It does not haunt me
how you stole a piece of me without consent

It does not replay in my head
your hands on my unwilling body

Rather, I'm plagued by the days,  the weeks, the years that follow

When I laugh at their jokes
After you bragged about your conquest

When I shrug my shoulders to my friends
and tell them it was mutual

When I sit at my parents dinner table
and pretend it didn't happen under their roof

When I meet a nice boy
But his touch gives me a panic attack
so he stops returning my calls

Know that I'm not haunted by the night you stole my peace
Know that you didn't ruin my night
you ruined all the nights after

The finish line it waits for you
So you waste no time strapping on your shoe

Not willing to even let the dust settle
you ignore in your shoe there's a pebble

Far in the distance
the sun and the rain live in coexistence

But in the path lies a bolder
and suddenly your blood runs colder

Worry begins to bubble
and your heart rate shows signs of trouble

Eyes locked ahead
even if the stress leaves you ridden in bed

We beg you to get a guide
and he tells you to look inside

The pebble in your shoe
is much bigger than the boulder you must move

You'll get to the finish line
but only if you take it one step at a time

I think I'm under medicated
so I stay sedated in my sleep
and in the chocolate that I eat

I stay away from alcohol
what was a fuel is now a poison

And all around me they slur words
what I'd give to sing along

I'll take your hangover
if you take my bed
Three days crying is bad for your head

I'm fighting hard to stay on track
but this track is a circle and now I'm back

What's worst of all is it took control
I feel helpless but not alone

I thought my mind was on my side
but I feel lost when it's in drive

Fighting mind with mind
Fighting mind with medicine
to both I will stay dedicated

But I think I'm under medicated

If I was strong enough to hold you
I'm not sure that I would
I think I'd use my strength and pack my bags
and get the hell out of this place

I'm scared of your sad eyes
what if they leak in public?

Im scared of what's in your mind
I know I cant understand it

If I was patient enough to comfort you
I'm not sure that I would
I think I'd leave you in your bed
and go jumping in the rain

I'm afraid I'll see your demons
and won't put up a convincing fight

I'm afraid I'll wear away
if I lay by you all night

If I was wise enough to fix you
well Im not sure anyone could
But worst of all I don't think I'd try
I'm afraid of you thats all

So I'll stare from a distance
It'll all get better soon

If I don't believe in Him
Can I still believe in you?
To fill my life with a watching eye
To protect my mom
and to hold grandma's heart when she feels alone
Can I pretend the circle of life
doesn't just roll along without intent
And that you spirit shines forever
I'm not sure that I believe its fair
and not sure it goes on past this end
but your words, your blood, your strength
lives on with us all
Rest in peace, Grandpa