If natural disaster was to call.
And we were all to fall.
Will there be anyone left?
To log into our phones,
And read our unposted;
Thoughts.
Poems.
Playlist songs.
Prayers.
Notes.
To do lists.
Bucket lists.
Wishlists.
Uncleared shopping carts.
Liked videos.
Saved videos.
Favorite videos.
Watch later.
Retweeted.
Loved.
Reposted.
Unfiltered pictures.
DIY projects.
Ten minute crafts.
Absolute must haves.
Spend the day with mes.
Get ready with mes.
Food orders.
Takealot orders.
Amazon orders.
Day in the life.
What I feed my dog in a day.
What I eat in a day.
Daily vlogs.
Daily blogs.
Unread texts.
Check ins.
Drafts.
Downloads.
Watch lists.
Google history.
Unread emails.
Tinder matches.
Netflix must watch.
Gen Z versus millenials.
Private subscriptions.
And think to themselves,
What the actual f**k?
What happened to us?
What has the world become?
Personally,
I hope he writes the new Bible.
What would God think?

Floods are coming.
I hope you drown first,
Before everyone else.
Storms are calling.
I hope you get stuck first,
Before everyone else.
For not responding,
To my texts.

It hurts.
It burns.
Every day.
In every way.
I cry about it.
Obsess over it.
Night by night.
Against my might.
It cuts deep.
I can't fall asleep.
You don't see me.
Why can't you see me?
Will you ever see me?
Like I see you?
I see you.
More than you'll ever know.
In my dreams.
My thoughts.
In my memories.
I see you all the time.
I can't stop.
Seeing you.
I wish you saw me,
Too.
What would it take,
For you to see me?
What do I have to do?
For you to see me?
I'd do anything.
For you to see me.

Always trying to figure out,
Where I went wrong.
It's like I blinked,
And suddenly,
I was in a deep dark hole.
Not knowing how I fell in,
Or when.
My whole life is a blur.
I don't have any memories,
Of who I used to be,
Before I became,
A sad;
Lonely;
Broke;
Broken;
Depressed;
Anxious;
Unloved;
Adult.
I­t's all I know.
When did I make the decision,
To become a failure?
How did I become,
A victim of life?
How do I turn things around?
Make life meaningful.
Have meaningful relationships.
Nothing feels real.
I lost myself trying to heal.
I wish for death like it's nothing.
Every time I see a "rest in peace" post,
Deep down I wish it was me.
Thinking: "You're so lucky to be dead."
I've stopped believing.
I've accepted,
Misery.
And all its friends and foes.
I can't count how many times a day,
I say:
"I wish I was dead"
"I'm so lonely"
When does it end?
Does it ever end?
I wish somebody loved me.
Am I feeling sorry for myself?
Yes!
Do I know how to stop?
No!
Am I worthy of unconditional love?
Absolutely!
Will I reach it?
I don't know!

I hope grace locates you,
And never leaves your side.
I hope you continue to shine,
And never cease your light.
May God bestow his best blessings,
Upon you and yours,
And continue to bless you,
For all eternity.
May darkness fear your presence,
And the light be ever comfortable in your existence.
May you never again feel pain.
I hope you find peace so pleasant,
That you continue to dwell in it,
For all eternity.
May you never again feel the grasp of grief,
Nor the frustration of failure,
Nor fear.
Nor the sting of shame,
Nor despair.
May the cloud of sadness abandon your side forever,
And that of happiness accompany you to the grave.
May joy be your daily bread.
May bliss be your every day song.
May your heart be filled with love,
So unconditional it prevails,
Against all odds.
May you be protected against all evil.
May the devil tremble at your feet.
May the angels shelter you under their sacred wings.
May your wildest dreams come true,
Better than you have envisioned.
May you never lack.
May your pockets never run dry,
For generations to come.
I wish endless abundance upon you.
I wish boundless prosperity upon you.
I declare everlasting wealth and health, upon your life.
May the world see God's graciousness, through you.
And let them follow your righteous path,
For you stayed true.
You fought valiantly.
You showed perseverance and courage.
And for that,
I hope grace locates you,
And never leaves your side.
I hope you continue to shine,
And never cease your bright light.
May God bestow his biggest blessings,
Upon you and yours.
And continue to bless you,
For all eternity.

Amen and amen...

The only time
I feel like
Everything is going to be alright
Is when there's a fresh bottle
Of gin
In the fridge
Otherwise
It's downhill
I'm depressed
I'm miserable

The only time
I feel alive
Is when my glass is full
Half tonic
Half gin
Ice
Slice of lemon if I'm feeling adventurous
Otherwise
I'm dead inside
I feel almost nothing outside of sorrow

The only time
I can fall asleep
Is when my belly is filled with gin and tonic
I experience vivid dreams
I'm happy
My spirits visit me
Otherwise
The sun comes up to my eyes wide open
Listening to my rapid heartbeat
Thinking "I have work in two hours"

The only time I feel inspired
Is with a cold one in one hand
A pen in the other hand
Otherwise
I lack motivation
I lack any will to live
I dwell in negative energy
I have no hope for the future
Nothing flows
My thoughts are a scattered mess

Although I might die
Either I die from over indulgence
Or I die from sadness
Either way
I am dead
May the good Lord forgive me
For I know not what else to do
For I am intoxicated
As I type this
For sobriety feels like a prison to my pain

There must be a better way

Things are so bad
I wish
I could catch
A stray bullet
I'm not suicidal
But death
Would slap
Right now
I'm keeping my head
Close
To the window
In case
There is a shootout
My way out