Falling deep into the emptiness of space

Worthlessness
loneliness miss guided and missed placed

A sinking feeling a cold shiver
A life time of tears float within one river

Darkness and sorrow a feeling so hollow

The bitter sweetness of life but no dreams  to follow

Lives ruined hearts crushed

A whirl pool of pain continued to be flushed

A broken soul that tries to mend

A shattered heart that fears the end

A battered body a soulless  smile

A mountain filled with sadness
That  stretches over a mile

My heart that once loved
Has been corrupted by hate

My  world has been left in a darkened state

A brewing storm that's  on the rise
To cover up my guilt to hide all my lies

The mist setting in my shield of cover

The thickening of the air as I continue to smother

Stuck  on  an endless cycle that continues to go round

******* with my demons
I'm emotionly bound

This viscous cycle of self destruction

A broken spirit that can no longer function

A tainted young soul that can no longer cope

A mind so brittle Its lost all hope

Standing on the edge ready to let go

The pain this girl felt no one should ever know

I am so lost and there's not a road that leads back
I continued down a dark path  constantly veering  of the track.
I kept walking through the darkness leaving broken pieces of me behind
A trail of bread crums that no one will ever find
Stumbling through the shawdows
Making all the same mistakes
Tumbling round and round until my sanity finally breaks
I have reached a destination but my mind has taken its toll
I met so many demons they finally tainted my soul
Im at a cross roads i hault and stand still
I no longer have the energy no strengh Nor the will
I fall down to my knees and place my hands over my head
I relise im just a empty vessle because inside i am dead

I want you to relise the bad choices you made
If you didn't treat me so wrong i would have stayed
I was deep in love but your true colours started to show
Manipulation was your invitation and making me feel so  low
You wanted the power and everything your own way
I started to see the darkness your love for me fade away
You held yourself up high
you throught your hold on me was strong
So self centered and in denile
you couldnt see you were  in the wrong
I grew tired of the lies
sick of all the games
Being used and abused and you calling me names
You just wanted me to be a slave
You wanted me to obey
But i started to notice you would belittling me
In everything you would say
You wanted to be a king
I wanted to be your queen
Not a loyal peasant
That you could demean
I wanted your love not a broken heart
But you must of had cruel intentions
set from the start

I cover you up and hide You beneath
As ugly as you are were my Only release
But now you cause shame and make me  insecure
You cover a body that was once  soft and  pure
Its like looking at a map a road from the past
Written in blood those scars will forever last
You show the emotions of the pain that i  hold
You unmask clues
my deepest secrets that werent told
You cause me  more suffering
but even more regret
Because You remind me of the pain
that i just want to  forget

I dont want to live yet i dont want to die
I cant seem to laugh i cant seem to cry
Its like my life has paused only time is only going By
How can i be alive but feel so dead
Emotions but emptyness running through my head
Im just waiting for the end but still continue to hold onto hope
I keep climing every hill but fall with every  *****
I pick myself up but constantly falling back down
I suddenly feel a smile things start to turn around
Changing so quickly my smiles lost within my frown
I start to climb again but stumble down and fall
Deppression starts to set in
Hope is no more
Surrounding myself with a 50 foot wall

You ****** me in you made me feel i could live again.  
I played the fool thinking i could trust another man.
But you played the cards and you played the so well i couldnt see that i was loosing myself.
I was so blinded By your lies and your charm i failed to see you were causing me harm
You grabbed my hand and lead me astray taking me down a path where i lost my way
You left me so lost my mind so confused youve darkend my soul that was already bruised

How could i be such a fool to love  someone as selfish as you
How could i follow you down a track where i couldnt find my way back
How could i loose everything  relying on chance
hypnotized By love i was stuck in a trance
How could you be so sadistic so deceiving and so cruel
To treat a women like that and then play the victim the fool

You flamed my heart with promises and lies you got the fire burning but the fire always dies
I got in too deep and relised there's no where to turn
So i followed you deeper into the pitts and you left me there to burn.
My life turned to ashes my soul turned to dust
My head fried in pieces my heart turned to rust.

