some get too many thoughts all at once
overwhelmed and psychotic
others got no thoughts of their own
brainwashed and idiotic
doing and saying what they see and hear in frames
from supposed challenges to made up games
forcing everyone to sign their ******* waivers
and calling them favours
only a few minds still remain raw
the rest have been turned to straw
mostly they've been cooked and even overcooked
their actual beings and selves overlooked
one can't make their own recipes no more
exploiters added the spices and stuff they wanted
it ain't even their dish, so what for?
just messing up with the insides and the core
leaving them with melted gelato for brains
no ways of going their own ways
no cars no busses no trains or planes
stuck in another person's path, they can't change lanes
they're trying their best to lead their own ways
but they confiscated their reins
filled them with irrational fears and paralyzing strains
added even more heavy loads, weighing em down with chains
they be trying to start of clean but cant wash off the stains
things might settle for a second but they gon send em hurricanes
once they think they've forgotten, they'll remind em of the pains

what i say and what i do
ain't got nothing to do with you
how i play and with who
don't interfere, it ain't you
what i fix and what i tear
i'm not the one waiting for a life to spare
how i dress and what i wear
or whether or not my skin is bare
however i choose to grow or cut my hair
it's not your concern, even if i'm tanned or fair
braided or not
chopped or not
even or not
bald and with a spot
imma have it my way
do as i say
it might come to you as a shock
but ******, Simon makes the rules
go hide under your rock
you and the rest of them fools
also medusa's gonna turn you to stone
then ull be shattered and with the wind blown

They say never look yourself in the mirror, when you are in a dream
They say if you do, you’ll scream
But how can we tell which is reality and which is not?
We try to look for clues or ways for us to tell
But we can’t even tell apart a feeling and a thought
Or what wars we might have fought
Or what we might have learned or taught
We don’t see ourselves the way others see us
Many times, our minds have fooled us
Our subconsciousness overruled us
Hiding truths and misleading us
And constant gnarly lies feeding us
Are we foes?
Are we ever going to understand how it is and how it goes?
There are so many questions but only God truly knows
We stand starring at mirrors
So many of them, all sizes and shapes
Fixing hair tucking in clothes
Looking at wrinkles, pimples, scares and scrapes
But none of them can show us the insides!
If only we can see what is within so clearly
If only we could truly understand what its really like in our minds
And invest our time in fixing what we can
Mirror makers… doesn’t it sound like a plan?

Driven by fear he attempt to commit to it
But he’s unsure he shudders and stutters
then thinks aloud again “is it the right choice”
He’s astute enough to know that this currently seems like an appropriate option
But what about later
what about then
what about when there is no one left but you
how will you cope then
how will you deal with stuff
he takes deep breaths
and holds them for five seconds
listens to his heart beats
as they regulate and adjust
he is no longer frail or brittle
His limbs stiffen
and so do his privates
his voice steady and firm
The fear is gone
replaced by desire
He managed to convince himself
that this is what he has always wanted
what he currently and surly wants
and what he has been longing for
This whole process is no big deal
he does this kind of **** often
and just lies to himself until the actual truth no longer seems plausible
But it is when the authentic veracity fades and seizes to exist
and when the lie becomes all there is
its self-destruction its only that
Perhaps he can change what his conscious perceives to be tru
But the sub and un conscious is merely untouchable it has a cognition of its own
But its not now that somewhat concerns him
cz he still knows that it was self-composed
with time passage it won’t be like that anymore
he might be too dead to regret it

To punish someone
Simply let them live

To punish someone who loves you
Let them live without you

You shall suffer for a bit
But knowing they are internally dying
****, freal that'll be lit

Life on it own is a handful
We need others to help lighten the weights
It's fine if u take advantage of them
But u need to be smart about it and choose the individuals and baits
The only proper sleep I'm getting is in REM
regardless of the prosecution and kidnap dreams
Days and nights I stay awake it seems
Locked up in my mind not scrolling thru lame meems

