I think that you and I are the right equation
So now I’m trying to show my work
By subtracting the hesitancy
Holding your heart
Carrying the love
Multiplying them both
Until love is no longer binary
But I’m stuck.
Truth is I’ve never been good at arithmetic

I’ve never been keen on the idea
Of reversing fate
But sometimes I wish
I could go back to the day
In which
all we were able
To visualize was each other

The day
We got lost in each others gaze

Because you no longer
search for me anymore
And now I wish to unsee you
Every time I close my eyes

I love you
Even when I’m battling the powers that be
The very powers that lead me to you
And you to me
I love you
Because I’m only human after all.

I’ve loved many times before
But not like this
To love you is to do so intentionally
It is to love deeply
To be given the space to express myself colorfully
All the time
To love you is to also love myself and to find immense comfort in knowing that you love me too
My heart is open
My heart is full

I miss making compromises
That didn’t feel
Like compromises
Because I loved
You
Enough to
Adjust
And be content
Within the confines
Of your comfort

In the matters of loving freely
I confess my guilt  
And If that were to be a crime
Then I guess I shall Be charged
with doing so at the Nth degree

Every aspect of His caress is rather other worldly
The way his warm hands manage to soothe the aching within the indent of my spine

I then slip into an alternate universe
With my eyes tightly shut
As I am introduced to this Euphoria
By the smoothest baritone I’ve ever had the pleasure of recognizing

                    The voice of God

The devil stands in the shadow of the perplexed being while the caged bird sings

"Oh let me fly, for I have wings"

You say I’m difficult to read
Sort of like
A run on sentence
Or chicken scratch on paper
But not quite like writing in invisible ink

You say I’m difficult to read
But it’s not because you comprehend at an accelerated pace
It’s because you’re still at an intermediate level
Attempting to analyze an enigma

Confusion breeds uncertainty
And I certainly have no prior
Knowledge on how to
Raise changeability
Or guide indecision

I wish loving you in the ways you deserve was as easy as loving you in general.
The love that I have for you is nothing in comparison to the ways that I could illustrate them.
The ways that I could enact them for you without fear, because you are the only member in the audience.
Beaming with pride and satisfaction. Applauding my efforts to do right by you.
Because I would love nothing more than to perform for you with Boundless Love as my co-star.

My life
Has been
One of
Calamity
And tragedy

Many instances
In which
I am willing
To recount
Without cue

However
Still
to this
Day
I am unable
To recount the day
My father left
Without crying
The most
untamed
Sea

I enjoy loving you when you’re not within my reach
Everything I touch soon becomes a thing of the past
Eventually a distant memory...
I dont want to have to forget you like I have with all of those that came before you.

I dreamed the most surreal of dreams
About you
And me
Yet when I awoke
I forgot it within an instant

When I awoke all I had left was
A slight memory of what it felt like to love you
In the present tense
Because I was robbed of the chance to do so
Way back when

My imagination was actuality

Your tendency
To be
The one
In the right
Had nothing
To do
With
Me being
In this constant state
Of Wrong

But instead
Everything
To do
With the fact
That your idea
Of what was
Truly
right
Was ragged as hell
To begin with

I corrected my mistakes
You never
Learned from
Yours

I remember the day my dad left
With his luggage in his left hand
And plans to never return on his mind

It took me a lifetime to trust him
And a single moment for him
To disregard it

I’m afraid to fall in love
Not because of any superficial reasoning
Tied to trust
Or anything else of the sorts

But because I don’t like balance
I prefer my universe to be as shifted
As my point of view in the late hours of the night

I’m afraid that once
I find Stability
Things will start to make sense

And that is simply inappropriate
Because it’s natural

My compulsion to love you pumped it’s way into a dark place in which my thoughts are no longer applicated in reality.
They weaved their way into my dreams and within those dreams I find myself in a tranquil state of being content with a version you I’ll never  be able to see

I then awaken,
Angry as hell
Because I never got the chance to love you at your best

I'm sorry that I'm not the superwoman you believe me to be.
I'm sorry I can't save the world you want me to save.
I'm sorry that all I ever wanted to save was you because you indeed are my world.

I dreamed the most surreal of dreams
About you
And i
Yet when I awoke
I forgot it within an instant

When I awoke all I had left was
A slight memory of what it felt like to love you
In the present tense
Because I was robbed of the chance to do so
Way back when

My imagination was actuality

I hated crying
because it
Made me
Feel weak.

I never
realized the power
that lied within
each tear I shed,
allowing me to release


And move on.

I’d give you the world if I could.
But it’s far too imperfect for your precious hands to hold.
So for now my heart will have to do.
It’s in the process of healing and skipping a beat too many, just for you.

You feel my heart with contentment
And my mind with ease.
You possess a heart of pure, untainted gold.
A smile brighter than any sun I’ve ever seen during the afternoon in the middle of June.
And the healing powers of a God.
To know you is to love you.
It is with immense pleasure that I am able to live in a moment where those dual truths exist.

I fell in love with you
Then I fell in love with the idea of us

It happened
In that order
For the first time
Ever

A chronological
Actuality

“It won’t be
soon before
long that you and I reach
our own Eutopia

Because I feel
our souls finding Harmony
Together

We grow closer each day as we find each other’s rhythm”

Yet you sing at a different register than
I do
You’re never on key

It’s almost as if
You’re tone-deaf

It is a coffee shop
With the signature aroma
Of a Fresh Roast,
Hazelnut,
And a hint of
First world problems

The clientele
Were so dense
And oblivious in nature
That sheer Caucasity
Would be the only viable explanation
For it all

It was a place that operated in the name of exclusivity and the exploited labor of working class peoples.
It was a Starbucks.
It is White Wakanda.

This story
Is no longer
Your typical
“Girl meets boy”
But instead
It is the story of
When The Poet Fell In Love
Even in your absence
I still Write about you
May you live on not in my dreams
But in each stanza composed of my recollections of who you once were
And what we used to be