" I just saw a car that had 9, 865 Pigeon ***** all over it,  the car pulled out  from under a tree in the car park ,  another driver patiently waited  before he then drove into the same  vacant spot "
      " The car was almost white , makes you wonder about the  driver who took it's place"   " Maybe he was colour blind or the car was  stolen "     " Especially as the large car park was half empty "

There was a young man, from Gdansk,
who went to Ireland, looking for Romance,
what he found on arrival, the girls were all tribal,
and fought , for  what was inside his Pants

  Michael Holly Evergreen Barrett

There was a young Pole from Gdansk,

who went to Ireland, looking for romance,

What he found on arrival. the girls were all tribal,

and fought for , what was inside his Pants.


Holly Barrett

There was a young man called Norman Bates,

who ran a Motel in the States,

A swamp at the rear, gave Norman some cheer,

Himself and his Mother never looked back.

V


Instead of having rotten tomatoes thrown at him,
or being impeached , or having grapes,
put into his Wellingtons,
Donie Trump is to be Knighted,' Arise Sir Donald Trump'
  Knight of the Garter, he pulled up his socks ,
just in time.

In one of their first unofficial unpaid duties,
Prince Harry and 'Muggins' Markle will lay the blade,
of a reproduction Chinese sable,
on each side of Donald's  transfat padded shoulders,
and declare him ' Knight of the Garters'.

Sir Donald , will be humbled by the experience,
and ask Prince Harry, if he can keep the Chinese sable,
to use it on , Gretta Thunberg, the next time he meets her.

  Holly Barrett

his was very evident in 1939, when Germany started
another  World War, losing one wasn't enough for them
they were going full out for the Hat Trick,
the first half of the match , was going along nicely
for them, Until Rudolph Hess, was substituted for
losing his bearings,  and started playing for the opposing side,
he was eventually Red Carded, and sent to the dugout in Spandau,

Worse was to come when Captain A. ******, handled the ball,
before the penalty was taken, he turned on his own former team mates,
the Red Devils, the Russians,   His team went into the game
full of enthusiasm, and togged out in short sleeves , and shorts,
   The second half, they were frozen to death , with severe frost bite,
and what was left of them , ran off home in defeat.
  
Before the end came, Capt. A. Hitlers side were losing badly,
so the Captain decided to shoot the Ref, and the Ref
tried to shoot him , it was a stand off draw.

Captain A. ****** couldn't bear to see his team being annihilated,
so he ran downstairs to the underground dressing room,
and began ' Dribbling' like George Best, except George
only did it with his feet.

A year after ******'s team lost spectacularly,
at the Nuremberg Trials,
Goering and Hess, were once again,
selected as the top players.

Holly Barrett

There was a young man from Macroom,
who thought , he could fly on a broom,
He took flight in the night,
with a scream of delight, and,
  crash landed in a Hospital  Room .

By Michael Evergreen Holly Barrett

I was swimming away gaily , minding my own business,

the water was tepid,  a couple 20 feet away from me ,

were up to their waist in the water , Med sea,

She had her arms wrapped around his neck ,

and her legs wrapped around his  mid drift.


Their heads were bobbing , and they they were looking ,

all around  to see , who was looking at them,

They were obviously having ***.

I had an odd sneaky look, to confirm my observation.


As they came to a conclusion, their heads were bobbing faster,

until it stopped and they separated and left the water.

My first thoughts were , how romantic,

I myself never had Sea ***.


I told my wife when I returned  to  our sun spot,

She told me to take a shower immediately,

" You were swimming around ' *****' of *****

floating in the water."

The romantic notion left me , and I thought ,

" Those ***** *******  "

  By Holly Barrett

If people eat chocolate , and junk fast food,
other people who smoke cigarettes , with copious  Alcohol,
addicts of drugs , *** deviants,
and worse, people who are aficionado's ,
of the British Royal family.

Then these people should make a pact,
an arrangement , with, Public Health Services,
Not to bother them , when things go wrong,
and they will go wrong , and they will be a burdon on us,
    On the Public purse

I hope they believe in a God,
and he will look after them ,
Because we can't , the purse is closed ,
shut , zipped up , welded, bolted down .

Michael Holly Barrett

Finnerty and Fogherty

met Hudson and Cookson

riding on their Tandem

two miles East of Annascaul.


Hudson and Cookson

wore no clothes at all,

startled to see,two men

sitting on a wall.


Giggling an Peddling, past

onto the brow of a hill

they came upon an old man

who pretended to be ill.


Alighting from their Tandem

they rushed onto his side

he pulled out his wallet

and asked them for a ride.


Shocked and Mortified,

the girls began to Chide

He replaced his bulging Folder

He began to cry

'' I  haven' t  rode a Tandem ''

since I was a wee little boy.


         BY the Evergreen  Holly Barrett

I was court-martialled in my absence, and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.
**


I am a drinker with writing problems.

A cryptic crossword lover,

who lived on a farm outside Tubber,

decided to commit suicide.

He'd do like no other.



Every morning , at the breakfast table,

he'd sing one verse ,to his puzzled wife Mabel.

" I walked away from the hanging tree, and my own true love....

" On the banks of the river, stood Running Bear.......

" Hang down your head Tom Dooley, hang down......


As his mental state became evermore  deranged,

his verses  too, became more strange.

One week before his planned final exit,

a note on his porridge he found, she texted.


