you look at yourself and see brown eyes

i see the muddy ground after the rain
our kids jumping in puddles with their yellow boots
making a brown mess in the living room

i see two cups of hot chocolate on a winter day
both of us slowly sipping on them
as we play my favorite board game

i see the beautiful dark wood floors
in the apartment we'll first rent together
and in the house we'll eventually buy

i see acorns and coffe beans
chocolate almonds with ice cream
cinnamon and rich brown satin
i see the brown eyes that appear in my dreams

you look at yourself and see brown eyes

i see the memories we have together
and the many more that will come

i see the gold your eyes reflect during a sunset

the same gold that pours from your soul

welcome to the summer of depression
of kneeling down by the toilet
trying to achieve unachievable perfection

eating is pointless

working out everyday
twice a day
three times
maybe i can finally pay for my crimes

the crime of eating a cookie
the crime of taking that last bite
the crime of pretending to be so happy

when i break down during the night

summer is gone
and i feel like so am i

i’m trying to get myself back together
piece by piece
bite by bite

but it’s okay
i’m good
i’m fine
i’ll eat my supper

i’ll be alright