Hey! Friend.
I know we haven't talked in a while.
It's been a minute.
I've been so distant.
I've been so caught up.
I've been avoiding catching up.
Because catching up means:"How are you?"
"How have you been?"
For the life in me,
I don't know how to answer that question.
Because I am not okay.
But I don't know how to say,
That I'm not okay.
That life is a hurricane.
That all I feel is pain.
That I am holding on by a thread.
That I wish I was dead.
I don't want to burden you,
With all this negative energy around me.
I'd rather you don't know how I am,
And assume that I am okay.
Than me telling you that I am not okay.
Don't ask me how I am doing.
Don't ask me how I have been.
Cause I can't give you that answer.
Not without falling apart.
Not without breaking my heart.
It hurts.
Everything hurts.
And I can't describe it.
I can't express it.
I am numb.
I have succumbed,
To the darkness.
To the sadness.
So forgive me, but I can't tell you how I am.
I can't tell you how I am really.
I can't tell you that it's better.
Or that I'm no longer bitter,
About things that hurt me in the past.
That I never talk about, but haven't healed from.
I can't tell you cause you'd expect that I've healed by now.
I've moved on by now.
It happened years ago.
But I haven't.
And I can't tell you why.
Simply because I don't know why.
So I'm sorry if you feel like I have changed.
I've become estranged.
But there's emotions I can't put into words.
There's demons I can't escape from.
So it's better if I don't mention them.
So I avoid the question: "How are you?"
When I see those words, my mind starts racing.
Because that's when I remember that I am not okay.
I don't know if I will ever be okay.
I'm sorry if this hurts you.
But trust me, it hurts me more.
It hurts me that my world is so gloomy.
Unfortunately this is my reality.
And I embrace the darkness.
I confide in the darkness.
I'm friends with the darkness.
I don't expect you to understand.
And I'm not asking for your sympathy.
All I ask is that you don't ask me how I am.
Because I don't know how am.
Don't ask me how things are going,
Cause things aren't going.
I'm in a stationary ship.
Until I'm in a brighter place, mentally.
Emotionally.
Physically.
I can't tell you how I am.
So please, don't ask me how I am.

Spiritual awakening.
Is this the end or the beginning?

I'm confused.
Deepest parts of me bruised.

I've lost all that used to matter.
My mind is in clutter.

What is the meaning of this?
What kind of sick game is this?

I'm being torn from the inside out.
Chills from sincere drought.

I long for clarity.
For prosperity.

I don't seek popularity.
I don't need charity.

I'm stuck in solidarity.
Stripped off my identity.

Who am I ?
How do I get by?

I'm all alone.
Every one has come and gone.

Spiritual awakening.
Rude awakening.

I'm barely breathing.
Like a baby teething.

I'm in so much pain.
I'm going insane.

I'm losing my mind.
I can see but I'm blind.

Open my third eye already.
I am more than ready.

I pray you heal
From whatever ordeal
Whatever happened
That had your spirit dampened
May you find deep healing
May you find deep meaning
May your spirit be free
Free to the highest degree
May you never again feel unbearable pain
May you never again shed tears from strain
I pray you have all the strength
Enough to defeat even death
May you be mighty and strong
May you live long
To tell your tale
And drink the best ale
May others be inspired by your story
I pray you see all your glory
Above all,
I pray you find happiness
Please hang in there
And know that I am here

Azania, malibuye izwe lwethu.
Mayibuye iAfrika, izwe lwethu

Africa, where have you gone?
Africa, what happened to you?

We breathe poverty.
27 years into liberty.
Yet, not much has changed.
The black man remains estranged.
No land, no wealth.
No access to health.
The black man is educated and unemployed.
His voice is meaningless and void.
The black man is a criminal.
Not a trustworthy individual.

Azania. Libuya nini izwe lwethu?
Ibuya nini iAfrika yethu?

Africa, where have you gone?
Africa, what happened to you?

