simple life
i admire the world
it’s probably the wildlife
how it’s lit up and pearled
new things to discover
endless possibilities at my door
new worlds to uncover
what more could i ask for?
embracing all the beauty
everyday is a blessing
encasing every moment
tomorrow leaves us guessing

i met you late in the year
  on a hot May afternoon
  and before i knew it
  i was oddly falling you
   you had a charm i couldn’t refuse
and a way with your words that you just couldn’t lose
   i thought it wasn’t real, felt like a joke
  that a random guy like you
   could possibly want a girl like me
   we were both taken at the time
but that made it more fun
  no permission was needed standing under that hot May sun
we eventually were both in the same boat
   paddling with our hands and trying to stay afloat
  but we found an island in each other
  where we both rested and stayed
till we sailed away and found another
  i was dropped off at your place with no hesitation
“let’s just hang out” you said, “i promise no persuasion”
  i believed you and i was wrong but everything felt so right
i set boundaries, i had my limits
  but those didn’t last long, we were kissing the next minute  
  the second your hands twisted through my hair
and we continued on without another care
  your lips kissed mine and it felt beyond compare
you went somewhere that nobody has ever been
  my temple, my Ora, my innocence, just scraped off covered all over your hands, body and lips
  but i didn’t mind, i was living carelessly with nobody telling me what to do
except you, because you knew I would listen
I fulfilled your requests and at the time had no regret
  the only thing I could think about was how much I didn’t want you to stop
  i knew i was in trouble
i was hooked, i wanted you in every form
  the ****** tension and emotions rising up in the air
a feeling rushed through my veins that i didn’t know was possible
  it felt so thrilling and real
   you ignited a fire in me that was never lit before
  it didn’t smell like fire wood, it smelled like regret, filling up the air and breathing it all in
as if i was the only one there
  we let a few days pass and i thought the feelings would go away
oh how silly of me to think i could just walk away from him
   his grasp, his lips, his smile, the way his voice got deep, the way he knew what he was doing,
the way he electrified me and made me feel like i would never burn out
  i craved your touch, all i wanted was you and that didn’t seem like much
  we met a second time
  this time more passionate and intense
didn’t want it to stop, and oops there goes my innocence
   we were both eager and on edge
  we just wanted the same thing, a person to kiss and not feel another **** thing
  a “friends with benefits” deal that would soon come with no benefits
  we stopped talking after the second rendezvous
i told myself I was fine and i believed it too
   i understood the plan of not catching feelings, but the only thing I caught
was soon to be long healings
   not seeing you was great, it gave me a sense of closure
then school came along and it still didnt bother me
  “he was just part of my past” i said, “he’s just a distant memory”
  we talked a little, here and there but in my mind you were not a care
   then suddenly you clicked back on in my head and everything whooshed back
  i promised i wouldn’t catch feelings and I didn’t think I did,
but I just lied to myself because i actually cared about this kid
   you had your way with me, that charm I first fell for
   I thought I was different like everyone’s said before
   I wanted your kiss but instead I was just a miss
  you started “dating” her
I didn’t think much of it
I started placing bets on how much you’d actually love it
  you spent time with her, really getting to know the girl
  and before i knew it, you were knocking right back at my door
those words you used, that determination you had, that unfaithfulness to her just drove me mad
mad in a way that you made me want you again
  I see pictures and videos and even get a front row seat at school
  I hate you being with her but I don’t want you either
you had me wrapped around your finger and I had no place else to go
   I’ve cried over you, for what?
I wish I could erase everything you’ve brought onto to me
But I guess you’re a permanent marker in my  world and you just don’t seem to leave
we never had ***, but you still felt like an ‘ex’
    I feel a sense of emptiness like something is missing  
  but I didn’t lose you ,,,,
How can i lose something i never had ?
I had you in my pants, yes that’s for sure
it wasn’t worth it, **** if only I knew
  what it’d actually be worth
you kept drawing me back in with the way you talked to me because you knew I’d come back
   we joked about hooking up again which made me yearn your touch again
  what you said deceived, manipulated and changed me
you’re no longer a possibility
and im no longer your poker game
you cant just keep placing bets hoping to one day win all
   because instead of your winnings, i just had a bigger fall
  and in that fall back down to reality i learned that i know knew the real you
  who wasn’t the same boy from our first rendezvous and that means im over you

beautiful; the pleasing of the senses or mind aesthetically.
    a word so simple, but yet im so scared of it
   when something is rare to you
   and almost foreign
    fear accompanies each time
    im scared of the opinions of my peers and my people and myself
    i stand here trying to look like everybody else
    i stand here and try to be beautiful
the stereotypes are degrading
    it feels as if our beauty has grading
    A, B, C, D? Y, does so much beauty go over looked?
    some girls hear it everyday
    others wait for a lifetime
    a word so delicate and charmingly used
    that eats away at my brain
    as i point out the hues of my red under-toned cheeks
    and stare into the mirror
    just trying to see clearer into myself and not just what i see in front of me
    i have a fear of looking different and my fear is a reality that i live everyday
   i don’t look like you and you don’t look like me
   but i still so strongly believe that you’re more beautiful than me
    and you can tell me all you want and as I hear the sympathy in your voice
     i give myself a choice to either listen and lie
    or go home and cry
    the tears ive shed for my looks are the same tears ive shed for the books
   as i remember each time previous that I cried on my bed while staring at gorgeous girls
   and wondered, when will i be praised for my beauty or i question if I have beauty at all
   and i soon fall into a deep pit
    staring at my body and into my own reflections eyes as i slowly start to crumble
    break down in defeat, hard to recover
    get knocked off my feet
    look up at a light to dry my tears
    walk outside the bathroom door and face my fear of being asked “did you just cry?”
    to which i answer “no” and make up a stupid lie
    im not begging for people to tell me im beautiful
    im begging for people to be more open
    and never thinking of closing
    don’t tell me im funny, tell me i have a pretty personality
   don’t tell me im smart, tell me im intelligent because smarts are probably beautiful too
   and don’t tell me you miss me, tell me you want to be around my lovely self
   or don’t at all
   and be open and tell me that i have a ****** personality
   or that i brag about my grades
   or i get too annoying for you
   because what pleases you, pleases me
   gaining a new perspective of someones beauty
   no matter the fire from the response
   whether it be from thoughts, actions or words
  there is beauty in all of it
   and please don’t be like me
   cause can’t you see?
   i never thought i had beauty
    until i wrote this
    and now i see what i wanna be
    because now i see beauty in me