i met you late in the year
on a hot May afternoon
and before i knew it
i was oddly falling you
you had a charm i couldn’t refuse
and a way with your words that you just couldn’t lose
i thought it wasn’t real, felt like a joke
that a random guy like you
could possibly want a girl like me
we were both taken at the time
but that made it more fun
no permission was needed standing under that hot May sun
we eventually were both in the same boat
paddling with our hands and trying to stay afloat
but we found an island in each other
where we both rested and stayed
till we sailed away and found another
i was dropped off at your place with no hesitation
“let’s just hang out” you said, “i promise no persuasion”
i believed you and i was wrong but everything felt so right
i set boundaries, i had my limits
but those didn’t last long, we were kissing the next minute
the second your hands twisted through my hair
and we continued on without another care
your lips kissed mine and it felt beyond compare
you went somewhere that nobody has ever been
my temple, my Ora, my innocence, just scraped off covered all over your hands, body and lips
but i didn’t mind, i was living carelessly with nobody telling me what to do
except you, because you knew I would listen
I fulfilled your requests and at the time had no regret
the only thing I could think about was how much I didn’t want you to stop
i knew i was in trouble
i was hooked, i wanted you in every form
the ****** tension and emotions rising up in the air
a feeling rushed through my veins that i didn’t know was possible
it felt so thrilling and real
you ignited a fire in me that was never lit before
it didn’t smell like fire wood, it smelled like regret, filling up the air and breathing it all in
as if i was the only one there
we let a few days pass and i thought the feelings would go away
oh how silly of me to think i could just walk away from him
his grasp, his lips, his smile, the way his voice got deep, the way he knew what he was doing,
the way he electrified me and made me feel like i would never burn out
i craved your touch, all i wanted was you and that didn’t seem like much
we met a second time
this time more passionate and intense
didn’t want it to stop, and oops there goes my innocence
we were both eager and on edge
we just wanted the same thing, a person to kiss and not feel another **** thing
a “friends with benefits” deal that would soon come with no benefits
we stopped talking after the second rendezvous
i told myself I was fine and i believed it too
i understood the plan of not catching feelings, but the only thing I caught
was soon to be long healings
not seeing you was great, it gave me a sense of closure
then school came along and it still didnt bother me
“he was just part of my past” i said, “he’s just a distant memory”
we talked a little, here and there but in my mind you were not a care
then suddenly you clicked back on in my head and everything whooshed back
i promised i wouldn’t catch feelings and I didn’t think I did,
but I just lied to myself because i actually cared about this kid
you had your way with me, that charm I first fell for
I thought I was different like everyone’s said before
I wanted your kiss but instead I was just a miss
you started “dating” her
I didn’t think much of it
I started placing bets on how much you’d actually love it
you spent time with her, really getting to know the girl
and before i knew it, you were knocking right back at my door
those words you used, that determination you had, that unfaithfulness to her just drove me mad
mad in a way that you made me want you again
I see pictures and videos and even get a front row seat at school
I hate you being with her but I don’t want you either
you had me wrapped around your finger and I had no place else to go
I’ve cried over you, for what?
I wish I could erase everything you’ve brought onto to me
But I guess you’re a permanent marker in my world and you just don’t seem to leave
we never had ***, but you still felt like an ‘ex’
I feel a sense of emptiness like something is missing
but I didn’t lose you ,,,,
How can i lose something i never had ?
I had you in my pants, yes that’s for sure
it wasn’t worth it, **** if only I knew
what it’d actually be worth
you kept drawing me back in with the way you talked to me because you knew I’d come back
we joked about hooking up again which made me yearn your touch again
what you said deceived, manipulated and changed me
you’re no longer a possibility
and im no longer your poker game
you cant just keep placing bets hoping to one day win all
because instead of your winnings, i just had a bigger fall
and in that fall back down to reality i learned that i know knew the real you
who wasn’t the same boy from our first rendezvous and that means im over you
hg