I am like a male gymnast
Everything hits the groin specially the beams

we try our best to change the ****
to stop the ****
or at least to cut down
we cant help it tho
it can adjust about every frown

as it turns out **** can change us
to better and to worst too
there's a dilemma, a current struggle
honestly, its all just a huge fuss
but more like a mildly muddy puddle

i write all this and share it here
since there is no other place
for if others found out id fear
punishment, concurrences, and more
i cant leave a trace

i am in some sort of pit or hill
stuck below or above
it sorta depends on the power of will
its either that or the other no in between

**** helped a lot to some extent
yet made some things worse
it got harder and harder to deal with life
i'm currently reconsidering searching for a provider, a source

it was all too hard
getting my brain to function
getting rid of tension
getting my emotions involved
it sure was a struggle to eat
and to interact with the people i meet

for those of u who know and understand
i'd rather dissociate and float than remain on land
perhaps you can relate
but the thing is now
i gotta figure this out somehow

sure people on the spectrum are more likely to get psychosis
with OCD and TTM
yea whatever its a confirmed diagnosis

i realised tho that **** actually helped for a while
it got my stress and anxiety down
ya i know this isn't much of a poem, its another style
but there's nowhere to share but here
that's how i initially began typing
ill keep trying and fighting

so here it comes
the question that lingers
it has to do with my thumbs and fingers

can i stop or can i not?
do i start **** again or do i not?
will it help me or will it not?
will the whole thing be eventually worth it or will it not?

idk i am yet to decide

WAR
"Wasn't at all expected"
"Bombs and gunshots"
"Corpses and injured"
"Civilians and soldiers"
"Dead and missing"
LOST
"It can't be , u have nowhere to go"
"Might seem unfamiliar but this might be it"
"Surroundings so different"
"This isn't it, nothing's the same"
"Trying to find my way"
"Destination unknown"
"Looking for a way back to the beginning"
"I look back and find nothing"
"This can't be it"
"Where have I started"
"I'm giving up I'm going back"
"Back to where I do not know"
HOME
"No longer the same"
"Destruction behind"
"Destruction ahead"
"There is no home"
"Well not for me at least"
"Someone else has it now"
It's someone eles' home"

The palace of souls
Empty
but yet full
We see nothing
But sense everything
So much space to run
Can barely breath in and out
Nothing is visual
But everything is sensible
Bodies roam freely
Thoughts are compressed
A feeling so casual
A feeling like no other
It's so enlightening
yet is an absolute bother
A stage above all
A stage below levels
A place u rise do not fall
A place with angels and devils
Rageing and calm
As soothing as a palm
So easy to comprehend
So easy to wander upon and never to return
Is it a place
It is a thought
Is it existence
Is it extinction
Is it anything at all
Is it anyone at all
Is it all together at once
Is it nothing at all
Is it even an IT
what is to be done
What has been done
Nothing
Everything
Anything

I'd rather not at all love and feel
Than have to live with my love and conceal
To u, my love I will reveal
But I can't promise I'll be with u, we don't have a deal
I love me, I love u, that we both know
But still we can't let our love to others show
We must hide it as best we can
I can't promise but I'll try to be ur man
I'll always suffer because of u
I think u hope u've never met me too
It alright if u feel that way I'll understand
I always wish I could hold ur hand
And we'd run together along my beach's warm sand
I can't say I need some space
Or I don't longer wanna see ur face
Cz that I have never really done
All u are is an inner piece of me
And when i die so will u
Because u aren't true
I was so lost I was so blind
Until u were created by my mind
U are not at all real, u are fake
But yet u are so important without u I'd break
Without u my life is at stake
Plz help me for God's sake
From my sadness I say release me
But in to more madness u seize me

The emotions I'm  getting now are so mixed
I don't know if they r ever going to heel and get fixed
My heart is not yet broken
In to prices or even stroken
Who I dream of I hear about and see
And how I want to know about or meet
Doesn't even seem to know a thing about me
Only If there wasn't ground below my feet
I would of continued falling
And no one would of herd me calling

The tears are gradually rolling of my cheek
My voice is uttering I can not speak
And meenwile about my life I haven't even had a glimpse of a peek
I am trying to seek
A place of refuge
A place where my feelings would never leek
A place where I'd never feel week

I would just want to go
To a place that no one would know
A place where non of my real emotions would show

They say emotions I don't feel
Somehow my hard surface coat they are beginning to peel
The scars I had still refuse to heel
That's why to my self I still kneel

