the courage to stand in place
the courage not to run
from all the trials  this life will bring
that leave me weary and worrisome
ever yearning for hope to spring
and better days to come

I'm fascinated by the ebb and flow
the shifting tides of reap and sow
the gathering in and letting go
of all I am and all I know
And as the moon waxes and grows
I'm caught in webs of intrigue so
in bitter mourning I sorrow
over the state of my soul

Search for the light
that can only be your star
search for the knowledge
only wisdom imparts
search for the visions
hidden deep inside your heart
seek ye the kingdom
it isn't far

Search for solutions
to the problems that appear
don't bother trying
to solve riddles of fear
take comfort knowing
that although this world shall pass
that gift of heaven
is yours if you ask

A nameless child runs fast
down the road to ruin
cursing life all the time
everything and everyone
to survive she must be tough
and never give much thought at all
to where she will be at the end
of her sad, worthless life

She finds there's only misery
wherever she does go
she's always tired and lonely
in the arms of strange men
who pay to be her friend a while
in return for good deeds
she performs in some dark rooms
of certain cheap motels

And she knows ......
the devil's got her number
tonight if she went under
she wouldn't care at all
Yet she wonders .....
if she'll find absolution
beyond this world's confusion
and if God's real at all

But some cold night embracing
some man seeking her pleasure
from her own lips there will escape
the slightest breath of prayer
conceived in pain, her faith is born
of ultimate despair
exhaling a redemptive call
"God help me if you're there."

I don't feel much like giving way to tears.
Though I have some good reasons for to cry.
They'd all evaporate and disappear,
leaving my face etched with worried lines

So I'll keep them inside
I'll shut my red and weary eyes
until my heart collapses from the pain
Or until all this passes
this feeling of sheer hopelessness
is somehow sweetly transformed into grace.....

Allowing me to love for all my days

In the night I miss your company
And now I feel more lonesome than before
before I heard your random voice so sweet
sounding so sincere, bright, and what's more.....

I know you are an angel
the way you cleverly fool me
to thinking I'm in danger
of falling in love possibly
The heart is without reason,
desirous of what it needs.
And in some blessed season,
perhaps even a girl unseen.

I was under the impression there was nothing to life except waiting to die
So I figured what the hey, since I can't get away, why not get high?
Everyday I escaped to my own little place where I'd simply try
to get  my way like some renegade and enjoy the ride

I'm sitting in my chambers,  burning midnight oil, and I'm starting to cry
For no matter how closely I study the law, I cannot comply
with its lofty demands and it's moral stance in its holy might
On the losing end of battling sin, I am never right

I am so reclusive, full of excuses for why I must hide
The tide has set in,  fear has crept in, won't subside
I know the struggle is real. I know the pain life deals in both fight and flight
It seems an endless ordeal to just stand still and waiit for light

So now I'm looking for a glimpse of something  I can call divine
Or better yet, a brand new set of twenty-twenty eyes
The story's long, infinitely  strong, still it's closely timed
We try beating clocks  in-between small talks of eternal rhyme

I asked a wise man questions once
He answered 'I don't know
'Well then, who does?, I shot back
He dismissed me to go
up onto some mountainside
where cold and shrill winds blow
sure I might gain knowledge there
at the cost of sorrow

Insight to the ways of nature, life and death and time
Mastery over creation's intricate designs
Power to fell tallest trees or move clouds in the sky
But even on the summit, I'd feel low without love's high

Doctor I'm troubled, my girl left me blue
She packed up her things and left for Timbuktu
With my way of living, she doesn't approve
I guess that in sickness or health just won't do

I can't say I blame her though, I love her so
She never could stand all the ways I didn't grow
Grow up out of childhood and out of old clothes
Grow up to be someone she'd forever hold

She once was a free spirit, freer than I
this fact she'd remind me each day and each night
Her mind was amazing ,inquisitive, bright
We made love at midnight and leave on the lights

But time made her sour, and time made her cold
Though I was still child-like and tied to her soul
She ended out marriage the best way she could
She went and got pregnant by some other dude

So please do take pity and help me old friend
This isn't your typical crisis again
Prescribe something strong, for my life I will end
Since this broken heart of mine never will memd

Walking back home tonight,
I was approached by two so-called Elders.
Envoys of God, out in the mission field
looking for a would-be convert.
Wouldnt you know it?----me.
It was dusk and I was tired.
All the birds were roosting in their nests.
Why the **** weren't we?
Have you seen our type before?,
one of them asked me in such similar words.
As if they had just arrived here from red Mars.
The other had a bloodshot eye
and a cheekbone bruised dark purple.
When I asked him the reason why,
he said, "soccer accident."
I said "******" as I thought '*******'.
Some ogre probably decked him in a fiery dispute
over some finer point of scripture.
Guess he didn't wanna hear.
Hell!, I didn't want to hear.
But what choice did I have?
They were more desperate to accomplish their part
in the great commission, than was my need to "feel" it.
We exchanged pleasantries.
Elder number one said his name was Whitford. He was from Utah.
The other hailed from Idaho.
I had just eaten some bad french-fries twenty minutes earlier.
Then after a quickie sidewalk sermon,
I again started for home.
A funny thing dawned on me then.
If he really had an ounce of wit he would have a Ford,
instead of moving on foot or on some silly bike.
Could cover more ground in less time.
More bibles for the masses without ears.
Then the devil tortured my grisly brain,
implanting a vision of Elder number two punching me in the face
in vengeful spite. Enlightenment. Oh the price we pay

I'm selling papers by the river for a nickel.
Shining shoes by the courthouse for a dime.
I'm pushing carts at Maria's Market for a quarter.
And no one knows my name, it's only mine.

I empty garbage cans filled up with once-important things.
And think that menial labor will be but a while.
But then the taunting and the laugh track starts within me.
"There's no rewarding job for you to do my child."

So keep on slaving away
tomorrow and today.
It is God's design, who cares if it is crazy?
The greener grass is still
on someone else's hill,
and you'll never pitch your tent there if you're lazy.

I've got half a mind to turn into some criminal,
and rob every bank in town one afternoon.
If I am caught I'm sure that justice would be fatal.
It would not spare this poor boy from certain doom.

But if I get away..., oh if I get away;
can you imagine just how far I'd go?
I'd find a lady fair, drive Cadillacs, and wear
only the finest in designer clothes.

But I keep slaving away
tomorrow and today.
It's the universe's joke to keep me broken.
The rich man's sweetest wine,
I never taste I find,
when I go to fill my cup I'm short a token.

The lizard speaks a word of warning to the fly at midnight:
"Quit your hovering my friend. Come now and take a respite
from your restless swooshing' round those porcelain plates, delightful.
The ****-sapiens aren't kind and they'll never invite you."

"You'll never sample one small taste of all their scrumptious morsels.
Much less get your belly filled before the swatter scores you.
The old **** in the tie-dye wields it skillfully like zen.
If he was even half as good at playing guitar, I'd listen."

But now I do not wish to bore you with restrictive wisdom.
Besides it's getting rather late and I've just had a vision.
I've seen that through your myriad eyes, one meal is just like ten.
So shut them tightly now and we will play at make pretend."

Envision yourself on that steak, just lapping up the juices.
Get to work efficiently and chew it rather ruthless.
Atta boy!, just keep it going, you are almost through.
Now we'll play another game. It's called, I'm eating you."