You could never be what I need
You have no understanding on what it means to care for a woman
To have a precious stone in the rough and continuously polish it until it shines bright
No understanding on how to put someone's needs and sometimes wants before yours
You have a selfish quite shameless kind of love
Where if it doesn't go your way
It's nothing
You love when it's convenient
When you can solely dominate one’s thoughts, emotions and perceptions
On what should and should not
Love means control for you
You could never experience something so deep
Where your mind and soul transforms
Where material gain means nothing
So I say goodbye
To you and your shameless ways
Because you can never been anything to me

It’s been about me for so long
Living in the way that I want
East coast city hopping
I-95 navigating
Always seeking a new adventure
May have tried to lock me down
But they don’t understand my mental makeup
I am not to be kept
But to be looked at as an equal
I am not something
But someone
Fame and notoriety doesn’t appeal to me
I’ve been with the biggest and baddest
The quickest
The smartest
Even the slickest
But I’ve left them all in awe
So now that you’ve come along
And inspire me for the better
It’s time to regroup
Readjust
Re-examine
How I was once living
Because you give me new reasons

Maybe you liked it, that's why it happened to you so many times
That's how you feel when it doesn't happen to you
I would rather bare the most undignified pain
Than to have someone hurt my blood
And that's what I believed I was doing
When I tried to tell someone
I was told “what do you want me to do”
Giving up my innocence only to realize that no one would believe my story
So I turned cold towards the ones I believed I was protecting
The people who did this were the ones who were supposed to be there for me
The ones who said that they would make sure I was ok
They took the twinkle out my eyes
And left me with a blank stare
You don't understand this unless your twinkle was stolen from you
Unless you believed you were protecting your blood
And when the ones you set out to protect don't believe you
You realize no good deed goes unpunished

When the thoughts run too fast
And everything stops making sense
I always come to where the edge of the earth
Meets water
I walk right up when my heart feels too heavy
And let the tears roll down my face
To be carried out to sea
The salty water dissolves my clouded mind
And the waves always wash my unruly thoughts away
And as I stand there
In the middle of high tide
I feel as if I'm baptized and given a new slate
Then I walk off and go back to life as I know
But I always return
Because the ocean is my rejuvenator

If given a chance
Would you take it right here
And right now?
If granted one wish
What would you wish for?
You can't always put it off forever
You may only have fore never
Treat right now as that chance
Grant yourself that one wish
Because you are worth it all and some

People grieve in different ways
Some cry it all out and make a screen
Other let it go little by little
There are those who save it for a private moment
Not to be heard by anyone
They say their last goodbye on their own time and at their own pace
Not wanting to be seen by others
A cry so deep and filled with emotion
That there is not a sound in this world that could duplicate it.

I'm not sure how I should feel
We fell off so long ago
And the last time we spoke wasn't the nicest​
To hear that you are gone and never coming back
To hear that you were taken in such a violent way
Breaks my heart
You used to make me laugh and listen to my crazy stories
You used to give me words to uplift me when I felt that I wanted to quit
You showed me the importance of simplicity
You showed this city girl that the best part of the country was a starry night sky
So just for you
I will sit under the night sky and stare up at the stars
Hoping that you are staring back down to share that moment with me

R.I.P. CJS

The softest lips
With the sweetest tongue
Able to make someone believe everything that comes out of your mouth.
The sweetest kisses laced with the sweetest lies
Helps serve as a vehicle to get lost in
when our lips meet
And when I feel myself slipping away
I'll always break that seal
Because I'm never sure if those soft lips and sweet tongue will ever be true

Years had passed before we were reconnected again.
You grew, you loved, you loss then you grew some more.
The same for me as well.
From time to time, I would wonder where you were?
If I crossed your mind?
Or even if you were alive?
Then One day, out of nowhere, you came back.
I wasn't expecting you and was left at a loss for words.
Then it happened.
That strange feeling of familiarity that I used to get from you way back when
Was the same feeling I felt after we hung up.
Time had passed but you were still you.
I was so reluctant to let you in.
I lost my sense of self and my ability to open up during our time apart.
But you didn't mind.
You did what you do best,
Stay consistent.
You fed my mind and my soul.
You help me find someone that I forgot was there.
You'll never understand what you represent in my life.
I know that God sent you to save me.
This isn't about a romantic kind of love but a pure soul deep kind of love.
I see the light in you
You see the light in me
Namaste
We both acknowledge that we aren't perfect.
Judgement doesn't live here
And that's what make me cherish whatever this thing of ours is.

None of us are sent on this earth with a life handbook.
We learn as we go.
Some learn quicker than others
And others may have to repeat their lessons.
I'm one of those people.
Things along the way have happened and have had affects on me
Good and bad.
Some people don't realize that when you are young
You are supposed to make mistakes.
With family and friends
I've made many.
I have regrets that have consumed me to a state of paralysis
Getting out of this state is so hard
But I will.
I can only hope that everyone understands that I can't change the past
But only try to make a better future

While many may think
Its about long walks and date nights
I see it as finding the balance between being me and being US
Knowing when to hold back and when to unleash
Understanding that I may have to make a decision that will hurt me in order to do right by you.
Its the pain you feel when you are apart
The comprehension of each other's mental make up
To the point where few words speak volumes.
Its building from the ground up
But never forgetting who pushed you when you were down and out.
It's getting that one look and knowing all the answers.
This thing they call love
Has nothing to do with your material success
But everything to do with being mentally, emotionally, spiritually in tune With your partner.
Taking time to understand the differences and knowing that they only make it better
Not talking at each other but rather listening and discussing.
Nothing is perfect but with a love as such
I'm willing to explore

My soul stirs with a conviction that lets me know that God is real and his work is being done.
Everything that I have seen, smelled, tasted, touched and felt in my 30 years on this earth has led me to this.
Every tear that I've shed,
Every gut busting uncontrollable  laugh,
Every hopeless moment has brought me here.
I've been bruised and battered but I've always picked myself up
Because deep down inside I knew that there was something bigger and better.
I'm falling in love with myself and it's the most beautiful thing that I've ever  experienced.
I'm learning how to treat myself without being careless.
No man or woman can take this away From me.
I've fought this feeling for so long
Now I know it's time to accept
I am divine
I am strong
I am Queen.