I try and try to put up with my self
But I'm way too complicated for me to get
And when ever I try to get me I end up getting soaked and wet
I am one of the people that I have never met
Some things I don't even ask cz I know i wouldn't let
This might be weird but the only thing that could possibly help me would me a pet
Or maybe watching the sun rise and set

I sit
And I stay
I watch
And I lay
As I heard that day
The news that u passed away
I didn't wink
Or even blink
I thought I was dreaming
And I looked for tink
All the memories of u were weeded in ink
And my sole of pink
Became a blackhole, a sink
I still to this day think
Of all that has happened between us and I try to link
The memory of us together
But I can't Cz I thought we'd last forever
U were simply like a pice of my liver
I never thought that there'll come a day when I'll see u never
I am about to die
Because u have died
the promises we had u betrayed
U left me here alone and scared
I will follow u where ever u go
Even thought where u are I'll never know
I'd follow u even thought

Him: I am sorry ma'am
For u have dropped this
I apologize you are a miss
For I am sorry I called u a ma'am
   (I thought to my self, look at her *******)
Her: She said this isn't mine, is this some kind of spam
Him: No it is not miss
for I have seen u drop this
Her: This is certainly not mine, she said,
Leave me to be, now u can dismiss
Him: Excuse me miss
for I do not work here
Her: U are excused, so now get out of here
Him: What have I done but only tried to be kind
Is there a problem with that, do u even mind
I thought I was helping u by giving u something u would have looked hard to find
But yet somehow u repay me by cruelness, u a person I do not know
And by that I don't care about u so
Leave it there on the floor if u wish
Someone else will probably find it
And then let's see if u mind it
HAS ANYONE SEEN A BLUE VELVIT SCARF
FOR IT HAS BEEN STOLLEN
FROM ME BY AN AWFUL DWARF
Him: I see the scarf there on the floor, out loud i said
Her: Then she looked at me and hit her head
Like of disappointment and unacceptancy
A tall giant man then came to me
Grabbed me by the collar and scolded me
As if it was me he was blaming
for his anger and it's flaming
And for the taken scarf he was claiming
I had stopped him at once
And told him I am not foolish and do not do stunts
For I know no female to give this scarf to
Or even would have dared to mess with u
For I have seen the escaping female
I have seen every detail
I could describe her for u if u like
But only if u promised me,  she u won't strike
I said, I think that she got on a bike
HAVE U REALLY SEEN THAT OR R U A PYSCH
No I said I am certainly sure
       Im ashamed indeed for that snitchneds I have done, as it was her I wanted to allure
But then again I was grabbed by the collar
But this time it was a person smaller
Him: I said, I have done it because it was u I wanted to find
I felt, with u by my side ,sighted not blind
Her: I apologize
For I have once said lies
As it was truly me
Who has taken it and didn't fast enough flee
Because I bumped into u
What I am saying now is true
Him: And what u have heard before was true
I really don't have someone to take the scarf to
But Will u be her?
For if I could afford it, I'd by u fur
Her: She said, I don't know what I might prefer
To be with u thief, or that Rich man standing there
But with him life would most certainly be a blur
So I would definitely choose u wherever nd whom even u were

U took off ur clothes
Suddenly
In the middle of the night
U told me u were cold
and that u had a deep fright
Of what was coming to get u  
While u were asleep
U just stared right at me and started to weep
U asked me what was going on
I like u, had no idea, u were right
I don't even know who u are
Or how u got here it's so far
The look in ur eyes
Made my heart melt not freeze like ice
For I was too
Once left like you
We can now relate
For the fact that I now know u is great
I did not love u at first sight
But yet I loved u and knew I was right
I missed the feeling
Which made me revealing
I missed the feeling
Which helped my heeling
A prisoner I must say that I am
Who is now hoping ur love isn't a scam
I am now a person in love
A person in love with u my dove
For if u were ever shot with an arrow
Then that love I would always have for u would turn to sorrow
And next to u in this narrow
Grave I will lay

They've been crying so much it's like they blink tears
Rolling down their faces
all the way to their ears
Cz of what
They know not
Could it be fears
Of existence
Or asking for assistance

Transparent liquid
Out of their eyes
Dry eyes now
Red eyes now
Stop them
HOW?