All I  ever known was misery and betrayal , used and abused and destined to fail.
I didn't have faith I felt no hope struggling with the pain I could barely cope.
I had no one that cared and no where to go,  stuck in a wirl pool sinking deeper below .
I sunk to a point where I just wanted to die,  flooded with so much pain I had little tears left to cry.
I would cry myself to sleep praying for god to take me.  To get me out of this place so I could be free.
But he didn't listen I continued to fall fragile and scared I couldn't cope no more.  
I begged my mother for help but she didn't seem to care.  
I was a waste of time which she didn't want to spare.
I would barricate myself in my room
And hide under my bed.  All the messed up visions running through my head.  
For I new what was coming but I still tried to hide.
Then would come the blackmail I had to abide.
My memories still haunt me to this day.  That feeling of fear will never fade away.
And of course it didn't stop there abuse after abuse I started not to care.
I started to think I deserve to be punished,  but what for
Maybe I deserved this from the life I lived before.
I couldn't understand why I had  to go through this pain.
Years after years different men but the same.
I thought it would never end I thought I was too blame.
So I thought maybe death is the only way.  So I started cutting getting deeper and deeper every day.  I started noticing it was taking the pain away.
But then it became a normal habit my heart could no longer mend
So I swallowed packets of pills thinking this has to come to an end.

Cant stop shaking
My heart is breaking
Cant seem to find
What i left behind
Cant seem to cry
Because Love is a lie
How to know whats real
When you no longer feel
How to cope with pain
When theres so much
To drain
How to be happy when your alway sad
How can i be cranky when im sick of being mad
How to get up when im always falling down
How to hold someone close
When there's no ones around
How to feel  love without making another mistake
How Do i keep my heart together when its shattered and ready to break

The past holds fear, pain, and alot of regret .
Some of these memories i will never forget.

I will never forget the pain i once held
I will never forget the fear my soul yelled
I will never live down the regret that my mind has dwelled
But how do we overcome the fear pain and all the regret.

When peple never change lies stay the same and people never forget.

I see a little girl
Torchered throughout her years

Frightened and scared
Trying to hide her tears

For what she went through was so terrible and wrong

She hides the pain inside
And tries to carry on

As she gets older she continues to re live her past

Over and over
how long can this last

She feels so much pain she can't control

She is dying inside the pain is swallowing her whole

She  feels the pain no matter how hard she tries

She covers up the hurt with her sad smile and lies

She feels so imploded with such horrors to hide

She's a ticking time bomb her soul is being fried

She's holding so much pain she has to release

She starts slashing with a razor she starts to feel some peace

The more pain she felt the deeper she would go

No one could help this girl from feeling so low

She tries to see happiness she gets a little glance

But her emotions explode she no longer feels she has a chance

She picks up a bottle to drain away  her past

Instead she drains the bottle she looses control so fast

She spins and she spirals the feeling of despair

The self hate the torcher it's too much to bare

She's wants an exit she wants a way out

To Stop this feeling  of being  worthless to stop all her dought

She wakes up in the hospital feeling hopeless ****** and bruised

she tries to make sense of what happened her mind so confused

She tries to have faith that she can overcome her past

But with every drunken attempt it could be her last.

The more sadness the more sorrow
The deeper the mind will bellow
Mind racing feet pacing
The soul becomes hollow
Heart pumping mind jumping
To many emotions to follow
Overthinking feet are sinking
Digging a larger burrow.

There is no light only darkness and despair
Nothing to grasp
Nothing to hold
Everything is bare
My mind my world is spiralling around
Wave after wave it's all crashing down
****** into a whirlpool spinning round and round
Sadness misery my mind starts to drown
Take in some air take that last breath
Darkness creeping in it feels like death
Miles and miles of flooded space
Dying dying dead in its place
The coldness the emptiness there is no more
Knocking and knocking waiting at deaths door