  " I've taken the Costa Brava Plane, a Viva Espanya "

get your own ******* breakfast. mate ,

" A Viva  Espanya, a Viva Espanya "

" Don't wait up. I'll be late. a Viva Espanya "


      By Holly Barrett

I understand it completely now

why I hate mornings.

In a certain period, in my early youth,

I was want to wake up, with Hangovers, often in my Birthday suit

and Broke, No money for the day's Beer and Cigarettes ahead.



In old age now, I wake up,

not so much  Broke, but bent, the bones groan,

as if to say...." Don't stand up"..." Don't bend"...." Don't move",

"  Achtung,... Landmines ahead ..go slow".


If the Beer and cigarettes  today were free,

I'd have No use for those Imposters , you see.

I can remember a time, when I jumped out of bed.

I can remember a time, when I jumped into bed.


The bed is a two face Knave,

that lulls you into a false sense of security,

and kicks you in the head,

when you wake up in the morning, dead.


                   By Holly Barrett

Once upon a time , in the old , old world,
before we discovered a new Planet, that was human friendly,
and we abandoned , the spent out earth,
The old world folks , were addicted to synthetic drugs.

Alcohol that caused liver failure,
Fast food , that made them unable to walk,
Unknown women laid down with Movie moguls, monsters
Once know,by the public, denounced the mogul monsters,":<,Me Too **
and became even more famous, inspiring other women to follow suit.

Obesity became so acceptable, and normal,
that the world , slowed down, due to overweight,
spinning slowly , scientists  wrongly calculated,' Global Warming'
  The rush was on to find a new home,

The first arivee's to the new world planet,
were dubbed  by their Martian hosts,
  as the ones from,
    The Planet of the Vapes.

Holly Barrett   18 ' 1 ' 2020

I  plough  a  lonely  furrow,

along  a  busy  city  street,

I  plant  no  seeds  of  corn,

T'would  be  swept  away  by  milling  feet.


Busy,  as  busy  Bees,

pushing,  jostling,  navigating,

in  waters  of  people,  deep.

Flowing  uphill  or  down  stream,


an  undercurrent  of  shuffling

a  swell  of  flowing  meat.

As  the  busy  bees  in  the  beehive,

the  antics  of Termites  on  the  anthill.


  
the  lonely   Ploughman's  drill,

all  of  life's  creatures,  in  a  Metropolis,

bind  the  individual,  by  one  solitary  thing,

The  ever  battle  to  survive,  work  the  Till.


        By  Holly  Barrett

What  we  say  in  a Tete -a -Tete,  we  never  say Face -to -face,

We  say  what  we  think,  the  other  person  wants  to  hear,

not  what  we  think  we  ought  to,

What  we  think,  is  usually  filled  with ,  fraught  too.


If  everybody  spoke,  what was on  their  mind,

******  would  become  so  common,

it  would  not  even  be  a  crime.

Divorce  even  cheaper, at  two  a  dime.


Acting  and  lies,  are  an  everyday  occurrence,  normal,  habitual,

No  need  of  rehearsals,  as  it's an  natural gift

  The  stage is  the  Street,  or   the  telephone  pitch,

a  job  interview,  or  a  tax  return.,  or  a  scheme  to  get  rich.


Gielgud  and  Olivier,  got  Oscars  for  what  ?

Doing  what  we  do,  since  we  left  the  Cot.

they  do it   nightly,  to  enhance  a  Shakespearian  plot,

We  do  it  daily,  so  as  not  to  get   caught.

   The  Truth,  the  whole  truth,

and  nothing  could  be  further  from  the  Truth.

My body is like a finely tuned Swiss Watch,

as opposed to a Swiss Army Knife,

which is multi purposed, and useful.

Any slight change of drug,and the watch,

will either go fast or slow down,

and revert back to the old ways,

of having to be wound up daily.


The dial says, ' Waterproof ' but,

water sneaks in through my ears, hence the wet brain.

The hands that juggled ' work and play '

never made Jack a dull boy,

they  dangle and hide in the caves of my Pants,

emerging to one important thing,

" Take out the ******* bin "


  I may be running early or late, it doesn't matter,

who cares, It's only five past 2018.

Holly Barrett

Bob Dylan lives across the road from me,

I see him every night,

His scraggy hair and lived in face.

illuminated by the street lights.


His tree top image is of Black & White,

like Che Guevara in full flight.

  Clustered leaves make hollowed out eyes,

a question eyebrow raised.


Two branch's drop to form a nose,

others crisscross , in jaws , to pose.

His Gypsy face , my mind's eye shows.

But soon that face will be no more.


As Autumnal winds begin to blow,

I wonder will he bloom again in Spring.  ?

or will this just be the end ?

The answer my friend, is blowing in the Wind.

The answer is blowing in the Wind.


  By Holly Barrett

With **** so big and a skirt too short,

I refused to sleep with her

Cós  she farts a lot,

Her voice was so seductive , on the Mobile phone



I threw out the dog, and gave the cat a bone,

but worse was to come, when she knocked on my door

I told the wife she was Latvian,

with a Septic big toe.


´´Thats really great to know, the next time

you think of ******* her,

put a sock on your ****

And a condum on her toe ´´.


Now i´ve learnt my lesson

I´ll stray no more.

I took the wife to Alicante

and the Latvian, to Tramore.

To mount an Elephant,

it is best to climb a tree,

and wait for one of them to Pass by,

I've done that in Ireland,

It's just one of those things ,

besides patience.

Maybe i picked the wrong tree.

I'm stupid  really, it's ****** well obvious.

It's a case of the Elephant in the room.


By Holly Barrett