Transparent liquid
Still in em eyes
Moisturizing droplets
Like tempting chocolates
Keep them
HOW?

Blink or do not
Won't make a difference
End it all now
"Gun Shot!!"
That's it it's over
   .      .      .

You Talk too much
"Check what I found!!"
Move way wayy back
"Don't Make A Sound"

You yell
You scream
"A lie
A scheme"

Get lost
Get away
Life's not white or black
Just grey

It will pass it shall
It is what it is

Calm down pal
It's alright just chill

Body temperature rising
Heat nd fire builds up
It's all synchronizing
Watch out heads up

U saw it coming
U knew it'll happen
Calm urself down
Abit more till u drow

Succumb to their wishes
Obey their demands
Dress up nd role over
Perform their commands
Be quiet and listen
Do u understand?
Act or fake it
Just shake the **** hand

Smile
Wave
Live in a cave
Away from all ppl
Do not be their slave

Ur not in a cage
Just stuck on a stage
Preforming the acts ur told
Ur not completely bold

Deliberately falling
Constantly stalling

Isolated indeed
Elsewhere attached
Somehow freed
Chick just hatched
Ignorant as ever
Pretending to be clever

Precaution advised
Lifetime ahead
Something revised
Yet u are dead

Ask for
Redemption
Receive no exemption

Satisfaction obscured
Resistance assured
Yap I'm *******

Growth all over
Malignant, benign?
Makes no difference
This life isn't mine

Concealing truthfulness
Overwhelmed by dreadfulness

Brightened past
Inspected expectedly
Nothing bright about it
Accepted rhetorically

Complaining all over  
Demanding closure
Contemplating scars
A world of cigars

Brilliant circumstances  
Or so they say
Thoroughly examined
Yet ****** me up day by day

Transparently seeking
Truth, its demanding
Reluctantly speaking
Truth, is outstanding

Strands and threads of hope
No it's just one, and mirrors
It's doubling, tripling nd more
Fake and false, an excuse for war

Confetti in a balloon
Released to the moon
Wishing for light to shine over
To find me that clover

A sack of ribbons
Dropping like a ****
Hitting the pavement
Like an overweight man's ***
Blown over with the wind
Flowing thru the street
There's a cool sound to that happening
What an awesome beat

I might sound trippy
I may seem cold
Do I even listen
To whatever I'm told

Go on
Move on
It's over
Or, almost over
Close enough tho
Ud be satisfied
Or so ud say
Who would know tho?
If it weren't for u
It won't show tho
That u knew


The beginning

Took ages to brain storm
Even longer to prepare
Should it be in a dorm
Or at the fun fair
A clown or magician to preform
Or a game of truth or dare
For the Birthday
Both balloons and cake
Or something elegant by the lake
For the Wedding
Invite neighbors, family or neither
Perhaps all we need is a church and preacher
For the Funeral
Greyscale or colorful
Face pale or dress in wool
Rap, jazz, classical or non
Gifts give aways or whomever won
Confusion
Dilution
Once clarified
I'd be satisfied
But till now prospective matters
"**** it bad luck"
Mirror shatters
Who'll plan
Not me I won't
What a surprise it'll be
Won't be much u'll see
Lame and boring af for sure
None of this makes sense u need a cure
Yaay I'll go back the the asylum
Where all these r one

U ask me a question
Although U know I have no answer
Then u ask me another
Of which u don't want an answer
and of me u don't wanna hear an utter
Somehow u still ask again
And get silence with no answer
Ull get upset cz u got no answer

Is it a game we r playing
How would I know, when u'd want to here of me a saying
Ur always unclear
Do I have to guess
Of that u know I fear
I don't understand
Do u or don't u want me to obey ur command
To me u must explain
Cz The thought of u not knowing me causes more pain
Than loving u and getting no gain

Now tell me is it true what they said
Towards me the feelings u once had r now dead
Indeed u have changed
From better to worse
And it's me u have blamed
I have done nothing to deserve to live that way
But yet I choose to stay

I can't live without u and that I hope u still know

Q: Do u not nave feelings for me or do u just not want them to show
Plz tell me the truth
Tell me all that u know and can
For without u I am a lost man

