I almost followed you to the end of earth
Loving you was like being in love with an enemy
I endured the fire and ice from your hearth
Diagnosis:  internally charred and frozen from your remedy

And now I'm left with the weight of the world
That you laid upon my broken and worn wings
August was my last flight as our lives unfurled
Seemingly left adrift on treacherous raging seas

What a day today turned out to be
The near future I wish I could see
I feel so lost, so alone and betrayed
In your presence today I felt afraid

All your truths turned out to be lies
You did all the things that lovers despise
Was there ever a time, I plea
When you really truly loved me

I wanted to write a beautiful poem for a change
The whole idea of it seems so strange
To take something usually dark and ugly
And turn it into something lovely

Something unfamiliar from my usual thought
The glowing white light of a holiday tree is sought
Something reassuring and warm
Not my usual hidden hive with a deadly swarm

A lake gleaming in the summertime sun
Kids running around having fun
Otter pops, picnics, a kayak on that lake
A recent memory I have to thank

The restless breeze of late autumn
I'll let it take the old familiar ugliness to the bottom
Start fresh with a new perspective
A beautiful poem as my directive

I watch from a distance
As distance is a friend
Watching and waiting
For time to somehow bend

Watching as time
Steals her away
There is no more time
For keeping her at bay

She is the one
That mattered most
Brought me into this world
Raised me as she knew best

But time has it's way
It will steal her from me
Take her away
And she will no longer be

A mother
A wife
A grandmother
Full of life

Her memory is fading
No longer standing tall
I try not to show
The sadness I feel for it all

I walk alone
Your words and songs still haunt me
I walk alone
Your memory holds me until someday I am free

You walk alone
I do not know what words and songs you will remember
You walk alone
For that is the road you have chosen for yourself, to not be free

I am tired of walking alone
Yet it is the only way I know how to go on these days
Walking alone.....one set of footprints only
For this way there is nothing holding me back and I will someday be free

How do I continue on when scars have not yet begun to form over open wounds
Wounds so deep that the river seems to flow and carry me on on endlessly never to find the sea
I have had hopes and dreams before, yet now I find myself unable to trust in hope once more
So many times I have been let down and have gotten lost on a stream that leads nowhere

Waiting for somebody to help me pick up the pieces, somebody please help me pick up the pieces
Knowing that I am the only one that can pick up the broken pieces and put the puzzle back together
Though some of the pieces are now missing, what will the final picture visualize
I have hoped for a long time that there will be other pieces to be found to finally find some peace

I know it will be so easy
For you to just walk away
I know it will be so easy    
For me to lie and to stay away

You will go on with your life
And I will tell you I will go on with mine
I know it will be so easy
For me to also give up on me  

Someone else will catch your eye
You will never even glance into the rear-view mirror
I will not be the one to say goodbye
The glimmer of hope is not becoming clearer

Don't leave me now
I may not be perfect
I don't know how
To go on living without

I read that every poem is beautiful in it's own way
This poem has no beauty to behold, dare I say
For in the dank clefts of my mind
All to be found is emptiness and I'm blind

Death, decay, and rotting away
Flesh peeled back revealing life's fray
Crows trampled their feet on my face
Frozen expressions here to stay

Color has been drained
Bleached away from all the strands
Blank white pages, illusions
Void is the color life demands

I stand lifeless and still
Broken is time's prudencial
Never accomplishing anything
Never fulfilling potential

The years are going by swiftly
I wonder how many more I'll get
Stray white hairs gleaning in the sun
I notice them coming, one by one

Where has my youth gone?
Has time somehow done me wrong?
I watch my children growing older
The fire inside me has turned to smolder

Yet I find somewhere deep inside
I am still that same young girl
that I was so many years ago
I have much to accomplish before I go

Please, if there is a god
I ask that you set me on the correct path
I know I have so much to give
I want to know before I go that I did live

You made me what I am today
So I have you to thank
From childhood to adolescence
You shaped me, formed me; joviality shrank

Teaching that anyone can betray
You are the one that showed me the way
Always looking ahead and behind
Never knowing what I will find

I'm always running, hiding
Into a seclusion that is binding
Dearly departed from innocence so strong
****** into the world of hatred so long

All these years later
I am left wondering how long...
How much longer will it be until
I can emerge from the darkness that is wrong

Like the waves crashing upon the shore
Your betrayal has taken me to the floor

For years I had somehow buried all of your lies
Pretending made it easier than a surprise

Lies that washed up after you were gone
I find there are more and more with each dawn

The truth which hurts so deep
But to you I shall not utter a peep

The wind blows straight through me
Like a swirling whispery plea

Begging for more time, yet begging to move on
Realizing your love was false and gone

The kids are trying to be strong
To keep on striving since you're just so wrong

You'll never know how hard it was to walk out that door
You'll never know that your betrayal has taken me to the floor

You had such a vibrant smile
A smile that could reach a mile
I wonder where that smile has gone
Now that you were found in the wrong

Played me for a fool you did
Every whim I was at your bid
I tried and I tried    
until the light inside me died


Begged you to keep me
Begged you to love me
And love me, I'm sure you tried
Oh, how you contently lied!

You're now in the place you belong
A place you shall hear no happy song
I read about what you did
All you see now is grid

Good riddance to you
Stay locked up forever true
Behind bars you can't excape
Hope you enjoy your new landscape

Flowing away from me is the thought
The thought of you and I
You and I are now a thing of the past
Of the past I keep looking back upon

Looking back upon the good times
The good times and the bad times
The bad times that came at the end
At our end all there is are your lies

Are your lies and unfaithfulness
Lies, unfaithfulness, disloyalty that I was not aware of
I was not aware of how long this was going on
How long was this going on?

This was going on for quite some time
For quite some time I had my suspicions
I had my suspicions but could not prove
Could not prove it until the end.

The End

I thought we were meant to be
You said all the right things to me
I played the fool once again
Now my heart will never again unchain

Do not put all your eggs in one basket
Otherwise you build your heart a casket
A dark place to hide away from the hurt
A place to never again reemerge

I sit here alone upon my solitary throne    
All doors and this heart under lock and key
Thoughts keep swirling in my mind
One in particular still haunts me

Nobody will see what hides inside
I keep it all hidden under lock and key    
Had a lot of practice with my poker face
Locked in a closet with a skeleton key

You'll never know what gets to me
You never cared anyhow, not really
I've tried to let go of it all
But I will carry it all until eternity

The only way I could keep from return
Was to deal the final blow, you see    
I could not return to the deception
So I did what I did for me

just this week I don't feel as weak
i have fought the tears and fears
i tried but the tears won't fall nor will I falter again
still feeling numb and dumb
but I am just beginning to find my footing
and he no doubt will not find his feet ever again

Just a short though
I thought I'd quickly jot

To truly appreciate loyalty
One must first experience disloyalty

Even to be able to recognize what it is
One must go through the agony of what it is not.