' Good morning  Cat'
'Ah, Good morning , man'
' Tell me Cat, did you sleep well ' ?
'An absurd  question, me thinks,
what other way is there to sleep '

'We in humankind ,always have difficulty
in this department'
'Is that so'
'Well yes,we take medicine, pills to help
us sleep, if we're agitated, worried'
' Worried about what' ?

' Not being able to sleep'
'Anyway hows the weather outside
today Cat' ?
'The weather , does it change'  ?

'Of course it does, somedays its hot,
other days its cold, or raining,etc, etc.
'Gee,  I haven't noticed ,
' Do you take medicine for that too man' ?

' In fact, we do, they are called depression
tablets, they help us see only the sun
all the time .  Animals don't need  these
medicines, it is wasted on them , they
just don't have the brains to worry  about
lack of sleep or  depression'

' Yes, you have a valid point there ,man,
only a human being,
could come to that conclusion,
how dumb of me , to even question,
a brainy man like yourself ,
we animals have a lot to learn'

Holly Barrett  8/ 4/2020.

A moribund gent, with a  funeral face,

passed me by, in the cort'ege of a friend,

on his way to Boot Hill, the End.


"Billy Brass Handles, is busy again.".

he cried,  " A habit he can't seem to leave behind",

" He'll  need it for the next one",

Keeping you in mind , I opined.


"This cold and damp weather, is the Undertaker's friend,

a real  Bonanza , an ill wind "

" Doctors too "  he said with a smile,

" Their  mistakes are buried,

with the Patient's file".


The Moribund gent, has a valid point,

I know he is only an embalmer,

One of a kind,  But,

He knows who to preserve,

and who, to leave behind.


    By  Holly  Barrett


Michael Barrett

Full Flush
In the days of old,
when Knights were bold,
and toilet paper, was nay invented,
They wiped their ****, with blades of Grass,
and went away contented.

Holly Barrett

V


Instead of having rotten tomatoes thrown at him,
or being impeached , or having grapes,
put into his Wellingtons,
Donie Trump is to be Knighted,' Arise Sir Donald Trump'
  Knight of the Garter, he pulled up his socks ,
just in time.

In one of their first unofficial unpaid duties,
Prince Harry and 'Muggins' Markle will lay the blade,
of a reproduction Chinese sable,
on each side of Donald's  transfat padded shoulders,
and declare him ' Knight of the Garters'.

Sir Donald , will be humbled by the experience,
and ask Prince Harry, if he can keep the Chinese sable,
to use it on , Gretta Thunberg, the next time he meets her.

  Holly Barrett

There was a young man from Macroom,
who thought , he could fly on a broom,
He took flight in the night,
with a scream of delight, and,
  crash landed in a Hospital  Room .

By Michael Evergreen Holly Barrett

Norman Bates Versus Luke Kaemia
Inbox


She was living with Luke Kaemia, in a Council House in Bohemia,

beside a full grown blossom tree,

Every morning in the winter,she would take her car and venture,

to a little blood bank, down by the sea.


A German doctor called Psychosis,said her ailment was atrocious,

" Would she ever think of moving in with me "

She thanked him for the offer, and in a pique of proper said,

" I've been living with Luke Kaemia, since the day that we were wed,

we've had our ups and downs, our tantrums and our frowns,but,

I've never managed to kick him out of bed".


" Now really doctor Psychosis,  good God, Holy Moses,

that  ol prognosis, is only in your head "  I know it's hard to see,

but  please just listen to me,

" Shouldn't you be taking your own  dead Mother , back to bed ".


  By  Michael Holly Evergreen  Barrett

There was a young man, from Gdansk,
who went to Ireland, looking for Romance,
what he found on arrival, the girls were all tribal,
and fought , for  what was inside his Pants

  Michael Holly Evergreen Barrett

If people eat chocolate , and junk fast food,
other people who smoke cigarettes , with copious  Alcohol,
addicts of drugs , *** deviants,
and worse, people who are aficionado's ,
of the British Royal family.

Then these people should make a pact,
an arrangement , with, Public Health Services,
Not to bother them , when things go wrong,
and they will go wrong , and they will be a burdon on us,
    On the Public purse

I hope they believe in a God,
and he will look after them ,
Because we can't , the purse is closed ,
shut , zipped up , welded, bolted down .

Michael Holly Barrett

I' m surprised at the amount of people,
who know nothing at all about composting.
They  have no idea , what or what does not compost,
One neighbour said, ' Cartons and Iron' do not compost.