A: Even though
U say ur answer is no
U must have known that this question I asked
Should have been answered by silence

As I begin to understand u
U forget who u have been
It is this illnes blocking ur memory from every thing u have ever seen
Flashbacks are what I get of u
For before this invasion was the perfect version of u
U forget me and forget u
And every situation we have ever been through

Not knowing who I am
And having to constantly remind u i am and will always forever be ur man

Will always be upsetting
But to u I'll always be forgiving
For it is not ur fault u keep forgetting
Hugging me sometimes like its the first time ever
Is what keeps me from leaving u never

The love I have for u is deep
But now since u see me as a stranger I weep
But yet I will never leave u alone
I'll always be by ur side
Even thought ud never notice if I died

U told me nothing but lies and lies
And every now and then a new awful surprise
But yet I gave u many chances despite
U were the one I despise
The fact that every time I saw her I got butterflies
U took the things I bought, most of the supplies
And would always give an excuse when it was OUR time to exercise
I think it was she, who u truly wanted, the real prize
But u have played me for no reason and didn't apologize
I don't need any thing from u anymore u have made me hate the sunrise
cause every time I see it I begin to recognize
That I was stupid and in disguise
I think I was simply trapped by ur eyes
And just wouldn't and couldn't realize
Now that ur gone time flies and flies
But I know that my decision was wise
Although I still look for clothes ur size
But then return them back and begin to organize
My toughts and rearrange my goodbyes
But then again I sometimes start to visualize
The two of us together reunited in the skies

I started to feel like I began to raise
I'll try to explain myself in different ways
So ud understand how I got in to this phase
I looked up and began to gaze
At the sky and sun as I felt it's hot rays
Shinning towards me and penetrating my skin, to my amaze

I don't recall what it was but I was repeating a phrase
It must of had something to do with  prays
But Yet I felt lost, as if in a maze  
Then I was floating in mid air because of the delays
and felt like my feet hadn't touched the ground in days
I released the ashes in the vase
And the soul was set free alas

When I remember our moments I smile
But luckily u haven't noticed it in a while
I look at u and I daydream
I imagine things that make me wanna scream
U don't understand
I don't understand
If only we'd both stand
In front of each other and explain
Rather than continuously complain
Then we would both be satisfied
With what ever answer was given for the rest our lives we would grind
I say a lot when ever u are not aware
But I become mute when ur present and there
I Cant tell u anything because I have nothing to say
I can't tell u anything cz u wouldnt understand it my way
I can't tell u not to leave because I  don't know why u should stay
I can't tell u why I love u because it dosent make sence how without u my life would be grey
I can't tell u anything because I know nothing for sure
All I know is that u are my cure

He tries
But says nothing but lies
He flies
But has never reached the skies
He cries
But tears never fills his eyes
He hears
But has disfigured, incomplete ears
He appears
But yet every now and then disappears
He fears
But has been killed by his own spears
He dies
AND there in his coffin alone he lies

It's not that I'm born, *******
It's Cz I like corn, *******
Maybe I can change, *******
But then that'd make me more strange, *******
"Smart and clever" I don't claim, *******
I don't even know my name, *******
I don't even bother hide, *******
Cz thats, *******
A useless deed, *******
Indeed
Repeating endlessly, *******
Non stop, *******
Silence,. *******
Is all I hear, *******
To my face, *******
It's said
Looking in a mirror, *******
What do I see, *******
But, *******
An image that brings terror, *******
Distance measured, *******
Fates pressured, *******
Knowledge
What do I know
I'm *******

