In the midst
Of one of
My many
Restlessness nights
In which
I stare
At the sky,

I asked the stars
Why
You were so selfish

The wind whispered
To me

Saying
                  “You cannot
                    Expect for those
                   Who did not
                   Receive
                   To share
                   Anything with  
                   You.”

I shut my window
And got some sleep

They told me that
I was far too loud
to adjust within
the silent confinements
of the indoors

So they relocated me to
the outskirts
in the
middle of oblivion

They told me that
I was merely
far too loud
To belong

So I hushed

And my voice became inaudible

You were
A shy boy
When I met you.

A not-so- social butterfly

Who, when alone
Pondered upon
life’s philosophies
Questioning the meaning
Of it all.

I loved that
About you.

Because it was in fact
The reserved intellect
Who I believed
You to be.

This love
Was a masterpiece
Telling a story so
Significant
That it was placed at the Alter
For all to see
But of course all good things must come to an end

I’ve spotted the vanishing point

my Love for you runs deeper than any river I’ve cried for the ones before you

This Love is pure in its nature
and that is the most profound aspect of it all

I’m no longer traipsing around in a desolate desert, in Love alone

I am residing in a euphoric forest,
In a requited Love with you

My love for you runs deep.

I swallow my pride
And force you to regurgitate
Yours
Because I refuse to idly stand by
And watch you place toxins
Into your body

You are a
Gemini Moon
I am an
Insomniac

There was something
About my proneness to
Remain awake at dusk
That attracted me
To you
And the other you too

         My Gemini Moon

I'm sorry that I'm not the superwoman you believe me to be.
I'm sorry I can't save the world you want me to save.
I'm sorry that all I ever wanted to save was you because you indeed are my world.

The smell of Spring
reminds me of finding true love
and its unpredictable nature.
In this instance I learned
time is of the essence
Even in your absence I still save you the other half of the tangerine.

The devil stands in the shadow of the perplexed being while the caged bird sings

"Oh let me fly, for I have wings"

I find myself desensitized
To every “it be like that sometimes” gesture
And passive-aggressive notion
That I’ve now chosen to reject
Instead of internalizing

I want nothing from you,
Because I expect nothing of  you

I just sit still, in my distant bubble

Patiently waiting for the day
That you have the ability  
To disappoint me again

My compulsion to love you pumped it’s way into a dark place in which my thoughts are no longer applicated in reality.
They weaved their way into my dreams and within those dreams I find myself in a tranquil state of being content with a version you I’ll never  be able to see

I then awaken,
Angry as hell
Because I never got the chance to love you at your best

It is a coffee shop
With the signature aroma
Of a Fresh Roast,
Hazelnut,
And a hint of
First world problems

The clientele
Were so dense
And oblivious in nature
That sheer Caucasity
Would be the only viable explanation
For it all

It was a place that operated in the name of exclusivity and the exploited labor of working class peoples.
It was a Starbucks.
It is White Wakanda.

I believe in Magic.
The kind of magic that
Enabled my father
To transform into
Whatever whomever needed him to be
For the time being
in an effort to adhere
To the needs of us all

I believe in Magic.
My father was
A shapeshifter after all.

Without leaving room
For ifs, ands, buts and ultimatums alike
I’ve designed a space for you.
A space where
The walls are painted gray
Such as the lines we walk  
With a hint of letting go.
A space that allows me
To miss you dearly
And acknowledge that distance
Is where fate led us

I’ve designed a space for us
For you
For me.

It’s called
The Middle Ground

Today,
I’m terribly sorry
I’ve neglected you.

Yesterday and the days before her have such a hold on me that I no longer have any desire to break free and pay you a visit.

Tomorrow,
I’m terribly sorry
That when
I prepared myself for your arrival
I did it with much certainty
As if your arrival is promised.

This story
Is no longer
Your typical
“Girl meets boy”
But instead
It is the story of
When The Poet Fell In Love
Even in your absence
I still Write about you
May you live on not in my dreams
But in each stanza composed of my recollections of who you once were
And what we used to be

I was once
Just like you

Complacent
In my own mistreatment
Becoming knowledgeable
Of vile how it was
And then
Projecting
My rightful abundance of anger
Unto the very world
That abused me

I was once
just like you,
Awaiting another calamity
For anything
of the opposite nature to happen
Would mean my universe
Was unbalanced

For I am,
A Black Girl

Disparity and Adversity raised  me

my emotionally disconnected mother and nonexistent father never could

I mourn the tragic loss of my innocence
Just as you do

My upbringing and shortcomings mirror yours

I am just like you

You remind me
Of someone

In fact
You remind me
Of Him

You even noted
The similar features
You both attain

You remind me
of Him

But my darling
You are nothing
Like Him

You are
An honest man
You are
An unselfish man
You are
A purpose driven man

He is merely
Just
A man

Your tendency
To be
The one
In the right
Had nothing
To do
With
Me being
In this constant state
Of Wrong

But instead
Everything
To do
With the fact
That your idea
Of what was
Truly
right
Was ragged as hell
To begin with

I corrected my mistakes
You never
Learned from
Yours

My life
Has been
One of
Calamity
And tragedy

Many instances
In which
I am willing
To recount
Without cue

However
Still
to this
Day
I am unable
To recount the day
My father left
Without crying
The most
untamed
Sea

I am intricate
In design
So finely
detailed
with pieces
So precisely
aligned
That even
the most
Minor
of mistakes
During construction
Will result
In utter
Demolition

My ability to forgive you
Lied within
The acceptance
And recognition
Of the hurt
that you bestowed
Upon me

And in return
I gave you
What you deserved:

My Understanding.

The truth is,
In all of its essence

Is that

Hurt people,
Hurt people