' Everything' I said,    composts, including ourselves,
this got a huge laugh,
Cemeteries all over the country,
are just composing fields, why else do we bury our dead,
If we didn't want them to compost,
We'd have put them into lead coffins.

They all thought I was hilarious,
' "Cartons, tin cans ,  bits of Iron,
clothes ,timber, will all compost,
faster than you can say , Kirk Douglas,
forget that last bit,
Only 'plastic' can live that long"

Holly EverGreen Barrett  2/ I /

A cryptic crossword lover,

who lived on a farm outside Tubber,

decided to commit suicide.

He'd do like no other.



Every morning , at the breakfast table,

he'd sing one verse ,to his puzzled wife Mabel.

" I walked away from the hanging tree, and my own true love....

" On the banks of the river, stood Running Bear.......

" Hang down your head Tom Dooley, hang down......


As his mental state became evermore  deranged,

his verses  too, became more strange.

One week before his planned final exit,

a note on his porridge he found, she texted.


  " I've taken the Costa Brava Plane, a Viva Espanya "

get your own ******* breakfast. mate ,

" A Viva  Espanya, a Viva Espanya "

" Don't wait up. I'll be late. a Viva Espanya "


      By Holly Barrett

his was very evident in 1939, when Germany started
another  World War, losing one wasn't enough for them
they were going full out for the Hat Trick,
the first half of the match , was going along nicely
for them, Until Rudolph Hess, was substituted for
losing his bearings,  and started playing for the opposing side,
he was eventually Red Carded, and sent to the dugout in Spandau,

Worse was to come when Captain A. ******, handled the ball,
before the penalty was taken, he turned on his own former team mates,
the Red Devils, the Russians,   His team went into the game
full of enthusiasm, and togged out in short sleeves , and shorts,
   The second half, they were frozen to death , with severe frost bite,
and what was left of them , ran off home in defeat.
  
Before the end came, Capt. A. Hitlers side were losing badly,
so the Captain decided to shoot the Ref, and the Ref
tried to shoot him , it was a stand off draw.

Captain A. ****** couldn't bear to see his team being annihilated,
so he ran downstairs to the underground dressing room,
and began ' Dribbling' like George Best, except George
only did it with his feet.

A year after ******'s team lost spectacularly,
at the Nuremberg Trials,
Goering and Hess, were once again,
selected as the top players.

Holly Barrett

Once upon a time , in the old , old world,
before we discovered a new Planet, that was human friendly,
and we abandoned , the spent out earth,
The old world folks , were addicted to synthetic drugs.

Alcohol that caused liver failure,
Fast food , that made them unable to walk,
Unknown women laid down with Movie moguls, monsters
Once know,by the public, denounced the mogul monsters,":<,Me Too **
and became even more famous, inspiring other women to follow suit.

Obesity became so acceptable, and normal,
that the world , slowed down, due to overweight,
spinning slowly , scientists  wrongly calculated,' Global Warming'
  The rush was on to find a new home,

The first arivee's to the new world planet,
were dubbed  by their Martian hosts,
  as the ones from,
    The Planet of the Vapes.

Holly Barrett   18 ' 1 ' 2020

Thu, 29 Nov,
to me

  Christmas is coming, and the retailers are getting fat,
another bonanza is in the making.
Christ's birthday , is neither this nor that.
The jingle jangle of the tills, is the sound of music,
to the wise men , of the Supermarket mills.
No stable diet,  No holding back, eat drink and be merry,
for tomorrow we'll do the same.
Go bless the Credit Union's assistance in the game.
May they long remain.
The wish list is under the Christmas tree,
Smart phones, screens & gadgets, War Games,
scenes of outdoor activities, for indoor children to see.
Thanks be to Christ, for providing the excuse to party
and  **** on food  and drink, for over two weeks.
Thanks be to the Credit Union, for supporting the poor,
with Gold, Frankenstein, and Myrrh .
And may all the Turkeys of this world, enjoy a Christmas dinner,
in the next world, with humans on the Christmas dinner plate.

BY Holly Barrett

" I just saw a car that had 9, 865 Pigeon ***** all over it,  the car pulled out  from under a tree in the car park ,  another driver patiently waited  before he then drove into the same  vacant spot "
      " The car was almost white , makes you wonder about the  driver who took it's place"   " Maybe he was colour blind or the car was  stolen "     " Especially as the large car park was half empty "