CAUTION:
content includes rated language and is kinda mind f@king

•Sometimes i feel so useless
As if my mind is so blank and clean
Other times i feel useful
Yet usually, the most useless person ive seen
I dont get it why its this way it just changes from day to day
Simetimes i wake up and feel like i have no purpose
Others, i wake up and just go back to sleep
Thers is no sceduale the is no order
Days r passing, but we're the same, still not getting any older
I donk know
Where i am
Where i have been
Or where ill go
I just live life
The way life lives in me
It comes snd goes
How? When? and Why? No one knows
There is nothing u can really do but try to figure out, u r who?
U might make it u might not
Ull never know till time pases by
Dont just sit there, stare, and watch ur life go by
Do something, anything, just try
Try ur best and do what u can
* u can't drink soup from a pan
{pause}
* it isnt realted and dosent make sense at all
Well too bad thats life
U get up and u fall
* u know u can if u want to
* but u might burn if it was hot
{ there was kind of a shift in charecter}
What the hell is going on
My mind is so messed up
More like ****** up
But no one can actually like literly **** my mind
Never mind
I dont even really get it
Im just so tierd and mind ******
It ****** me off when **** changes to duck
But still it kinda makes sence
Saying that im mind ducked
It dosent really
But neither does ******
So im probably both
Mind ****** and ducked
Im done
I think
I'll stop now
I think
My head is empty
I think
I cant really think
But still
I think
Ill stop thinking now
Il stop thinking bout thinking
Cz i cant think no more
Shut the **** up bro
I got no idea whats going on
I never do
I dont know why
I never know
TRANQUILO {it means (quiet, calm) in Spanish }

They have ****** among insults
Not knowing it's a blessing
They wanna make us responsible
Freal that **** is depressing
wanna make us average lame Adults
Truth be told we're disposable
No cause no effect
No effort no result
Blablabla and all that useless ****
We're pretty ****** up
Ya we need someone to consult

It's not that we were neglected
It didn't just happen that we're insane
We've been chosen and selected
It's all empty there in the place of a brain

Damaged goods
Cracked products
Unwanted results
Is what we r

We're not alone in this world
We've found more of us so far

We say "Caution distance advised"
They **** with us and act surprised

Ppl like plz *******
were being polite that for us is tough

At times I know im insane
Yet still question if I have a functioning brain
All my thoughts are forgotten they just go down the drain
What will I do when I'm old and with a cane
It's nice when I'm warm and I feel cold drops of rain
I can't control my subconscious to ignore the pain
Am I what they say
Am I sane?
I'm all ******* with a chain
But how is there no purpose nothing beneficial or gain
I'm all locked up Cz I crossed more than one lane
I'm about to die I punctured my vain
I am me I am she I am he I am we I am they i am us I am the main

The sun called the clouds to hide her light
All the creatures hid and disappeared from sight
The clouds began tearing for her loss I think
life still moves me on
As if she hasn't.        Gone
Were they tears of joy or misery?
I will never really know
She was murdered by an innocent they say
But it doesn't matter: she is dead my life is grey
They couldn't find the ****** weapon or knife
I know he killed my wife
His fate is now in my hands
I'll take my revenge
I'll cut him to prices and dump him on different lands
This is my official confession
I am a patient with depression:

They say chill
They say calm down
They say it as if it's something easy
As if it's not they who are about to drown
They did lots of ****
But none of it really mattered
They did lots of ****
But every little thing could make them shattered
They ask for things that don't exist
They ask questions with no answers
They ask and they must not answer must resist
They live their lives
Yet they do not
They are physically alive
But mentally on ***
Hours days and years pass by
They say they wanna change but do they even try?
It's like their lives are fixed and can't be changed
But why would they even try?
They know they hate change
"Uselessly important" that's what they always say
They say that bout all **** every singe day
But is there such a thing
(Note to self) ignore all **** and just pray
Let's go back to them
The they we don't know about
The they all lives circle about
The they who use to be us
But then we stopped existing
And our lives became a fuss
Let's just go back
Back to where ?
Back to when?
We do not know
Nm
Or
Nvm
Never mind all that ****
Let's not go back
Ever
Let's just stay right where we r
They say live the moment
We try
But do not always succeed
They say find ur peace of mind
We tried
But haven't yet succeeded
Do they who tell us what to do ,do it?
Do they who tell us how to live, live ?
Do they who talk about the peace in ones mind, have it?
Peace of mind
Or just
Piece of mind
Doesn't matter at all
But it really does
We now know what we and they have
What we've all got is just a piece of a mind

Tears running
Nose running
Time running
Feet running
Heart running

When one stops
The others don't

Water running
Engine running
Time running
Excuses running
Energy running

life's STILL RUNNING. from me. i'm STILL RUNNING. from life.