Where is the black child's fortune?
When does he get to sing a happy tune?
When does he move out of the small shack?
When does he get his ancestors' land back?
No one will hire him, he doesn't own a car.
He lives too far.
He's below the par.
Where he's from, there's no tar.
His shoes pick up clouds of dust.
Victim to a system so unjust.

Azania. Libuya nini izwe lwethu?
Ibuya nini iAfrika yethu?

Africa, where have you gone?
Africa, what happened to you?

Our mothers know nothing but pain.
They wipe kitchens spotless, all in vain.
Our fathers toil in the gardens.
Prayers have become burdens.
Government officials care for nothing but their pockets.
While we cry tears filling buckets.
Is this the Africa we fought for?
Is this the freedom we fought for?
Africa is singing a burning weep.
Her sorrows run deep.

She is asking, "what about my children?"
"What will become of them?"
She can't bear to see it.
Unite Africa with her children.
She longs to see them prosper.
Africa loves her children.
They don't deserve to suffer any longer.
From the hands of the ruthless ruler.
They are her pride and joy.
She wants to see them enjoy,
Her rich soil.
Profit from her natural oil.
Her pure silver.
Her dazzling diamonds.
Her excellent copper.
Her soft gold.

Abantwana base Afrika mabaphile.
Inhlupheko yase Afrika mayiphele.

iAfrika mayibuye.
Mayibuye iAfrika.

Hope?
Oh, he left me.
I wasn't good enough for him.
Left, said he was coming back.
Never saw him again.
I tried to keep Hope by my side.
Nothing I didn't do for Hope.
I told Hope that I loved him.
That I needed him.
But he vanished.
Couldn't bear the mere sight of me.
Couldn't bear to hear me say his name over and over.
"I have Hope!"
"Hope is all I need"
I kept on proclaiming.
Looked back, and he was gone.
Didn't text me back.
Didn't bother to phone me back.
Left me there all alone.
Hanging by a thread. Me!
Asking, "has anyone seen Hope?"
"Where is Hope?"
Never laid my eyes upon him again.
Never felt close to him again.
I cried so many tears.
After so many years,
I still miss Hope.
Hope was my friend.
I wish he was still my friend.
After I showed him that I believed in him,
He left.
Now I'm left with despair.
He never leaves.
He's always here.
I need my Hope back.
Does he know I still think of him?
If you happen to cross paths with him,
Please tell him that I miss him.
I miss when we were younger.
We shared so much.
I remember his soft touch.
His kiss.
His embrace.
We would talk dreams all day long.
He made them feel real.
Possible.
Nothing I couldn't do.
Long as I had him.
I'll never know why he left.
I don't know where to find him.
He's a sweet memory now.
I'm with Despair now.
He's not any fun.

Spirit take the lead
Let my heart no longer bleed
Save me from falling
Make known my calling
I long for peace
For this heaviness to cease
I long for salvation
Unlock my revelation
Let me suffer no longer
Let me grow stronger
I remain faithful
I try to be grateful
Full of contentment
I show commitment
When do I get to break free?
Release these chains from me
They are tight, they burn
Reveal the light, I yearn
Spirit, take the lead
I sincerely plead
I need your guidance and understanding
I long for abundance and a happy ending
Spirit are you there?
Do you even care?
For me and my deepest emotion
Do you see my depthless devotion?
Lead me
Feed me
Send me deeper and deeper
Until the day I meet death's reaper
Surely you are forever at my side
It's in you I confide
Spirit, take the lead
I plant this seed
From here on now, you are mine
I am yours
Together, we are spirit
Together, we take the lead

How do I beat loneliness?
It follows me around like a dark cloud.
It's dark and filled with sadness.
It makes no sound but it's really loud.

It brings me so many tears.
It leaves me feeling so worthless.
It's been so many years,
Filled with emptiness

No one sees me.
I seem to be invisible.
No one here, just me.
Loneliness seems to be invincible.

It's like I'm hardly living.
I'd choose death over this any day.
How can God be so unforgiving?
How can I live this way?

Please, how do I beat loneliness?
I'm slowly fading away into nothingness.
I am one with the emptiness.
"Hi, nice to meet you. I'm lonely"