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99 · Feb 2019
Why?
Anjana nair Feb 2019
Am i not good enough?
I know that flickery flickery candles can last longer than my love for myself,
But is that why i am not good enough?
Is that why i drag a poem out of every wrong mouth,
Thinking that the mouths can feast on my words instead
Is that why the long chain of forced out words becomes the one that youd use to tie the loose ends of your worn out bag,
So that no one should really see it?
Why is my chain not a fashion accessory, but merely any accessory
Why did i tie wrap the chain around my heart and along my neck
That each heartbeat would bring a deep scar along my throat
What is it that went wrong?
My body? You say that now
That i don't fit into tight fit clothes of your gifted mind
Or, i'll wear them in your demon minds, but not in reality.
What do you know about drugs layering my body each day?
Why is this not good enough?
Is that because ive not let you see me inside out?
Why is it that i feel invisible?
Why is that my drowned self is being pushed down,
Till i am drained of all the life
And then, i am cold and blue?
Yes, i am cold and blue
And is that not good enough?
86 · Feb 2019
Untitled
Anjana nair Feb 2019
Throw me,
Throw me in, push me in
Not afraid to jump, water is a scary word.
I stand there, toes between rocks
Dread sweat feels the moss
Body shaking, not because it's freezing
The only light around, reflection of the moon, the stars faded tonight.
And there you stand, by my side
Crying aloud, you want me to stay
You grace my hair, mutilated skin
Hoping warmth of your touch, would defy my thoughts
I still stand up, fretting legs against the rocks
You hug me tight, pull me back.
And we collaspe to the floor, sit there
Skin on skin, as i tell you,
You should let me go
As i tell you, how i am unworthy of love
As i tell you, i cant exist
As i tell you, humans are demons and life isnt for everyone
You hug me tighter, watching the coldness spread through every inch of my veins
I hold your hands again for a last time
And say
"Dont pull me out, if i try hard for a gasp of air
Dont hold on to the tip of my long hair, as you see me cover in blue and more blue
And when you cannot see anymore whirls of black in the water
Thats me, gone
Gone for good"
And there, before i make that leap,
I feel a force on my back
A tender, warm force
The last human touch before i let,
The hands of the water devour my body. My pain.

— The End —