You could never be what I need
You have no understanding on what it means to care for a woman
To have a precious stone in the rough and continuously polish it until it shines bright
No understanding on how to put someone's needs and sometimes wants before yours
You have a selfish quite shameless kind of love
Where if it doesn't go your way
It's nothing
You love when it's convenient
When you can solely dominate one’s thoughts, emotions and perceptions
On what should and should not
Love means control for you
You could never experience something so deep
Where your mind and soul transforms
Where material gain means nothing
So I say goodbye
To you and your shameless ways
Because you can never been anything to me

It’s been about me for so long
Living in the way that I want
East coast city hopping
I-95 navigating
Always seeking a new adventure
May have tried to lock me down
But they don’t understand my mental makeup
I am not to be kept
But to be looked at as an equal
I am not something
But someone
Fame and notoriety doesn’t appeal to me
I’ve been with the biggest and baddest
The quickest
The smartest
Even the slickest
But I’ve left them all in awe
So now that you’ve come along
And inspire me for the better
It’s time to regroup
Readjust
Re-examine
How I was once living
Because you give me new reasons

Maybe you liked it, that's why it happened to you so many times
That's how you feel when it doesn't happen to you
I would rather bare the most undignified pain
Than to have someone hurt my blood
And that's what I believed I was doing
When I tried to tell someone
I was told “what do you want me to do”
Giving up my innocence only to realize that no one would believe my story
So I turned cold towards the ones I believed I was protecting
The people who did this were the ones who were supposed to be there for me
The ones who said that they would make sure I was ok
They took the twinkle out my eyes
And left me with a blank stare
You don't understand this unless your twinkle was stolen from you
Unless you believed you were protecting your blood
And when the ones you set out to protect don't believe you
You realize no good deed goes unpunished

When the thoughts run too fast
And everything stops making sense
I always come to where the edge of the earth
Meets water
I walk right up when my heart feels too heavy
And let the tears roll down my face
To be carried out to sea
The salty water dissolves my clouded mind
And the waves always wash my unruly thoughts away
And as I stand there
In the middle of high tide
I feel as if I'm baptized and given a new slate
Then I walk off and go back to life as I know
But I always return
Because the ocean is my rejuvenator

If given a chance
Would you take it right here
And right now?
If granted one wish
What would you wish for?
You can't always put it off forever
You may only have fore never
Treat right now as that chance
Grant yourself that one wish
Because you are worth it all and some

People grieve in different ways
Some cry it all out and make a screen
Other let it go little by little
There are those who save it for a private moment
Not to be heard by anyone
They say their last goodbye on their own time and at their own pace
Not wanting to be seen by others
A cry so deep and filled with emotion
That there is not a sound in this world that could duplicate it.

I'm not sure how I should feel
We fell off so long ago
And the last time we spoke wasn't the nicest​
To hear that you are gone and never coming back
To hear that you were taken in such a violent way
Breaks my heart
You used to make me laugh and listen to my crazy stories
You used to give me words to uplift me when I felt that I wanted to quit
You showed me the importance of simplicity
You showed this city girl that the best part of the country was a starry night sky
So just for you
I will sit under the night sky and stare up at the stars
Hoping that you are staring back down to share that moment with me

R.I.P. CJS