I grind my teeth when I sleep,
Not because it's a habit,
Or because I sleep 'funny'.
It's because when I sleep
And retreat into my imagination,
Everything I have locked away
Comes out to play.

So when I sleep,
You're there again...alive,
But I have to watch it all again,
I have to relive that pain.

So when I sleep,
She isn't here anymore.
She's with him
And she's finally happy.

When I sleep,
I'm slowly dying,
The pain unbelievable
And impossible to describe.

I don't wake up screaming,
Or writhe about when I sleep,
But I grind my teeth,
I wake up in pain.
You can call them nightmares I guess.
But they're my night terrors.

Nothing I do is right,
Even when I write,
This black ink
Corrupts the white paper.

My eyes glazed over,
Words fly like bullets,
But I don't feel them.

The artillery raining down around me,
But all I see is...nothing and...all of it,
It's hard to explain.

My minds jumbled,
I know something isn't right,
But I can't break this.
My 1000 yard stare.

It's scary,
The more I think about it,
The more it makes sense.
Maybe it is the only way out.
Maybe.

My mind is screaming at me,
As my eyes overflow with tears,
All alone in my dark room,
Music the only sound prevailing.

Maybe it's time I give in,
It isn't about having the strength to do it anymore,
It's about having strength to carry on.

But I've always been weak.

I
Wait for Another Negative Thought
To Overpower me
but Does It Even matter?

But I can't stop thinking that,
I just...

Maybe that message,
Is the last one we'll ever send,
Maybe them last words,
Are the last we'll ever see.

Because these hours alone,
Thinking more than I should,
Unable to stop,
Will be the end of me

What would you do if you knew,
That when you left,
I stop.

I stop being the confident one you love,
I stop being the happy guy you know,
I stop being a good person.

I guess we'll never know.
Because I'd never admit that,
I'm too proud,
I want to be perfect,
So when I'm alone,
Everything breaks down,
My mask,
My fake smile,
My confidence.
Me.

I wish I was in a picture,
Because that version of me is happy,
He's similing.

I wish that I was in a picture,
Because that version of me has no future,
He's care free.

I wish I was in a picture,
Because that version of me isn't scared,
He's confident.

I wish I was in a picture,
Because that version of me isn't insecure,
He has no worries.

I wish I was in a picture,
I wish I lived in one moment forever,
Rather than having my sadness,
Rather than having my worries,
Rather than having my fear,
Rather than having my insecurity.

You'd prefer me like that too.
Maybe I could feel like I was enough then.