I've tried. Time and time again, I've tried.

To not cut, to not be weak, to not fall into temptations.

You single handily abolished whatever pieces of my heart was left.

You see the struggles I've been through. You still leave me, like I'm nothing.

I'm sorry for being weak. I'm sorry for existing. I'm sorry for loving you. I'm sorry for you having to love me. I'm sorry about the struggles I put you through. But I'm most sorry for, is wasting your time.

I'm sorry I apologize too much.

I'm sorry that I can't live up to expectations.

I'm sorry I broke down.

I tried to hold out, to be strong. I physically and mentally can't.

I'm sorry I can't be the ideal perfect girl, everybody makes me out to seem.

I'm sorry you can see scars. But that's the only thing beautiful about me.

I've lost total control. Don't know where or how to start.

Don't know if I want to start. Maybe I should just give up

I cry too much. Too many tears in only a short time.

I'm sorry I couldn't put my fake smile on. I'm sorry I can't find it anymore.

However, what I'm sorry for the most, I'm sorry for affecting you. Everyone. I'm sorry for getting in your heart and in your head.

And once again, I'm sorry for apologizing so much.

Some will say that suicide or cutting is selfish. Selfish for the loved ones.

Isn't it selfish for the loved ones to continue to let the person continuing through life in so much pain?

I'm not committing suicide, but I just might. Too many thoughts, too many unseen cuts the human eye.

That's why I'm breaking down, giving in, and giving up.

Inspiration strikes a sadness in my mind
Lightening fires of truth so bright I go blind
Wide awake yet dreaming of another time
Another place where things used to be fine
But in the back of my mind, where that inspiration strikes, I feel alive and alone in the sadness that overwhelms me at times, surrounded by the dream floating behind my eyes uncontrollably, bouncing off my mind getting ideas of time and space and distances between two places, satisfaction and depression, a thin line rests between my eyes, like a target, the bullseye is my soul and it's slowly disintegrating with every shot, look and insult fired my direction.
I'm losing control.
And my dreams are gaining ground, taking over and my reality is lost in the background.
My soul can no longer hear a sound.
I think I've died.
I've tried to come back around, telling myself it'll be alright.
But I lied.