I try
I try so hard to hide it
I know me, It can't be tru
Don't know who knows or if they do
I can do nothing
I dont even get it
It makes no sense
How can I not know me
**** man, that's intense  
Don't know no truth
And that's how it'll stay
I got nothing to tell no *****
To just stop the suffering
Imma pull the trigger
Might end up recovering

My life, to me, is an incomplete inscription
In which I'm constantly in a state of unconscious self-deception
It is that feeling of unexplainable depression
Which keeps me from my ultimate confession
I don't want to give u the right impression
Since u are now my latest obsession
It is because of ur possession
I am suffering from this chronic aggression
Sorry. This isn't really the correct expression
Turns out my madness is just a form of my illness’ progression

Is it a gift
A blessing
Or a curse
Perhaps a combination of all

Come back I want me
Wanting me isn't enough
Come back I need me
Needing me isn't enough
It's not something I can say
Not something I can prove  
Neither something I can explain
It's a feeling derived from within
I don't exist without me
Come back it's me I want
Come back it's me I need

I am me

I want me
I need me
I'm gone
I exist no more

I love you so much I would drain your blood
And replace mine with yours till we become one

If I draw so much blood out of you there is a chance you might die
But I love you so much I am willing to try

My blood and yours do not match
But my love is like a flame a fire a burning match

U’d be so beautiful if I light you on fire
What could be greater than both my love and my favorite desire

I love you more than I do rain and showers
In fact I would watch you and the fire burn together for hours

But I can’t stand the sight of u
Because you are the one thing I can't get to

If I get too close to either of you I know I will burn
Still I'll wait for you forever i'll wait I'll never learn

She first stood there
Staring into the sky
Watching the sunset
And birds which (unlike her) could fly

She let her worries lose she didn't even care
She picked up her favorite possession
And gave it a long stare

It was like she has been blinded
But she never cared or minded

She picked it up and stared at her arrow
She was confused and in great sorrow

There was nothing to hunt above her
But still she shot it into the sky

She watched it rise higher
Stood there and stared into the fire

And watched the last burning flame
She was happy only then
‘Cause she was the target, she was the aim

They follow u always
But not when it's dark
Not there at night fall
But always when there's light
They walk behind u
Like a creep or a stalker
They walk in front of u
Like a guide leading ur way
They walk along either sides of u
Like friends, sometimes more, or even less
They always know where u are
Unless the light is captured
They somehow know where u'll be
Unless ur life is captured
But even then they'll know
They'll hit the ground before u do
But it'd be too late
To tell they knew

Unlike u they hide in darkness
Just like u they r looking for something
Unlike u they have a purpose they have a goal
Just like u interrupted by everything

Can penetrate glass
Can double in mirrors
Can have so much life
Can seem so plain and dull

Can not live without them
So trust and don't doubt them

Don't ever stop just try and try
But the only time they'll leave is if u die
Or if u and all around u was dim
Peter Pan came back for him

Fading light
Fading darkness

Darkness
Light

So much of a difference yet not at all

Unravel the truth
That shadows behold
Let all old and aged fold
For all the gold of the past mustn't be told
Mold ur shadow in to a grave
Cz that's where Ull both end up no way out of it no save
uve both been one slave.

Unravel the truth
That shadows contain
For u both have one brain
And the actions of one effects the other in a chain
It's all ur fault ur the main
Make excuses again and again
Ur both ******* ur both insane.

Nothing of them remained
We came and found ashes
We found nothing but ruins and ashes
No flesh no hair or lashes
No fires, flames or matches
What was there
We are in oblivion
What is there
But ruins and ashes
Anything/fire/flame/ash/ dust/gone
The place was deserted and empty
Except for our presence
Until
We were present no longer
The white sky turned grey
The green fields turned black
The quiet chats turned to screams
The lively souls were drained of existence
We were in the middle of it all
We were being perished  
We were burning
The flames swallowed us whole
The flames ate down everything
The fires were put down
Anything/fire/flame/ash/ dust/gone
Nothing of us remained
They came and found ashes
They found nothing but ruins and ashes
No flesh no hair no lashes
No fires no lighters no matches
What was there
They are in oblivion
What is there
But ruins and ashes
What will there be but ruins and ashes
"Everything will burn and catch fire"
That's all ashes desire
Everything/fire/flame/ash/dust/gone