I'm writing this letter because this is where it ends.
I have to say goodbye to my lover and my best friend.
For the past 18 years you have consumed my life
Because of you I couldn't be a mother or a wife.
I missed out on so many things that were important to the ones I love,
But none of it mattered because ****,  you were my drug.
Where has the years gone, only God knows,
Mostly I can't remember, only the time shows.
My children really need me and its time to take control,
I want my life back, its not worth one more blow.
So this is where we part our ways,  I must stay on track.
Goodbye to ****,  I'm never looking back.

My addiction showed me happiness, joy and love. It warmed my heart as it burned thru my soul. Finally I felt complete confidence and drive to keep moving thru this humdrum life.
What made me so happy has made me this lost and empty shell that I am today. Hazy days turned into endless nights turned into 18 years of aimlessly wondering,  trying to find my way in this life. A big part of my life gone and its all a blur. Memories and moments I'll never get back.  Waisted time on a waisted life waisting space in this rather pointless life.
Please take all my doubts and fears and replace them with faith and courage to have the strength and knowledge to make the needed changes. Show me my purpose, why am I still continuing to stumble on day after day in this world they call life?  
I'm still here because you have chosen me. But for what? I need to know,  my soul longs to see.

Follow your dreams,

To achieve your goals,

To make your own destiny,

To find your own paradise.

All alone, in this room, I sit and think of days gone by,
This causes pain in my chest, and a tear slowly  escapes my eye.
I can't help but wonder, where has my time gone?
And how much life do I have left, until God calls me home?
I cling to the few memories that I can actually recall,
And wonder why there are so many more that I can't remember at all.
Full of hardships and struggles that's the path I have chose.
Controlled by demons that's the way my life goes.
Instead of living by faith and worship to be a better mother and wife,
All of my yesterdays and today's gone, within the blink of an eye.
Will I be able to cherish the tomorrow's without looking back and starting to cry?
Please Lord will you ease this pain of my yesterdays gone by?